Cream of Manchester

With 2010 being the year that Chelsea re-established themselves among the elite and won the double, they ended the year in fifth place, grateful for a scrambled win over Bolton to keep them in touch, while Manchester United went into a New Year unbeaten in a season for the first time in Sir Alex Ferguson’s reign; now of course the longest in the Red Devils’ illustrious history. Liverpool fans are calling for Roy’s head after no time in charge, while Mark Hughes has ‘saved his job’ if you believe the tabloid speculation. Both Manchester clubs still sit proudly as first and second in the table.

Chelsea finally earned a brief reprieve from their malaise with a narrow victory earned over Bolton at Stamford Bridge, thanks to a moment of penetration, when the Trotters’ appalling offside trap was sprung by Didier Drogba, who crossed low for Florent Malouda to tap into an empty net. In truth this was a massive opportunity for Bolton to capitalise on Chelsea’s uncertainty missed. Frank Lampard threaded through for Drogba to strike a post, and Michael Essien nearly scrambled the ball in via Ivan Klasnic from a corner. Bolton missed the elegant trickery of Chung-Yong Lee on the wing, and instead had to make do with Matt Taylor’s generally hopeless long-range shooting. Bolton were also missing the midfield guile of Tamir Cohen, whose father; former Liverpool player Avi, tragically died following a motorcycle accident. Still, if Bolton had all been as crafty and purposeful as Stuart Holden they may have got something from this game, but instead it is Chelsea who can look ahead with a little more optimism, as they attempt claw their way back into the title picture in 2011.

Mancitti briefly tasted life as top dogs, after crushing a pitiful Aston Villa side 4-0, leaving a beleaguered Gerard Houllier looking very concerned about his prospects. Villa fans were looking for a much better display after the capitulation at the feet of Spurs, but instead were treated to much worse. Any thoughts of a tight first half were  quashed by the 12^th minute, when Villa were already two goals down, after Mario Balotelli had been hacked down and converted a penalty, and Joleon Lescott had seen his header from a corner cross the line despite the efforts of the diminutive Barry Bannan. Villa were particularly seething at the second goal, because they had been forcibly reduced to ten men after Carlos Cuellar had injured himself executing a brilliant last-ditch challenge on Yaya Toure to concede the corner. Insult to injury if there ever were such an incidence. With Carlos Tevez benched with a tight hamstring, it was up to Adam Johnson and the immaculate David Silva to provide penetration, and they didn’t fail to respond. A lovely move culminated in the Spaniard coaxing a ball into Yaya Toure, taking the return, and avoiding three players to whip a shot in that was spilled to the feet of Mario Balotelli for an easy goal. Villa responded with very little, and it was 4-0 before the hour mark, when Adam Johnson showed his class; cutting outside Stephen Warnock and inside Marc Albrighton, before being sent crashing to the deck. Super Mario stepped up, put Brad Friedel on his backside and celebrated his hat-trick from the spot.

Manchester United were seething after a dubious late goal from Birmingham denied them a clear lead at the top of the table. Ryan Giggs was once again a measure of class, and he sounded an early warning with a floated shot on his weaker foot that Ben Foster tipped against the inside of the post and out. Birmingham showed some restrained ambition in the first half, but this was all over by the second period. Razor-sharp Bulgarian Dimitar Berbatov continued his hot vein of form just before the hour mark; trading passes with Darron Gibson before burying the return inside Ben Foster’s near post. Later, Berbatov weaved more of his magic; shimmying and swaying towards the edge of the Birmingham box before striking the post with his effort. Lee Bowyer had been fortunate to stay on the pitch after an ugly studs-up challenge on Darron Gibson left the Ulsterman thankful his foot had slid away on the turf rather than staying planted, and of all people it was Ryan Giggs who got some measure of retribution with a superb if very heavy challenge which up-ended Bowyer and sent the ball way into the stand. Alex McLeish abandoned the original gameplan of caution laced with more caution, and instead sent for the big man to lump the ball up to. This appeared to work in the last minute, when a high cross was flicked on by Zigic for a suspiciously-offside-looking Lee Bowyer to slide in at the back post; though most people could see on the initial viewing that the Serb had been all over Rio Ferdinand, and that the ball had flicked off his forearm.

Tottenham continued to keep pace with Chelski after a victory over Newcastle, despite being down to ten men for much of the second half. Tim Krul, who had given Manchester City their opening goal with his stupidity last time out, produced a save which rivals Craig Gordon’s against Bolton to liven up proceedings. A devious Aaron Lennon cross was met with a textbook header from Roman Pavlyuchenko, but somehow Krul flew full length to throw both hands up and deflect the bullet header onto the inside of one post and along the goal-line to hit the other, before being cleared. A magnificent save which lamentably for Krul did not inspire his side enough. Andy Carroll was as usual the main goal threat for Newcastle, but even he could not find a breakthrough, and in the second period Tottenham’s relentless attacks bore fruit. Younes Kaboul sent Aaron Lennon away with a fantastic ball, and the winger flew towards Newcastle’s goal, unleashing a cross-shot that nicked in off James Perch. Kaboul, who had been immense, went from hero to zero after a bone-shuddering challenge from Chekh Tiote sent him reeling. Kaboul moved to remonstrate with his assailant, while Tiote seemed to think Kaboul tried to stamp on him. The aggressive expressions of both was destined to lead to a reaction, and Kaboul lost his head by planting it into Tiote’s, for a red card. Tottenham’s second will be much-maligned by Newcastle, because it stemmed from Andy Carroll being fouled as he worked an opening on the edge of the Spurs box. The big man won the ball back with a sliding tackle, but was hacked as he moved across the box and stumbled heavily, but attempted to continue before falling. The referee stupidly allowed play to continue as Spurs dug the ball out and countered in lightning quick time. Luka Modric orchestrated the move and fed Gareth Bale, who, despite the close attentions of more than one defender, raced into the box and launched a shot through two men and across goal for the clincher.

An incredible game, which is typical for Blackpool this season, ensued at the Stadium of Light; a ground no other team had won at this season. Never again will a home team have such a litany of glorious opportunities and not score, let alone lose. The fun began early, when a Blackpool defensive cock-up saw the ball slid past his own goalkeeper by a Tangerine defender. Asamoah Gyan galloped onto it but ran out of pitch and could only fire into the side netting. Richard Kingson then somehow shovelled Jordan Henderson’s rasping drive wide; more through luck than judgment. Gyan then scuffed an absolute sitter wide when a ball missed a mass of players and found him at the back stick. The home fans were left agape when Blackpool took the lead against all known logic, when a lovely Neil Eardley cross was flicked on by Evatt, to find DJ Campbell, normally the most profligate of strikers, who this time volleyed in coolly. Sunderland then resumed their onslaught, but Gyan slid a teasing low cross high, wide and not very handsome. There then followed a moment of utter incredulity, as not one but two Blackpool defenders ludicrously miskicked to leave Darren Bent free with just Kingson to beat, but the goalkeeper stayed big to block the Mackems’ striker’s effort, before Elmohamedy turned in a thunderous follow-up which was dive-headed away from being a certain goal. Darren Bent then must have known it was not his day, as his late free-kick bounced off the crossbar and out. Blackpool provided a keg of salt to rub into the Back Cats’ wounds, when youngster Matty Phillips beat two men and sent in a superb low cross which even DJ Campbell couldn’t miss; though he tried his best, hitting the underside of the crossbar from little more than a yard, but it went in and ‘Ollie went home beaming, as most neutrals did once again.

Arsenal did what they do best at Wigan: defy the odds to drop points. The Latics were in the mood at the DW, and Hugo Rodallega should have finished a magnificent cross from Tom Cleverley, but could only reach it with his hand. Wigan took the lead in the 17^th minute when their most incisive player; Charles N’Zogbia, produced a stunning weaving dribble into Arsenal territory, when a lazy leg from Laurent Koscielny sent him crashing to earth, right on the penalty area borderline. The referee gave Wigan the benefit of the doubt, and Ben Watson stepped up to take advantage. Suddenly Arsene Wenger was regretting the decision to change most his winning Chelsea team. At the other end, a Tomas Rosicky drive was parried by Al-Habsi, into the path of Laurent Koscielny, but the dozy Frenchman was denied a goal by a fantastic challenge from Gary Caldwell. Arsenal did get their rewards though, when slack Wigan play let Nicklas Bendtner in to power in a drive that Al-Habsi could only parry to Andrei Arshavin, whose scissor-kick beat Gary Caldwell on the goal-line. Wigan didn’t learn their lesson though, and Nicklas Bendtner had the favour returned by Arshavin on the stroke of half-time; bundling through numerous challenges with a lovely touch and slid into the corner for 2-1. Arsenal forced the issue at times in the second period, but Wigan had a cracking break led by Charles N’Zogbia and James McArthur, which culminated in the Frenchman having his shot on his weaker side clocked by Fabianski. Ali Al-Habsi got Hendry Thomas out of jail when he saved expertly from Arshavin, but things got a lot more difficult for the Latics, when Charles N’Zogbia lost his head and pushed it into Jack Wilshere’s for a straight red card. Game over, thought the neutral, but they reckoned without some slapstick defending from Arsenal’s gormless Gallic centre-halves. After Laurent Koscielny had given away a penalty and missed a chance to score, it was his centre-half’s turn to embarrass himself, when a deep Wigan corner beat everyone and was nodded back into the middle by Hugo Rodallega, where Gary Caldwell was waiting to nod into an empty net, only to be beaten to it by Sebastien Squillaci’s ‘Superman’ impression; climbing over the back of the Wigan defender to head ludicrously into his own net. There was just enough time for an Arsenal riposte, but they were denied a clear penalty at the death when a free-kick was clearly handled by the fortunate James McArthur.

