A record-breaking weekend in the wild and wacky world of the Premier League, where for the first time every team scored, and more goals were scored than ever before on a single weekend, with an average of over 4 goals a game. Strangely enough, the bottom team finally won, but so did the team directly above them, thus preventing any movement. Chelsea continued their patchy form, and Manchester United finally played well; exquisitely well, in hitting Blackburn for seven, eliminating Chelsea
Nowhere else to start but Old Trafford, where Wayne Rooney finally started; paired with off-the-boil Dimitar Berbatov, who hadn’t scored a league goal since the Liverpool hat-trick. Fergie had said before the game that it was his own fault for switching Berbatov’s strike partners around too much. The Bulgarian seems to share a natural affinity with Rooney, and nowhere has he displayed it better than against Blackburn . Big Sam was quick out with the excuses, but Rovers were missing seven players through injury, an ironic number as it would turn out. From Blackburn ’s kick-off, United won the ball. Twenty passes, a few tackles and just over a minute later, Nani had swung the ball in for Rooney to flick on and Berbatov to stab in from close range. Anderson and Carrick looked reborn in the midfield engine room, and all of United’s players were passing quickly, assuredly, and purposefully. A beautiful move just before the half-hour culminated in Rooney exchanging passes with the advancing Park Ji-Sung, who burst onto the return to dink over Paul Robinson. A magnificently braindead backpass from Chimbonda set Berbatov clear in yards of space, and the Bulgarian made the most of his endless time to drill past Robinson for 3-0 before half-time. Berbatov was feeling robbed just before the break, when he weaved in between three defenders, only to be felled under the dubious challenge of Michel Salgado, but just after half-time the Bulgarian scored a goal of breathtaking determination and quality. A big criticism of his game is his perceived lack of tracking back, but the Bulgarian picked the ball up on the edge of his own box, before a lovely exchange on the flank with Patrice Evra. When Berbatov received the ball back in the middle of midfield, he spread the ball wide to Nani, who bore down on the Rovers defence before squaring for the emerging Berbatov, who finished the move he started consummately. A minute later Nani ended up in a similar position, but this time cut inside the flimsy Chimbonda before whipping the ball into the corner of Robinson’s net. Nani again broke through, and made for the byline, only deciding to square to the unmarked Rooney when it was too late; Robinson blocking his effort. Wave after wave of red shirts were crashing against the shores of Rovers’ defence, and it was 6-0 when Berbatov cashed in from a Samba attempted tackle that went wrong. The final United goal came in the 69th minute, when Anderson penetrated into the heart of Blackburn’s defence, before finding Berbatov, who attempted a cross that was blocked but came straight back to him, before sliding the ball in from a tight angle. The final twenty minutes saw United slacken off somewhat, and Blackburn got a consolation when Christopher Samba sent a looping header against the top of the crossbar, before dispatching a header from a carbon-copy position in the same passage of play. Berbatov could have had six to himself, but Robinson pulled off a great reflex save in the dying stages from the Bulgarian’s close-range header.
After this statement of intent, Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea finally blew down the door on half-time, when a lovely Malouda flick found Kalou, who cantered through, cut outside Campbell
Arsenal made up ground on Chelsea with a hard-fought and goal-laden victory at Villa Park ; a happy hunting ground for the Gunners since the late 90s. Arsenal made the early running, and Collins had to help out Friedel to clear a Chamakh shot off the goal line. Tomas Rosicky and Ashley Young were both guilty of wasteful finishing before the Gunners took the lead on 38 minutes, when two Villa players both missed a long ball, and Arshavin galloped into acres of space, before cutting outside Dunne and firing in at the far post through Collins’ legs. The goal-scorer then set up Samir Nasri, who rounded Friedel before bizarrely missing the gaping net. Friedel then pulled off a stunning reflex stop from a Chamakh header, but Frenchman Nasri made amends for his howler by making it 2-0 on the stroke of half-time; volleying a deep corner into the net with the aid of a nick off Luke Young. Ex-Gunners stalwart Robert Pires didn’t make the second half, but Villa made a game of it soon after the break, when youngster Ciaran Clark took a poor clearance on the edge of Arsenal’s ‘18’ down on his chest and thumped a shot into the roof of the net, though replays show an offside John Carew standing directly in Lukasz Fabianski’s eyeline the whole time. Within four minutes, hopes of a Villa comeback were extinguished, when a crafty through-ball from Tomas Rosicky saw Marouane Chamakh beat carthorse Richard Dunne for pace and stab past the advancing Friedel. To Villa’s credit, they were not beaten, and Ciaran Clark was gutted to hit the side netting when the net should have been bulging, though he scored again on 70 minutes, rising perfectly to guide a lofted ball over Clichy and in via the underside of the crossbar. The last twenty minutes saw Villa press for an unlikely equaliser, but their naivety cost them when Arsenal pounced, launching a quick counter-attack where Chamakh laid back to Denilson, whose shot was only deflected back to Chamakh, who lobbed the ball deftly to the back post, where Jack Wilshere was waiting with a diving header to kill the game once and for all.
Wolverhampton Wanderers finally gave their fans something substantial to cheer about, by mounting a late comeback to see off a Sunderland team shorn of their first choice centre-backs, even if one of those was Titus Bramble. Kevin Doyle did what he does best when he missed an absolute sitter, but Wolves thought they had taken the lead through Richard Stearman, only to have his close-range effort denied by the linesman. Kieran Richardson struck the inside of the post with a ferocious free-kick, and the half closed goalless. The second half more than made up for the lack of goals, with Wolves taking the lead within five minutes, through Kevin Foley, who followed in Jarvis’ effort; drilling home with his left foot. Muscular full-back George Elokobi blocked a Darren Bent volley on the line to preserve Wolves’ advantage, but in the 66th minute, Asamoah Gyan won a header to set Darren Bent clear of the sluggish Stearman, and as he bore down on goal, Bent finish supremely across Hennessey. Wolves had not really recovered by the time Sunderland mounted a slick passing move, culminating in Phil Bardsley thumping in a tantalising cross, met with a magnificent header from man-of-the-moment Danny Wellbeck; guiding it superbly into the bottom corner. Mackems fans went crazy, but five minutes later Wolves hit back following a goalmouth scramble. After earlier having a goal disallowed for offside, Richard Stearman received a ball in an even more offside position, yet play was allowed to continue, and when Craig Gordon kept out a Sylvain Ebanks-Blake header, Stephen Hunt bundled the loose ball home from two yards for the equaliser. With Sunderland now the team on the back foot, Wolves seized the initiative, though had Lee Cattermole’s power drive not been tipped over it would all have been academic. As it was, Kevin Doyle made a nuisance of himself, and found Ebanks-Blake in space, with the Wolves striker drilling the chance home for a glorious late winner to finally put a smile on Mick McCarthy’s dour countenance.
With Wolves winning, it was imperative for West Ham to also win, or risk being cut adrift. A fixture against Wigan was perhaps the most obvious opportunity for points, and the Hammers finally gleaned a victory, despite their profligate strikers. In the 34th minute some appallingly static defending allowed Frederic ‘Coolio’ Piquionne to flick a header into the box, and where blue shirts dithered, Valon Behrami dared…to steal in and score. Junior Stanislas then sent in a pounding drive that Omanian stopper Ali Al-Habsi kept out with a great save. Al-Habsi then surpassed this with an incredible display of goalkeeping to rival Ben Foster’s save from Drogba last week. A dangerous cross found Frederic Piquionne launching himself over defenders in his effort to score. He connected powerfully from only 8 or so yards, yet Al-Habsi’s reflexes were stunning, managing to fling a strong hand out and push the ball clear of goal with just a split second to react. Once again, the man from the Middle East proved why he keeps Chris Kirkland on the bench every week. Coolio then proved why most West Ham fans think he’s a liability, adding to his personal collection of howlers by dragging an absolute sitter wide when completely free in the middle of the box. On 56 minutes he made slight amends by advancing into the box, before knocking the ball back to strike-partner Obinna, who advanced and smashed across Al-Habsi and in. Wigan had an opportunity to get back into the game with a vengeance when Danny Gabbidon scythed down Tom Cleverley, but Mario Boselli’s penalty was so pitiful Robert Green almost dived past it as it hit his knees and bounced out. Some more Wigan defending that was the opposite of forceful led to Obinna getting to the touchline and crossing low for Scott Parker to beat another lame challenge to net and sew up the game. Charles N’Zogbia raged against the dying of the light when his weaving dribble and layback set up Tom Cleverley to cleverly find the net, and it may have proved more than a consolation when Steve Gohouri scored a wrongly disallowed goal, as it was a team-mate and not him standing offside when the ball was played.