Liverpool heaped more shame on their long-suffering fans with a defeat to the Premier League’s bottom club at Anfield; a club which rarely scores and even more rarely keeps a clean sheet, particularly away from home. But do that they did. All it took for Wolves to celebrate one of the finest results in their recent history was for Sotirios Kyrgiakos to nod weakly away to Sylvain Ebanks-Blake, and then attempt to intercept his flick at the same time as Martin Skrtel, leading to the ball squeezing between them and letting in Stephen Ward, who scampered to the loose ball and stabbed it under Reina in the nick of time to find the corner of the Liverpool net. The only Liverpool attack of note was a disallowed goal from ‘Evil Egg’ Skrtel; played offside by an excellent offside ploy from the Wanderers, who came away justifiably proud of their efforts. Roy Hodgson meanwhile has to contend with a section of his club’s fans calling for Kenny Dalglish to step in, whilst another section of apparent amnesiacs call for the return of Rafael Benitez.

Mark Hughes lifted the ridiculous ultimatum heaped on him by the tabloid press by winning at the notoriously difficult Britannia Stadium; not so notoriously difficult now as Blackpool also won there not so long ago, but then they have a nice habit of winning at intimidating away grounds. The game was sewn up within the first ten minutes. Northern Irish defender Chris Baird caught the ball sweet as a nut for a superb half-volley in off the post with just three minutes gone, and then cracked an even more impressive free-kick across the goal and in on ten. Danny Murphy later nodded a scrambled Ryan Shawcross header off the line, and Fulham were resilient to the end. The game ended with Tony Pulis proving he may look like a grumpy old man, but he can play a little girl when the mood arises; the Stoke boss refusing to shake Mark Hughes’ hand at full-time. Not for him a sullen scowl down the tunnel, no, he was actually childish enough to approach Hughes and offer his hand before taking it away. The camera didn’t pick him up putting his thumb to his nose and sticking his tongue out, but you sensed he would have relished it. This of course dates back to a League Cup tie early in the season, where Mark Hughes refused to shake Pulis’ hand. In Hughes’ defence, he had just witnessed Danny Collins execute a ‘ridiculous’ tackle in the last minute that had injured one of his players, so I think we can chalk it up to ‘heat of the moment’. Pulis’, however, was very much stage-managed and premeditated. It seems he dreams up revenge in the playground as well as tactics.

Steve Kean actually disproved the notion that Blackburn may well not win again without Big Sam’s ‘up and at ‘em’ motivation and rigorous tactical deployments at set-pieces. A long ball from El-Hadji Diouf managed to completely bamboozle the snoozing West Brom backline, giving Nikola Kalinic an age to take it down, take a couple of paces, set himself and slot in past Scott Carson. Somen Tchoyi brought the Baggies back into it with an exquisite low cross fed around four Blackburn defenders, to leave Jerome Thomas sliding it into the unguarded net for 1-1. But after that the Baggies strangely lost their ‘boing’, and Kalinic bundled in his second after Ryan Nelsen nodded a set-piece back across goal. Mame Biryam Diouf made the game safe; diving to head in a cross from his namesake El-Hadji where the boots were flying. Kalinic then disgusted most inside the Hawthorns with a horrendous challenge on Paul Scharner, who was fortunate his feet did not plant in the turf. The hot-headed Croatian was sent off, and was later followed, as is often the case, by a West Brom player. Not Gonzalo Jara for once, but Gabriel Tamas; given a red for a professional foul as last man, despite being far from the penalty box.

West Ham picked up another useful point but not three at the Boleyn, while Everton still fail to put together a meaningful run of results. Tony Hibbert is a lot like Jamie Carragher. Neither has particularly prominent football ability, but they both run their hearts out and throw themselves in the way. Unfortunately for Hibbert, his football ability was needed rather more than his dedication, when he spooned a clearance into his own net following a frantic goalmouth scramble. He had also netted an own goal the last time he was at Upton Park. David Moyes bizarrely benched all his strikers to leave Tim Cahill leading the line, and it looked to pay off somewhat when the Samoan-Aussie crossed for Seamus Coleman to gamble and volley in coolly at the back post. Ayegbeni Yakubu could not make an impact after being introduced on the hour, while Robert Green had to be alert to save a late Fellaini header.

Until 2011…

Jingle Balls

The festive feast of football has begun in earnest, and Chelsea are as low as fifth, while for the first time in Premier League history, both Manchester teams are top of the tree.

Arsenal finally found a winning mentality against one of their big rivals, by convincingly beating Chelsea 3-1 at the Emirates. After the draw against Spurs, and the return of Michael Essien and Frank Lampard, many felt this was the game in which Chelsea would miraculously rediscover their formidable early season form, known by the press as the ‘Wilkins Era’. This notion was soon ruined when Arsenal seized initiative early on and kept the ball like it was a training session; forcing Chelsea players all over the pitch in hopeless attempts at dispossession. The Gunners looked hungry for a result, and dominated possession almost embarrassingly. The key difference this time was that they converted their superiority into a lead on the stroke of half-time, when a lovely sequence of passes in tight areas led to Jack Wilshere fooling three Chelsea defenders and finding Fabregas, who was up-ended, but watched delighted as team-mate Alexandre Song spun to find the corner of the net amid the melee.

The second half would normally have seen a powerful Chelsea response, but instead it was Arsenal who continued to throw the punches, finishing the game off in a relentless two minutes just after the break, when Michael Essien made a boo-boo; the Ghanaian stopper’s tackle on Robin Van Persie proving an inch-perfect through-ball which Theo Walcott galloped onto before touching away from Cech for Cesc Fabregas to gleefully roll into the empty net. Sensing blood, Arsenal went in for the kill, and two minutes later Walcott again instigated a goal. This time it was Florent Malouda dithering in the middle of the park, when Walcott dashed in to nip it off his toes, feeding Fabregas and taking the cunning return before dispatching brilliantly into the corner of Cech’s net. Chelski were dead and buried, though serial Arsenal slayer Didier Drogba had an impact five minutes later, as his floated free-kick was nodded past Fabianski by Branislav Ivanovic. Still, this proved little more than a consolation, and Arsenal did not sit back and man the trenches. They should have increased the lead in fact when Samir Nasri was put through but bizarrely opted to flick lethargically rather than getting a meaty lob over the advancing Cech. Still, an impressive victory for Arsenal, whose fans can finally lift their heads high after seeing off Chelsea.

Manchester United found their imperious best once more against a decimated Sunderland at Old Trafford to ruin neighbours City’s brief spell atop the apex. Ryan Giggs once again ran the show, and after he’d weaved a spell through the heart of the Mackems’ defence, he found Wayne Rooney, who picked out Dimitar Berbatov at the back post; nodding home consummately for the opening goal after just five minutes. More Giggs magic left Rooney in space on the edge of the box minutes later, and the prodigal son almost brought the house down by executing a superb chip, bringing to mind another infamous chip against the same opponents some 13 years ago by one Eric Cantona; only this dropped inches wide of its target. United were so in control that Anderson looked a player. A lavishly disguised pass from Anderson found Berbatov, looking razor sharp and advancing, before unleashing an effort that thudded back of the foot of the upright; whilst Giggs and Anderson combined later to let in the Brazilian, whose first shot was blocked, and second crashed down off the crossbar. The onslaught continued into the second half, with Craig Gordon saving from Ryan Giggs, and in the 57^th minute, Anderson once again found the right pass, which Berbatov fired in off the luckless brother of Rio; Anton Ferdinand. More chances followed, and it beggared belief that the game was going to end just 2-0, but end that way it did, but not before Sunderland finally had a shot on target in the last ten minutes.