Everton got a nasty surprise, as the boing-boing Baggies boinged back from their dismal slide in style, thrashing the Toffees 4-1 on their home turf, but only after some jaw-dropping refereeing had served to their advantage. The quiet of the opening minutes was shattered when Paul Scharner ghosted in to head a corner into the net, with Everton seemingly in shock at the sheer impertinence of it. Ten minutes later, and it got worse for the home side, when Chris Brunt scored a free-kick superior even to Leighton Baines’ a few weeks back; stepping up to launch a left-foot effort bending snugly into the ‘postage stamp’, with Tim Howard getting across but unable to reach it even at full stretch. West Brom were the only team who had not conceded a header, and the one man you would expect to shatter that record was heading specialist Tim Cahill, and the Samoan-Aussie duly obliged on 41 minutes, rising to nod a Baines corner back where it came for 2-1. Jermaine Beckford came on ten minutes into the second period, and had one of those games. He opened his action by having a shot partially saved, then cleared off the line by Tamas. Minutes later, and all Hell broke loose; orchestrated by Chilean Gonzalo Jara, who has previous.
You may remember Jara from his outrageous two-footed lunge at Blackpool . Well, he was up to his old tricks again when he looked to have viciously smashed what looked like an elbow in Leighton Baines’ face on the edge of his own box, pole-axing the left-back, who normally goes down under much softer contact. The Chilean hot-head then scampered away with the ball; a wound-up Steven Pienaar in hot pursuit. Pienaar then almost got a red card after clearly attempting to kick Jara up in the air, but the bulky Chilean saw him coming and barged the angry little South African away, only to run into an equally feisty Mikel Arteta, who shielded the ball, but took exception to the Chilean once again launching in with two feet; responding by stamping on his assailant, who avoided serious contact but nevertheless milked it for all it was worth. Lee Mason then staggered Everton by ignoring all incidents other than Arteta’s tame retribution. Apparently aggressors are fine by Mason, it’s the retaliators who deserve a punishment. Jara got something of a comeuppance later, when Tim Cahill surreptitiously raked his studs down the Chilean’s achilles when Mason was presumably looking for some time-wasters. Aside from this incident, the rest of the game was memorable for Jermaine Beckford producing a stunning catalogue of sitter misses, first a close-range volley that hit Row Z. Somen Tchoyi then made him pay by receiving a crossfield pass adeptly, cutting outside and finding the top corner to put the game out of Everton’s reach. Beckford then looked a bit of a prat when he was free about 8 yards out, but decided to attempt a ludicrous twisting scissor-kick, which flew wide. Youssouf Mulumbu played a neat one-two and finished off Distin’s chest for the fourth West Brom goal in the 86th minute, but he will have regretted charging into the crowd, because that booking left him sent off for a second yellow moments later, when he up-ended Steven Pienaar.
Another thriller involving Blackpool, who will be devastated to only come away with a point after taking a two-goal lead, though that, like West Ham with Piquionne and Everton with Beckford, was more down to the appalling finishing of DJ Campbell than any collapse. He missed at least 3 glaring opportunities to seal the game, and Marlon Harewood can’t return soon enough. Ian Evatt had glanced an Eliot Grandin corner into the net for the opener, and it was added to in the second half from the same source, with Sheffield Wednesday reject Luke Varney doing the damage the second time. There then followed a series of mostly DJ Campbell misses, before Martin Petrov came on just on the hour. Fifteen minutes later, a ball rolled into him by Kevin Davies was flicked up and volleyed almost in the same movement, crashing into the top corner with Kingson motionless. Blackpool were then put under siege for the last 15 minutes, with Bolton creating some intricate moves. Martin Petrov saw a thunderous effort cleared off the line before Mark and Kevin Davies combined and worked the ball to Elmander in the box, who nonchalantly found Ivan Klasnic under pressure, who spun and laid a cute ball off to Mark Davies again, who finished for the icing on the cake of a delicious move. These two teams continue to be amongst the Premier League’s most entertaining.