Manchester City clinically dispatched Alan Pardew’s black and white army at St James’ Park, with a little help from their foes. Newcastle didn’t so much shoot themselves in the foot as the head with their Keystone Cops defending. Goalkeeper Tim Krul decided he hadn’t had enough to do in the second minute, so played a nicely weighted ball to Carlos Tevez, who gleefully found the lurking Gareth Barry to score the opener. By the five minute mark it was two. This time Tevez ran unchecked to the edge of the box, before laying the ball wide to James Milner. Fabricio Coloccini then decided it might be an opportune time for a nap, and with one Argentine asleep at his post, another stole in to convert Milner’s typically excellent delivery. City being City, they then proceeded to stifle the crap out of the game, which was only slightly  reinvigorated on 72 minutes, when Newcastle talisman Andy Carroll rose to plant a Barton corner into the net past the defender on the goal-line. For a period, City looked shaky, but this was all academic when Tevez once again was given the freedom of the penalty box to cut outside his man and unleash an effort that hit first Danny Simpson, and then his dozy compatriot Coloccini before apologetically finding the net. A clever Joey Barton free-kick was sussed by Joe Hart, and that was that.

Gerard Houllier again flattered to deceive as Aston Villa boss, after watching his side crash to yet another reversal. Villa were feeling hard done by when Emile Heskey appeared to be clattered by Heurelho Gomes early in the game, but Martin Atkinson said nothing doing. Younes Kaboul felt aggrieved himself when his goal was disallowed, after Alan Hutton had appeared to keep the ball just in play from a deep Van Der Vaart free-kick, but Atkinson favoured Villa’s cause this time. Gomes was called into action again to save from Agbonlahor, after him and Heskey had combined, but Spurs opened the scoring in the 23^rd minute, after a magnificent raking pass from Luka Modric had found Alan Hutton charging down the flank. The right-back then fed the ball across, leaving two Villa defenders on their backsides and the ball in the net via Rafael Van Der Vaart’s left foot. Just four minutes later, Spurs were ruing Atkinson’s intervention once more, after the official dismissed Jermain Defoe for leading with his arm, though any intent at all seemed to be focussed on the ball. The second half saw Spurs adopt a siege mentality and take the game to the home side, and a typically swashbuckling counter-attack led by Bale’s pace found Aaron Lennon at the back post, who then had the presence of mind to lay it back into the path of Van Der Vaart, who brilliantly swept it into the net despite the ball being under his feet. Villa were finished, but their shining star was once again young winger Marc Albrighton, who stung Gomes’ fingertips before sending in a peach of an inswinging cross, which James Collins missed (much like most of his attempted clearances); fooling Gomes and allowing the ball to bounce into the corner of his net for a consolation goal. The natives are getting restless in the Midlands.

Another incredible case of irresponsible media coverage led to the ludicrous suggestion that Mark Hughes’ job was on the line after a defeat to the hapless Hammers which sent the Cottagers spiralling into the relegation zone. Fulham are missing talismanic target man Bobby Zamora and new star Moussa Dembele, while Andy Johnson is still looking for his sharpness, so it was no surprise that when their normally resolute defence gave away ridiculous goals the writing would be on the wall. Like Newcastle, Fulham were the architects of their own downfall, after centre-back Aaron Hughes had given them a lead with an unmarked header on 10 minutes. The lead was surrendered in comic cuts fashion, with a poor cross from headless chicken Freddie Sears being diverted perfectly into Carlton Cole’s stride by Dickson Etuhu; which the England striker converted coolly. Mark Schwarzer was on hand to deny Cole a second, but on half-time Fulham were deflated, as their lead was turned into a deficit. Scott Parker picked out a deep cross, and the Fulham backline stood motionless as Frederic Piquionne stole in free at the back post to head into a gaping net. A Carlton Cole backheel set up Freddie Sears in the second half, but the youngster once again lost his head, while Andy Johnson was foiled by Rob Green. Fulham’s misery was complete on 72 minutes, when Aaron Hughes took a leaf out of Dickson Etuhu’s book, and nodded down perfectly for Carlton Cole to poach his second goal of the game; the first time he has claimed a brace in his Premier League career. Perhaps he should move to Fulham for better service.

Wigan Athletic repeated their age-old trick of pulling off a result when you least expect it; beating relegation rivals Wolves at Molineux. Colombian firecracker Hugo Rodallega spun his man on nine minutes to fire in the game’s opening goal, after Tom Cleverley had cleverly flicked it on. Wolves almost responded quickly, but for the great hands of Ali Al-Habsi on his goal-line denying Christophe Berra. English football’s lowest scorers then doubled their lead, with Rodallega providing a classy reverse pass to set Cleverley through between defenders to fire between Wayne Hennessey’s legs and in. Wolves then howled at the referee for a penalty, after Stephen Ward hit the deck, but were to be frustrated, as they were when Latics captain Antonin Alcaraz headed the ball blindly against his own arm inside the box. Ali Al-Habsi pulled off a stunning improvisational save, when a Milijas free-kick was heavily deflected. The Omanian goalkeeper had gone down but readjusted to boot the ball away with his trailing leg to preserve Wigan’s lead. Wolves huffed and puffed but could not find a way through until the 86^th minute, when a free-kick was nicked away from a clutch of players to the feet of Stephen Fletcher who poked it in. Unfortunately for Mick McCarthy, this proved to be merely a consolation, which will be no consolation to the fiery Yorkshireman.

Blackburn continued their nosedive under their no-name caretaker, by losing at Big Sam’s own game to Tony Pulis’ Stoke City at Ewood Park. The chicken farmers look like they’ve lost their heads by appointing Steve Kean as permanent boss. If he was that good a manager, why had he never been employed as one before? Blackburn do not have a good enough squad to play expansive football, and quite frankly Big Sam’s rigorous drilling of anti-football tactics was the only surefire way to guarantee their survival. Rovers seem to be favourites for relegation now, unless there is more of an injection of cash in January than the reported £5million. Perhaps the Indian owners saw that Blackburn once signed a goalscorer who helped them to the Premiership title for £5million, but that was 15 years ago and it was Chris Sutton. Stoke nearly took the lead early on through the familiar source of a Rory Delap long throw, but Matty Etherington could only volley back along the goal-line and away. After a forgettable first half, Stoke finally took the lead when the familiar figure of Robert Huth bulleted a header in from an Etherington corner. Etherington once again caused havoc when he set up Kenwyne Jones for a header, but this time Paul Robinson proved equal to it. Kenwyne Jones bundled through three weak Blackburn challenges and put Paul Robinson down, but still couldn’t quite beat the ex-England goalkeeper from a closing angle. Stoke finally killed the game off in the last minute, when Jonathan Walters flicked the ball into the box, where Ricardo Fuller found a low cross to Mark Wilson, who passed it into the net.

Bolton Wanderers held their impressive position in the upper echelons of the Premier League with an excellent victory over West Brom. Peter Odemwingie had a rare off day for the Baggies, which cost them the game. Bolton took the lead when a through-ball found Chung-Yong Lee galloping through and rounding the goalkeeper; apparently going too far, before cutting instantly back to Matt Taylor for an easy finish. Taylor then proceeded to milk his applause for all it was worth and forgot who had put it on a plate for him. Odemwingie missed some sitters before the game slipped away with four minutes to go. Johan Elmander broke through into the box and looked for Klasnic in the centre. When the ball was intercepted and fell back at Elmander’s feet, the big Swede proceeded to find the net from an imposing angle to finish the game for Wanderers. Sixth place is a welcome Christmas present for the Trotters.

Until a couple of days…

Let it snow

It was snow joke as the weekend’s Premier League fixtures were decimated by the unheralded snowfall. Only three fixtures braved the conditions, leading to questions about how credible Chelsea’s excuses were for postponing their game with Manchester United, with cynics suggesting they could not afford to lose the game so did not hesitate to call the game off very early, despite later photographs of the surrounding areas suggesting there would not have been a problem with fans getting to Stamford Bridge.

Sunderland maintained their impressive home record with a slightly fortunate victory against Bolton, and in the process condemned the Trotters to their fourth defeat, leaving the Mackems with the fewest Premier League defeats bar Manchester United. This was a match of meaty challenges, with Gary Cahill and perennial sinner Lee Cattermole perhaps fortunate to stay on the pitch, and Steve Bruce once again was rewarded for ambition; playing his trident of talent up front. Asamoah Gyan went close early on, but Jaaskelainen gathered despite a late deflection. Sunderland took the lead in the 32^nd minute, when Darren Bent expertly took down a deep cross, and fired in a shot before Sam Ricketts could get across. Jaaskelainen palmed out, but only to Danny Wellbeck; flinging himself at the loose ball to dive-head in past men on the line. Aside from this moment of incisiveness, the key moment came just before half-time, when Bolton should have equalised. A Matt Taylor corner was nodded brilliantly back into the centre of goal by Gary Cahill, and the unmarked Zat Knight lunged to stab in from all of four yards, only to meet with the save of the season from Craig Gordon, somehow finding the reflexes to get an arm across strong enough to flick it over the crossbar practically a yard from the goal-line. It called to mind Jim Montgomery’s wonder save for, ironically, Sunderland, in the 1973 FA Cup final versus Leeds, amongst others.