Two of the Premier League’s most boring teams met at the Britannia, where Roberto Mancini lined up against Tony Pulis, not really comprehending how Pulis was actually integral to Mancini being in this role. For, you see, Mancini would not have been in the role had City not been the world’s richest club. And they would not have been the world’s richest club if Sheikh Mansour had not seen them in the Premier League. And of course, they would perhaps not have been in the Premier League now had they not been promoted back to the old first division in that play-off comeback win in the same season neighbours United were winning the Treble. That second division play-off final was against Gillingham , a side then managed by, you guessed it: Tony Pulis. Gillingham had gone two goals up and were in control, when Pulis decided to take off their biggest threat; a man who had tormented City, scored one goal, and could have provided a counter-attacking focal point in the final minutes or extra time; Carl Asaba. By withdrawing him and putting on a defender, Pulis gambled and cocked up badly. City staged a late comeback and Gillingham had no figurehead in attack; eventually losing on penalties when Asaba could have made the difference, if only Pulis had the courage to keep him on.
Aside from that little historical footnote, Pulis played his usual tactic of lumping it up to the big men and hurling it into the box. Rory Delap’s shoulders will have to be replaced with titanium ones by the time he retires. Movember seemed to have been acknowledged by a number of Stoke’s team too, which was nice. James Milner was forced to clear a Kenwyne Jones touch off the line, and for the most part City looked like they didn’t fancy a bit of rough ‘n’ tumble on a freezing cold day in the Potteries. That was, until the 81st minute, when Milner slid a short pass to Micah Richards, with his back to goal and a defender breathing down his neck. Suddenly, the whole stadium erupted, as Richards let the ball roll through his legs, dropped his shoulder, turned and lashed the ball in for what everyone thought was a fabulous winner. When Robert Huth missed a glorious chance in the dying minutes they thought it was all over, but they reckoned without Stoke’s secret weapon: flair, in the form of Tuncay, whose sublime backheel bamboozled three Mancitti defenders and let in Matty Etherington to score a last-gasp equaliser.
Tottenham completed their perfect week with a late comeback victory against Liverpool , who lost Jamie Carragher for a few weeks with a dislocated shoulder. The game proved a curious game of pairs: Fernando Torres galloped through, only to be superbly tackled by Sebastien Bassong in the first and second half, Jose Reina spilled one chance that was blocked on the line by Carragher, then repeated the trick in the second half, with Meireles coming to his rescue. And of course the most obvious pair was the Evil Egg himself; Martin Skrtel, who scored an incredibly lucky goal, before sliding a low cross into his own net in the second half. It was as if a mirror had been held up to each half with the way patterns repeated. Maxi screwed up two glorious chances, and was joined on the roll of shame by David N’Gog, who should be deducted wages for the most appalling miss, followed by giving away a penalty for handling a Bale free-kick, which Jermain Defoe proceeded to drag wide. Defoe was then denied a goal by the linesman’s flag, while Heurelho Gomes vitally punched a cross floating straight into the head of Torres. In the last minute, Spurs were in delirium, as Crouch flicked a high ball on, and Lennon beat a dozy Konchesky to the punch, robbing and outpacing him before finishing coolly. The same player burst through just afterwards, but his glorious run was let down by a finish that went just wide. Titanic comeback at the Emirates; Champion’s League progress; comeback win against Liverpool : a dream week to be a Spurs fan.
Fulham dug deep despite their injury problems, to grab a much-needed point against Birmingham
Until next time my ravenous goal perverts…
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