This seemed to be the catalyst for the victory, though Wellback came close to adding to his tally in the second half; coaxing the ball against the outside of the post after Darren Bent had miskicked a Jordan Henderson cross. Bolo Zenden nodded a glorious chance wide late on, and Ivan Klasnic blew two massive chances late in the day, with red and white bodies brilliantly throwing themselves on the line to preserve this excellent victory.

Blackburn lined up without Big Sam, but it was the same old rubbish really. A truly appalling spectacle, this game will be instantly forgotten. Matthew Upson once again made us question how he ever played for his country, while newbie Belgian goalkeeper Ruud Boffin, who looked like a cooler version of Ian Walker, showed signs of perhaps being more reliable than Rob Green, who was missing for the Hammers. The Rovers goal summed the game up after an atrocious first half had finished: a cross slung in by Emerton, Tal-Ben Haim upset his dad by stabbing the ball back into the danger zone, where Benjani missed his kick, and Ryan Nelsen had a scruffy punt at it, which Boffin superbly saved, only for Nelsen to get his knee to the rebound and watch it crawl across the line. Big Sam would have been proud. Morten Gamst Pedersen had a number of free-kicks in dangerous areas, but failed to make the most of them. A scramble at the Blackburn end saw a poor Salgado clearance put back into the box, where it hit Pedersen much like it had hit Ben Haim at the other end, but this time the centre-back coming onto it was Matthew Upson, and he could only hit the post with a cleaner strike. Another familiar aspect was Frederic Piquionne missing glorious chances, but finally class shone through in the form of Scott Parker, whose weaving run beat three defenders and led to Gael Givet moronically giving the ball to the oncoming Junior Stanislas, who buried the equaliser. There was still time for a disallowed David Dunn goal, but this was truly awful.

Mancitti missed the chance to be top at Christmas, despite Carlos Tevez ‘doing a Rooney’ and deciding he will actually stay at Eastlands. Seamus Coleman dinked a ball in for Cahill to bury with his head, before some nice exchanges inside the box led to Leighton Baines curling in with his weaker foot for 2-0 with less than twenty minutes on the clock. Yaya Toure left Phil Neville bleeding, but it was brother Kolo who was to have the worst afternoon. After being culpable in at least one of the goals, Kolo then got himself sent off with two bookings in a minute late on, but not before Yaya had dragged City back into it with his shot that was deflected in for an own goal by Phil Jagielka. Victor Anichebe was also sent off for more innocuous reasons, but the moment of the match came when Tim Howard displayed some magnificent goalkeeping in tackling Mario Balotelli, waiting to tap into an empty net after hitting the post, before throwing himself across to brilliantly save the follow-up effort from Tevez. City were angered that three handball appeals were turned down, but in the end it was their lack of ambition and ineptitude at the back that cost them bragging rights at Yuletide.

We Three Kings

A week which saw the most unjust sacking in Premier League history, and Newcastle owner Mike Arsehole, ummm, Ashley further drag the club’s name through the mud, while Blackburn soon followed suit, also saw a new leader at the Premier League summit.

Manchester United are the new unbeaten leaders of the Premier League, after a hard-fought but deserving win against challengers Arsenal. Arsene Wenger complained about the pitch, but in truth Arsenal offered very little offensively, and went down to a superb piece of improvisation from perennial big-game deliverer Park Ji-Sung, when Nani sent over a deflected cross that the South Korean adjusted to perfectly to glance into the corner of Premier League debutant Wojciech Szczesny’s net via the post. United had two penalty claims for handball; the first from Chamakh denied, the second from Clichy awarded, only for Wayne Rooney to belt it way over the crossbar. Szczesny generally impressed for the Gunners with a confident display, the pick of which was a ‘starfish’ save from Anderson, patented of course by former United great Peter Schmeichel. Arsenal came closest when man-of-the-moment Samir Nasri brought the best out of Edwin Van Der Sar, who had Nemanja Vidic to thank for sliding across to prevent Chamakh from turning the rebound in. Yet another defeat to a fellow title-challenger for the Gunners.

Chelsea still can’t buy a win, though a draw away at Spurs these days is not considered a bad result. Frank Lampard finally made a comeback from the longest spell of injury in his career, pretty much coinciding with the time I put him in my fantasy football team. After just fifteen minutes, Chelsea were once again feeling sorry for themselves, when Jermain Defoe, suspiciously offside, received a long pass and backtracked across the box before feeding a cute ball into the feet of Roman Pavlyuchenko, who took one touch away from John Terry and Jon Obi Mikel and smashed inside Petr Cech’s near post. Salomon Kalou then conspired to miss a host of chances, before Nicolas Anelka netted, only to be denied by a linesman’s flag. Anelka then conspired to give the ball away in a dangerous area, leading to Pavlyuchenko sending Defoe cantering through, only for Cech to read it well and slide it off his toes. Heurelho Gomes’ notorious eccentricity hadn’t shown itself yet, and his plunging save denied Didier Drogba, before he brilliantly tipped over a certain own goal from Wilson Palacios. Unfortunately for Tottenham it couldn’t last, and when Drogba outmuscled Michael Dawson, with more than a hint of handball, the Brazilian goalkeeper made a real hash of dealing with the Ivorian’s bullet drive, leading to an apologetic equaliser. Gomes must have thought all his nightmares were coming true when he was penalised for barging into Ramires in the very last minute to give away a spot-kick from which there would be no recovery, but the Brazilian partially redeemed himself with a point-saving penalty save from Drogba to leave Chelsea with just two wins from the last six games.

In the Lancashire Derby, the Premier League’s new artisans took on the team managed by their most prominent manager of recent times. Big Sam, who hoped to be flush with a transfer kitty to splurge on more cloggers and target men, saw the new-look Bolton be cheeky enough to snatch the points with a couple of goals right out of his own playbook, and later found out his huge ego was not enough to save him from the sack as the new owners decided they would rather watch good football than put up with percentage play week after week. After Zat Knight was rescued from a red card by his fellow defender, and Gael Givet made the most hilarious hash of converting a simple rebound, the first half was over.

The second half contained no little acrimony. After Paul Robinson had made a good save from a deflected Stuart Holden free-kick, Mark Davies stupidly led with his arm in an aerial tussle with Phil Jones, leaving the youngster needing treatment and Davies needing an early bath for a second yellow that could have been a straight red. Jussi Jaaskelainen was shakey on another free-kick, and Kevin Davies of all people brilliantly cleared a towering Christopher Samba header off his own goal-line; leaving most Trotters fans fearing the worst. After all their tidy approach play, Bolton then proceeded to shock Rovers by taking the lead from a set-piece. After Holden dinked a free-kick into a congested box, Ryan Nelsen’s header did not have enough purchase, and substitute Fabrice Muamba, who had started every game before this without scoring, took it down quickly, dragged back to avoid Nelsen’s recovery lunge, and fired inside Robinson’s near post. Bolton managed to hold the lead until late in the game, but just when they were imagining a ten-man victory against the odds, a tackle won in central midfield led to a break, where Jason Roberts flicked the ball through to Mame Biryam Diouf, who, despite heavy pressure from Gary Cahill, dinked superbly over the advancing Jaaskelainen for a cracking equaliser. Pride came before a fall though, and straight from kick-off, the ball was played back to Gary Cahill, who launched an old Bolton style long-ball forward for Kevin Davies to flick on, finding Stuart Holden scampering between defenders to nick the ball forward and crash home; less than a full minute after Blackburn had hit the net. Blackburn had little time to respond, and ten-man Bolton walked away triumphant, having beaten their old boss at his own game.

Mancitti followed the Carlos Tevez bombshell with a convincing win against the hopeless Hammers. From one prima donna to the next: Mario Balotelli took centre stage, flicking an early Jo cross wide when it looked easier to score. Yaya Toure showed us why he may be worth most of his obscene wages when he drove through the Hammers midfield and across the defence like a knife through butter, but could only poke a weak effort at Green. He made up for it on the half hour, giving the ball to Barry before belting the return into the roof of the West Ham net. Balotelli then had a header cleared off the line and looked a real threat, before getting a yellow card for a tantrum at a decision that didn’t go his way and being taken off for his own sake. Yaya Toure continued to be heavily involved, getting away with an accidental handball before racing onto a lost cause and charging into the box, beating Tomkins and scuffing a shot onto the post, which hit the hapless Green and went in. Eight minutes later David Silva worked his magic, sending a cunning disguised ball through to Adam Johnson, who expertly rounded Green to score. After this, City let their foot off the gas, allowing James Tomkins to head in via a deflection from a corner, but the game was already well over.

It was nice to see Stoke applying the usual dubious tactics and failing miserably, despite DJ Campbell doing his best to cock everything up. The Blackpool striker contrived to miss an open goal from a yard out, though Danny Collins did affect a great tackle. Ricardo Fuller worked a bit of his unorthodox cocktail of muscle and magic, clipping a wonderful strike against the crossbar. Pulis’ favoured tactic of deploying Robert Huth to jump into the goalkeeper while someone else bundles the ball over the line has mercifully been seen through by referees, and another ‘goal’ was disallowed. Ricardo Fuller’s quick feet nearly created another chance, but he was smothered out by defenders. Just after the second half got underway, Sheffield Wednesday reject Luke Varney fed Charlie Adam, who fed a ball first time towards goal which DJ Campbell got to before Collins to guide in. Gary Taylor-Fletcher nodded a deep cross onto the top of the crossbar, and Stoke responded with Matty Etherington striking the bar with a free-kick. Blackpool then proved they possess more than a gung-ho flair, when they held out from the kinds of titanic goalmouth scrambles Stoke are renowned for, with Kingson’s reflexes keeping out Robert Huth’s header before the loose ball was booted off the line, then later Huth heading down to Delap, whose effort from two yards was brilliantly cleared on the line by Neil Eardley. Another superb away day victory for ‘Ollie’s Tangerine army.

After Mike Ashley decided once again to dispense with loyalty and sack Chris Hughton, who had got a shambolic Newcastle promoted and holding their own in the division on the cheap, the appointment of Alan Pardew was greeted with chiefly derision by the Toon faithful. This is a man whose career has mainly been defined by failure. He had overseen a decline in West Ham fortunes, failed to save Charlton from their plummet down two divisions, and failed to get Southampton out of League One despite the largest budget in the division, though they did have a points deduction to contend with. His two relative successes were the Football League Trophy for Southampton and an FA Cup final defeat to Liverpool with West Ham. To suggest Pardew was a stronger or ‘more experienced’ candidate than Hughton was spurious in the extreme. Pardew has only managed in the Premier League for two seasons, and Hughton has been around the Premier League for decades as a coach at Spurs. What is a more likely explanation is the one about Pardew meeting Derek Llambias in a casino. It’s the ‘old boys act’, and Toon fans have every right to be outraged. The future of their club is mortgaged on the whims of a man who employs his buddies; who wants to make a quick buck when it’s clearly not going to happen; who has no understanding of top-level football.

That said, new pariah Pardew got off to the perfect start, when on 15 minutes, Andy Carroll nodded down a free-kick for Kevin Nolan to opportunistically stab in ahead of the dozy Konchesky. Liverpool were unlucky not equalise when a Raul Meireles effort cannoned off Stephen Taylor and hit Jose Enrique on the goal-line. Shola Ameobi had an effort deflected wide and Kygriakos nodded just wide before the half was over. Not long after half-time the Reds found their way back into the game, when Sol Campbell and Stephen Taylor pressed the panic button and conspired to allow Dirk Kuyt an inch to get a shot away that was deflected in by Taylor. The Toon had Tim Krul to thank for foiling a free Fernando Torres minutes later, while Carroll nodded a Barton cross over when he should have tested Reina. A direct club forward that Carroll flicked on found gangly youngster Nile Ranger beating a clumsy Skrtel but firing agonisingly wide, and Torres went close at the other end. The angry egg Skrtel then did a Sol Campbell and got his legs and head tangled from a long ball; letting a brave Joey Barton nip in and score a second before being flattened by Glen Johnson. This second goal came with just ten minutes left, and knocked the stuffing out of Liverpool. Andy Carroll then put gloss on the result and proved he is not all close-range poaching and headers; picking the ball up from Barton 25 yards out and drilling a crisp left-foot effort into the corner of the net for 3-1.

Wolves finally ground out another stoical win against a typically resolute and unambitious Birmingham. Alex McLeish really needs to let the leash off and instil some creativity into his side before they sleepwalk back to the Championship. Birmingham had Ben Foster to thank again for keeping out Ebanks-Blake, Hunt and Milijas countless times, but he could not keep out Stephen Hunt; gambling at the front post to meet Sylvain Ebanks-Blake’s low cross on the stroke of half-time. David Edwards missed a glorious headed chance in the second period, while Christophe Berra also missed a sitter by taking his eye off the ball and onto the oncoming post, yet still managed to smash himself into it. Birmingham only truly mounted meaningful attacks in the later stages, when Cameron Jerome missed making contact with a dangerous Beausejour cross, while it all looked set up for substitute Kevin Phillips to grab another goal against a side he loves scoring against, with Craig Gardner dinking in for a close-range meat-and-drink header, but somehow the diminutive marksman headed badly wide to leave Mick McCarthy smiling for once.

Gerard Houllier won back some of the Villa faithful when his side did just about enough to see off West Brom at Villa Park. It was all Baggies early on, and a lovely run from Somen Tchoyi saw him hit the crossbar, but on 24 minutes Marc Albrighton won a fifty-fifty and nutmegged a defender, before delivering a tantalising cross that was converted at the back post by the onrushing Stewart Downing. James Morrison missed a glorious chance for the Baggies, and they were made to pay with ten minutes to go; Albrighton once again bending a peach of a cross in which three players missed or got minimal contact on, leaving the ball to hit Heskey in the head and divert in for an incredibly lucky goal. The game seemed to be over, but Paul Scharner set up a grandstand finish by powering a header in from a corner which a Villa defender could not keep out on the line. As Villa fans’ fingernails were eroding, Jerome Thomas had a chance to grab an equaliser at the death, but blew his opportunity, to leave Houllier a slightly more popular figure than last week.

Two teams with excellent owners and good structures met at Goodison, and, true to recent Wigan form, it was a tight affair, with some nice football but no end product. Omanian goalkeeper Ali Al-Habsi once again sparkled for the Latics, keeping out Saha and Coleman brilliantly, while breathing a sigh of relief at seeing a tremendous Tim Cahill header crack the foot of the post and bounce out. Wigan only threatened to a great degree late on, with Hendry Thomas  bounding through but getting his legs tangled under pressure and bungling the chance, while Tim Howard earned his wages, after an incisive Wigan move saw Ronnie Stam free at the back post to drive across goal, but the American spread himself enough to get a firm hand to it and divert it narrowly wide.

Fulham-Sunderland was a pretty drab affair as you might expect. Darren Bent spurned a couple of chances you might expect him to bury, while Sunderland twice had to clear off their goal-line as Fulham looked to break their frustrating draw habit. Clint Dempsey threatened without scoring, while even the introduction of explosive substitute Asamoah Gyan could not lift this game out of the doldrums. Better best forgotten.

Winter of discontent

A less frenetic weekend in the Premiership, but no less interesting. Blackpool’s lack of undersoil heating cost them, and the Gunners fired a broadside at Chelsea as they replaced them at the summit.

Chelsea’s attack proved impotent once again, as Everton took advantage late on to seize a draw at Stamford Bridge. Chelsea’s defence looked more secure with walking wounded John Terry back, and ironically it was him who came closest in attack first, having two stabs at goal, the second a deft chip which clipped the crossbar. Chelsea’s breakthrough actually came from an Everton player, as captain Phil Neville played a stupendously stupid backpass to set Anelka clear, who knocked the ball past Tim Howard and made sure he was clattered for a penalty that Didier Drogba converted just before half-time. The second half saw a Toffees resurgence, led by Leighton Baines, first delivering a great cross to Jack Rodwell, whose diving header struck the inside of Cech’s post and bounced out. Petr Cech’s headwear finally came in handy when Stephen Pienaar played a tantalising through-ball for Tim Cahill to attack; leaving his studs to catch Cech’s forehead, and leading to a lengthy remonstration from John Terry. One can only imagine why it took the former England Captain quite so long to say: ‘watch your studs, he’s had a cracked skull.’

Chelsea had a chance to sew the game up when everyone missed a low Paulo Ferreira cross, and they were made to pay with just five minutes to go, when Leighton Baines stayed on his feet for long enough to weave inside and outside three defenders and clip in a superb cross, which Tim Cahill nodded back close enough to goal for even Jermaine Beckford to score.

Arsenal claimed the apex with a victory over Fulham which ended far more tensely than it should have. Andrei Arshavin, fresh from his successful championing of the Russian World Cup bid, set Samir Nasri through early on, who stabbed past the onrushing Schwarzer but wide of the post. The Russian again set up Nasri on 13 minutes, and the whole stadium witnessed a moment of class, as the Frenchman dragged back once to drop one defender, then again to leave another defender on their backsides, before nearly lifting the roof off the goal net with his finish. The on-fire Frenchman then set off on a cracking run, and his cross led to Dickson Etuhu almost scoring an own goal, before Mark Schwarzer grabbed the ball on the goal-line. Alexandre Song missed a sitter when he volleyed a close-range chance wide from Rosicky’s cross. It seemed like the same old story when Fulham equalised, though it owed everything to Chris Foy’s astonishing disregard for the wellbeing of players. Laurent Koscielny cracked his cheek against the top of Sebastien Squillaci’s head; a blow that would put most grown men down, yet Foy incredibly allowed play to continue, even with the clearly dazed Frenchman hitting the ground again, and Clint Dempsey took full advantage with a cunning through-ball to Diomansy Kamara, who made no mistake with his finish. Kamara then spent the rest of the game mainly being caught offside, while Arshavin continued tormenting the Cottagers; weaving past four defenders and bringing the best out of Schwarzer. Zoltan Gera fired a brilliant overhead kick narrowly wide before Arsenal deservedly scored their second, due again to the twinkle-toed magnificence of Nasri once more; taking a Van Persie pass in a tight penalty box, then dipping and diving like an ice-skater to leave two defenders and Schwarzer down, before swivelling to spoon the loose ball over a desperate defender on the line for a sublime second. Fulham made some late thrusts through Etuhu and Gera, but Arsenal held on to sit pretty atop the Premier League mountain once more.

The Wigan-Stoke game proved far more interesting than many neutrals thought, and an amusing sidenote is Tony Pulis’ rapid development of Wenger Myopic Syndrome; wittering on about Wigan’s two goals being deflections and conveniently forgetting Stoke’s opener was a Robert Huth free-kick that Al-Habsi had comfortably covered until it took a wicked deflection in off Mohamed Diame. Within 15 minutes Wigan were on level terms, when Ben Watson fired in a free-kick to the near post, which Danny Collins moronically put in his own net. Roberto Martinez has turned Wigan into a much more soundly defensive unit with one particular change: the loan signing of Ali Al-Habsi, who must be among the best three goalkeepers in the Premier League since his arrival. The Omanian could do nothing about Stoke’s second goal just two minutes later, after Kenwyne Jones did well to stay on his feet and keep the ball in on the touchline, before advancing to feed Ricardo Fuller just inside the box. The big Trinidadian outmuscled his marker and turned in a low cross which was missed at the near post, but found Matty Etherington striding into yards of space to bury the chance. Manchester United starlet Tom Cleverley was looking inventive in the Latics’ midfield, and it was he who grabbed the Wigan equaliser five minutes before half-time, but not before Hendry Thomas missed a glaring sitter, with Charles N’Zogbia doing brilliantly to fire in a low cross, which Begovic dived at but missed, leaving Thomas behind him with an open net. However, the midfielder clearly was not expecting it and inadvertently played it back where it came from, leaving him wishing the ground would open up. Cleverley got Thomas out of the mire though, when he turned Robert Huth and fired in a strike that deflected in off Rory Delap for 2-2. More clever work from Cleverley set up Mauro Boselli, who drew an inspired double save from Asmir Begovic.

The second half saw a few great chances, but the scoring was over. Jonathan Walters joined Hendry Thomas on the roll of shame, when a Rory Delap hurl was flicked on by Kenwyne Jones, but the former Ipswich striker somehow put his header wide from four yards. Kenwyne Jones then made a chance from nowhere, but Al-Habsi was equal to it, while the always dangerous Charles N’Zogbia cut a swathe through the Stoke backline, only to see Begovic tip his strike onto the post. Pulis was as gutless as ever, leaving flair players Eidur Gudjohnsen and Tuncay on the bench, giving the Turk just 8 minutes of action and none to Gudjohnsen.

A frustrating draw for Spurs at St Andrews, where Heurelho Gomes gave us some amateur dramatics to remind us he is a buffoon. Spurs opened the scoring just shy of twenty minutes, when a Gareth Bale free-kick was punched badly by Foster, hitting Crouch and falling nicely for Sebastien Bassong to sweep in. Some sublime Bale trickery saw him unleash the fury at Foster’s near post, but the Birmingham number one was not to be beaten. Spurs knocked and knocked without being convincing, and the inevitable happened, when in the last ten minutes Roger Johnson dinked a cross to the towering head of Nikola Zigic, who nodded it across for the onrushing Craig Gardner to beat two defenders to and equalise. The result means Spurs still await their first clean sheet since the start of the season.

Mancitti were surprisingly attack-minded at Eastlands, though the 1-0 scoreline has become a familiar sight for the Blue Moon faithful. Bolton were dismal, which these days is something of a shock. Before the Trotters had even woken up they were one down, with Yaya Toure playing an incisive pass past Gary Cahill for Carlos Tevez to smash in past the advancing Jaaskelainen. Waves of City attacks were crashing on the Bolton shores, with Cahill relieved to get away without conceding a spot-kick, after a thunderous David Silva drive had struck his head and arm, while a goal wis disallowed for offside which incensed the City faithful. Carlos Tevez brilliantly set fellow Argentine Pablo Zabaleta through, but the full-back made a dog’s breakfast of the chance. The second half saw the same player denied from close-range by Jaaskelainen’s reflexes, while Tevez robbed a defender, leading to Mario Balotelli casually sidefooting against the foot of the post. Jaaskelainen denied the young Italian again, and David Silva again provided a moment of class, spinning to belt the ball against the crossbar. City’s sole moment of doubt came when Joe Hart; most likely lulled into a false sense of security; fumbled a free-kick, needing Vincent Kompany to bail him out on the line. Left-back Alexsander Kolarov got himself sent off for two rash challenges, but City saw the game out, though the sight of captain Tevez throwing the toys from the pram after being substituted a minute from the end left a bad taste in the mouth.

Yet again, Wolves failed to rouse themselves for a game against one of the Premier League’s also-rans, with Big Sam’s cloggers engineering a comfortable victory. It could all have been so different if Lady Luck had been with Wolves early on. Some nice play from Matt Jarvis released Stephen Ward, whose shot hit the post. After a short scramble the ball then found Pascal Zubar, whose audacious effort from the opposite side then unbelievably hit the crossbar and post and still stayed out. Blackburn took the lead with an archetypal Sam Allardyce goal; a corner being nodded from past the far post to back into the mix by Ryan Nelsen, where David Dunn got his head to it and guided it over the line before the ball could be hacked away. By the time a route one hoof saw Jason Roberts using his strength to hold off the challenge and lay back for Brett Emerton to crash home, Wolves had surrendered. Another from the Big Sam playbook led to a third, with a Morten Gamst Pedersen free-kick badly defended, leaving Ryan Nelsen to steal in and poach for 3-0. Stephen Hunt masterminded some token Wolves resistance in the second half, but Blackburn nearly added a fourth, before both Pedersen and Mame Biryam Diouf conspired to screw the chance up.

After the hubris of their 4-0 Carling Cup win against Manchester United, the onus was on West Ham to finally put a run together to lift them from the lows of second bottom. True to form, the Hammers then proceeded to return to rock bottom, with yet another agonising defeat. Luis Boa Morte incredibly stayed on the pitch after a two-footed tackle, which Martin Atkinson, a referee who tends to punish players for this offence with a straight red card, decided yellow would be sufficient. An early John Mensah error saw Carlton Cole have a free run towards goal, but the big man dithered until Anton Ferdinand rushed to his central defensive partner’s rescue. Explosive Ghanaian Asamoah Gyan was typically involved in Sunderland’s goal, working some space near the touchline and sending in a peach of a low cross which Jordan Henderson guided into the net without breaking his stride. The Ghanaian then nearly brought the house down with an audacious casual chip which thudded against the top of the crossbar. Carling Cup scorers Spector and Cole came close before the break, while a thunderous Gyan strike was well saved by Green. The second half saw some good work from Carlton Cole result in Spector missing his cross, but Obinna hitting the outside of the post. Sunderland almost wrapped up the game late on after Steed Malbranque cleverly found Gyan, who advanced and dinked through to Kieran Richardson, whose challenge saw the ball squirm from Rob Green’s grasp, though James Tomkins was on hand to brilliantly deny Wellbeck, who had an otherwise empty net beckoning.

Newcastle didn’t show up for a thoroughly comprehensive West Brom victory. Despite naming an unchanged side from the one that held the champions, the Toon were found out and taken apart by the dynamic Baggies, led by signing of the season Peter Odemwingie. Somen Tchoyi scored the opener after 32 minutes. Some great approach play from Jerome Thomas and Chris Brunt fed the Cameroonian, who stepped inside, fooling three Newcastle defenders, before bending the ball in. Sol Campbell had a bit of a ‘mare on his 500^th Premiership appearance, looking every one of his 36 years. It’s strange to think that Campbell essentially admitted he wasn’t good enough anymore when he left Arsenal, a time when he seemed very humble. Since then he has done a number of baffling things, including quitting Notts County after one game, bemoaning his exclusion from the England squad and suing Portsmouth when they were on the brink of extinction. Yet if David James doesn’t move back to the top division in January, Campbell and Ryan Giggs will be the only players to have appeared in every Premier League season.

The second half saw Newcastle put up some fight, with Scott Carson called upon to keep out a Stephen Taylor header, while Paul Scharner blazed a very presentable chance high, wide and handsome. James Morrison came close on a couple of occasions, and Marek Cech was forced to hack a Gutierrez bundled effort off the line, but the game was essentially over on 71 minutes, when Peter Odemwingie scored a magnificent solo goal; picking up the ball after a fatal Guthrie slip in central midfield, and running at the Newcastle central defence. Despite looking like he should have passed, Odemwingie kept his balance, held off two challenges and fired through Stephen Taylor for a brilliant second goal. The Nigerian later picked up a long ball and rounded the goalkeeper before making the game safe for the Baggies. Newcastle got a token consolation in stoppage time, with a Routledge cross finding Carroll, whose snapshot was saved, only for Peter Lovenkrands to bundle the rebound in. News on Monday confirmed Chris Hughton had been sacked, a decision which says everything about the ridiculous man in charge of this club. Mike Ashley, who had redeemed himself partially with the St James’ Park faithful; after appointing Dennis Wise, driving Kevin Keegan out, appointing Joe Kinnear, getting the club relegated and renaming the stadium, has finally, surely, shown his true colours. Hughton, who I had been a vocal doubter of when he was appointed, has done more than any manager could have expected to do in his time at St James’, and had ran into difficult results without key players that still left the club as high as 11^th, yet Ashley deemed his time over. A cynic would suggest this is a ploy either to reinstate his toxic buddies Wise or Kinnear, or appoint who he deems a ‘high-profile’ manager in order to make the club more sellable. Money is the only thing the man is motivated by, and I urge anyone who supports Chris Hughton to avoid ever shopping at Sports Direct.

Another Anfield game against a team in Claret and Blue, another embarrassingly easy victory. Gerard Houllier was clearly more interested in his reception than his own team, as a fairly strong Villa line-up was destroyed by Liverpool’s back-ups. Missing key men Jamie Carragher, Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres, David N’Gog bundled in from a corner to open the scoring on 13 minutes. 3 minutes later perennial let-down Ryan Babel cracked Lucas’ lofted ball across Friedel for 2-0. With Villa toothless, Liverpool finished them with a swift counter-attack on 55 minutes, started and finished by Maxi Rodriguez. Villa fans were rightfully not impressed at being humiliated by Liverpool’s reserves.

Until next time, my frozen friends.

Chills and thrills

A record-breaking weekend in the wild and wacky world of the Premier League, where for the first time every team scored, and more goals were scored than ever before on a single weekend, with an average of over 4 goals a game. Strangely enough, the bottom team finally won, but so did the team directly above them, thus preventing any movement. Chelsea continued their patchy form, and Manchester United finally played well; exquisitely well, in hitting Blackburn for seven, eliminating Chelsea’s goal difference advantage in one fell swoop and usurping top spot.

Nowhere else to start but Old Trafford, where Wayne Rooney finally started; paired with off-the-boil Dimitar Berbatov, who hadn’t scored a league goal since the Liverpool hat-trick. Fergie had said before the game that it was his own fault for switching Berbatov’s strike partners around too much. The Bulgarian seems to share a natural affinity with Rooney, and nowhere has he displayed it better than against Blackburn. Big Sam was quick out with the excuses, but Rovers were missing seven players through injury, an ironic number as it would turn out. From Blackburn’s kick-off, United won the ball. Twenty passes, a few tackles and just over a minute later, Nani had swung the ball in for Rooney to flick on and Berbatov to stab in from close range. Anderson and Carrick looked reborn in the midfield engine room, and all of United’s players were passing quickly, assuredly, and purposefully. A beautiful move just before the half-hour culminated in Rooney exchanging passes with the advancing Park Ji-Sung, who burst onto the return to dink over Paul Robinson. A magnificently braindead backpass from Chimbonda set Berbatov clear in yards of space, and the Bulgarian made the most of his endless time to drill past Robinson for 3-0 before half-time. Berbatov was feeling robbed just before the break, when he weaved in between three defenders, only to be felled under the dubious challenge of Michel Salgado, but just after half-time the Bulgarian scored a goal of breathtaking determination and quality. A big criticism of his game is his perceived lack of tracking back, but the Bulgarian picked the ball up on the edge of his own box, before a lovely exchange on the flank with Patrice Evra. When Berbatov received the ball back in the middle of midfield, he spread the ball wide to Nani, who bore down on the Rovers defence before squaring for the emerging Berbatov, who finished the move he started consummately. A minute later Nani ended up in a similar position, but this time cut inside the flimsy Chimbonda before whipping the ball into the corner of Robinson’s net. Nani again broke through, and made for the byline, only deciding to square to the unmarked Rooney when it was too late; Robinson blocking his effort. Wave after wave of red shirts were crashing against the shores of Rovers’ defence, and it was 6-0 when Berbatov cashed in from a Samba attempted tackle that went wrong. The final United goal came in the 69^th minute, when Anderson penetrated into the heart of Blackburn’s defence, before finding Berbatov, who attempted a cross that was blocked but came straight back to him, before sliding the ball in from a tight angle. The final twenty minutes saw United slacken off somewhat, and Blackburn got a consolation when Christopher Samba sent a looping header against the top of the crossbar, before dispatching a header from a carbon-copy position in the same passage of play. Berbatov could have had six to himself, but Robinson pulled off a great reflex save in the dying stages from the Bulgarian’s close-range header.

After this statement of intent, Chelsea were under pressure. Still without Lampard, Terry, Essien and Wilkins, they kicked off with Malouda, Kalou, Drogba and Anelka all playing in an ambitious line-up. Newcastle, much better away than at home, were missing midfield enforcers Joey Barton and Kevin Nolan, and handed a slim-line Sol Campbell his Newcastle full debut at centre-back. The Toon began brightly, with a Danny Guthrie free-kick flicked towards goal by a Chelsea head, parried by an alert Petr Cech, and volleyed wide by Shola Ameobi. Chelsea had not shaken off their malaise on six minutes when the perennially unreliable Jon Obi-Mikel gave the ball away not once but twice, leading to Alex blundering massively by poking the ball away from the advancing Cech, leaving the alert Andy Carroll to scamper around the goalkeeper and help the ball over the line. Most of the rest of the half saw Chelsea struggle to overturn the arrears, with Drogba hitting the side netting, Cashley Cole hitting the deck, and Jose Enrique clearing off the line from an Alex header. Chelsea finally blew down the door on half-time, when a lovely Malouda flick found Kalou, who cantered through, cut outside Campbell and fired in a shot that was heavily deflected on its way in. The second half saw Cashley make a spectacular goal-line clearance from a Routledge blockbuster, after Cech had not covered himself in glory, while Drogba felt aggrieved to have his fine turn and finish in off the post denied for a handball. Chelsea’s major problem at the moment was best encapsulated in a typical Salomon Kalou moment, when the Ivorian managed to bundle through numerous challenges and somehow past the goalkeeper, only to stab wide of an open net from three yards by shooting with his wrong foot.

Arsenal made up ground on Chelsea with a hard-fought and goal-laden victory at Villa Park; a happy hunting ground for the Gunners since the late 90s. Arsenal made the early running, and Collins had to help out Friedel to clear a Chamakh shot off the goal line. Tomas Rosicky and Ashley Young were both guilty of wasteful finishing before the Gunners took the lead on 38 minutes, when two Villa players both missed a long ball, and Arshavin galloped into acres of space, before cutting outside Dunne and firing in at the far post through Collins’ legs. The goal-scorer then set up Samir Nasri, who rounded Friedel before bizarrely missing the gaping net. Friedel then pulled off a stunning reflex stop from a Chamakh header, but Frenchman Nasri made amends for his howler by making it 2-0 on the stroke of half-time; volleying a deep corner into the net with the aid of a nick off Luke Young. Ex-Gunners stalwart Robert Pires didn’t make the second half, but Villa made a game of it soon after the break, when youngster Ciaran Clark took a poor clearance on the edge of Arsenal’s ‘18’ down on his chest and thumped a shot into the roof of the net, though replays show an offside John Carew standing directly in Lukasz Fabianski’s eyeline the whole time. Within four minutes, hopes of a Villa comeback were extinguished, when a crafty through-ball from Tomas Rosicky saw Marouane Chamakh beat carthorse Richard Dunne for pace and stab past the advancing Friedel. To Villa’s credit, they were not beaten, and Ciaran Clark was gutted to hit the side netting when the net should have been bulging, though he scored again on 70 minutes, rising perfectly to guide a lofted ball over Clichy and in via the underside of the crossbar. The last twenty minutes saw Villa press for an unlikely equaliser, but their naivety cost them when Arsenal pounced, launching a quick counter-attack where Chamakh laid back to Denilson, whose shot was only deflected back to Chamakh, who lobbed the ball deftly to the back post, where Jack Wilshere was waiting with a diving header to kill the game once and for all.

Wolverhampton Wanderers finally gave their fans something substantial to cheer about, by mounting a late comeback to see off a Sunderland team shorn of their first choice centre-backs, even if one of those was Titus Bramble. Kevin Doyle did what he does best when he missed an absolute sitter, but Wolves thought they had taken the lead through Richard Stearman, only to have his close-range effort denied by the linesman. Kieran Richardson struck the inside of the post with a ferocious free-kick, and the half closed goalless. The second half more than made up for the lack of goals, with Wolves taking the lead within five minutes, through Kevin Foley, who followed in Jarvis’ effort; drilling home with his left foot. Muscular full-back George Elokobi blocked a Darren Bent volley on the line to preserve Wolves’ advantage, but in the 66^th minute, Asamoah Gyan won a header to set Darren Bent clear of the sluggish Stearman, and as he bore down on goal, Bent finish supremely across Hennessey. Wolves had not really recovered by the time Sunderland mounted a slick passing move, culminating in Phil Bardsley thumping in a tantalising cross, met with a magnificent header from man-of-the-moment Danny Wellbeck; guiding it superbly into the bottom corner. Mackems fans went crazy, but five minutes later Wolves hit back following a goalmouth scramble. After earlier having a goal disallowed for offside, Richard Stearman  received a ball in an even more offside position, yet play was allowed to continue, and when Craig Gordon kept out a Sylvain Ebanks-Blake header, Stephen Hunt bundled the loose ball home from two yards for the equaliser. With Sunderland now the team on the back foot, Wolves seized the initiative, though had Lee Cattermole’s power drive not been tipped over it would all have been academic. As it was, Kevin Doyle made a nuisance of himself, and found Ebanks-Blake in space, with the Wolves striker drilling the chance home for a glorious late winner to finally put a smile on Mick McCarthy’s dour countenance.

With Wolves winning, it was imperative for West Ham to also win, or risk being cut adrift. A fixture against Wigan was perhaps the most obvious opportunity for points, and the Hammers finally gleaned a victory, despite their profligate strikers. In the 34^th minute some appallingly static defending allowed Frederic ‘Coolio’ Piquionne to flick a header into the box, and where blue shirts dithered, Valon Behrami dared…to steal in and score. Junior Stanislas then sent in a pounding drive that Omanian stopper Ali Al-Habsi kept out with a great save. Al-Habsi then surpassed this with an incredible display of goalkeeping to rival Ben Foster’s save from Drogba last week. A dangerous cross found Frederic Piquionne launching himself over defenders in his effort to score. He connected powerfully from only 8 or so yards, yet Al-Habsi’s reflexes were stunning, managing to fling a strong hand out and push the ball clear of goal with just a split second to react. Once again, the man from the Middle East proved why he keeps Chris Kirkland on the bench every week. Coolio then proved why most West Ham fans think he’s a liability, adding to his personal collection of howlers by dragging an absolute sitter wide when completely free in the middle of the box. On 56 minutes he made slight amends by advancing into the box, before knocking the ball back to strike-partner Obinna, who advanced and smashed across Al-Habsi and in. Wigan had an opportunity to get back into the game with a vengeance when Danny Gabbidon scythed down Tom Cleverley, but Mario Boselli’s penalty was so pitiful Robert Green almost dived past it as it hit his knees and bounced out. Some more Wigan defending that was the opposite of forceful led to Obinna getting to the touchline and crossing low for Scott Parker to beat another lame challenge to net and sew up the game. Charles N’Zogbia raged against the dying of the light when his weaving dribble and layback set up Tom Cleverley to cleverly find the net, and it may have proved more than a consolation when Steve Gohouri scored a wrongly disallowed goal, as it was a team-mate and not him standing offside when the ball was played.

Everton got a nasty surprise, as the boing-boing Baggies boinged back from their dismal slide in style, thrashing the Toffees 4-1 on their home turf, but only after some jaw-dropping refereeing had served to their advantage. The quiet of the opening minutes was shattered when Paul Scharner ghosted in to head a corner into the net, with Everton seemingly in shock at the sheer impertinence of it. Ten minutes later, and it got worse for the home side, when Chris Brunt scored a free-kick superior even to Leighton Baines’ a few weeks back; stepping up to launch a left-foot effort bending snugly into the ‘postage stamp’, with Tim Howard getting across but unable to reach it even at full stretch. West Brom were the only team who had not conceded a header, and the one man you would expect to shatter that record was heading specialist Tim Cahill, and the Samoan-Aussie duly obliged on 41 minutes, rising to nod a Baines corner back where it came for 2-1. Jermaine Beckford came on ten minutes into the second period, and had one of those games. He opened his action by having a shot partially saved, then cleared off the line by Tamas. Minutes later, and all Hell broke loose; orchestrated by Chilean Gonzalo Jara, who has previous.

You may remember Jara from his outrageous two-footed lunge at Blackpool. Well, he was up to his old tricks again when he looked to have viciously smashed what looked like an elbow in Leighton Baines’ face on the edge of his own box, pole-axing the left-back, who normally goes down under much softer contact. The Chilean hot-head then scampered away with the ball; a wound-up Steven Pienaar in hot pursuit. Pienaar then almost got a red card after clearly attempting to kick Jara up in the air, but the bulky Chilean saw him coming and barged the angry little South African away, only to run into an equally feisty Mikel Arteta, who shielded the ball, but took exception to the Chilean once again launching in with two feet; responding by stamping on his assailant, who avoided serious contact but nevertheless milked it for all it was worth. Lee Mason then staggered Everton by ignoring all incidents other than Arteta’s tame retribution. Apparently aggressors are fine by Mason, it’s the retaliators who deserve a punishment. Jara got something of a comeuppance later, when Tim Cahill surreptitiously raked his studs down the Chilean’s achilles when Mason was presumably looking for some time-wasters. Aside from this incident, the rest of the game was memorable for Jermaine Beckford producing a stunning catalogue of sitter misses, first a close-range volley that hit Row Z. Somen Tchoyi then made him pay by receiving a crossfield pass adeptly, cutting outside and finding the top corner to put the game out of Everton’s reach. Beckford then looked a bit of a prat when he was free about 8 yards out, but decided to attempt a ludicrous twisting scissor-kick, which flew wide. Youssouf Mulumbu played a neat one-two and finished off Distin’s chest for the fourth West Brom goal in the 86^th minute, but he will have regretted charging into the crowd, because that booking left him sent off for a second yellow moments later, when he up-ended Steven Pienaar.

Another thriller involving Blackpool, who will be devastated to only come away with a point after taking a two-goal lead, though that, like West Ham with Piquionne and Everton with Beckford, was more down to the appalling finishing of DJ Campbell than any collapse. He missed at least 3 glaring opportunities to seal the game, and Marlon Harewood can’t return soon enough. Ian Evatt had glanced an Eliot Grandin corner into the net for the opener, and it was added to in the second half from the same source, with Sheffield Wednesday reject Luke Varney doing the damage the second time. There then followed a series of mostly DJ Campbell misses, before Martin Petrov came on just on the hour. Fifteen minutes later, a ball rolled into him by Kevin Davies was flicked up and volleyed almost in the same movement, crashing into the top corner with Kingson motionless. Blackpool were then put under siege for the last 15 minutes, with Bolton creating some intricate moves. Martin Petrov saw a thunderous effort cleared off the line before Mark and Kevin Davies combined and worked the ball to Elmander in the box, who nonchalantly found Ivan Klasnic under pressure, who spun and laid a cute ball off to Mark Davies again, who finished for the icing on the cake of a delicious move. These two teams continue to be amongst the Premier League’s most entertaining.

Two of the Premier League’s most boring teams met at the Britannia, where Roberto Mancini lined up against Tony Pulis, not really comprehending how Pulis was actually integral to Mancini being in this role. For, you see, Mancini would not have been in the role had City not been the world’s richest club. And they would not have been the world’s richest club if Sheikh Mansour had not seen them in the Premier League. And of course, they would perhaps not have been in the Premier League now had they not been promoted back to the old first division in that play-off comeback win in the same season neighbours United were winning the Treble. That second division play-off final was against Gillingham, a side then managed by, you guessed it: Tony Pulis. Gillingham had gone two goals up and were in control, when Pulis decided to take off their biggest threat; a man who had tormented City, scored one goal, and could have provided a counter-attacking focal point in the final minutes or extra time; Carl Asaba. By withdrawing him and putting on a defender, Pulis gambled and cocked up badly. City staged a late comeback and Gillingham had no figurehead in attack; eventually losing on penalties when Asaba could have made the difference, if only Pulis had the courage to keep him on.

Aside from that little historical footnote, Pulis played his usual tactic of lumping it up to the big men and hurling it into the box. Rory Delap’s shoulders will have to be replaced with titanium ones by the time he retires. Movember seemed to have been acknowledged by a number of Stoke’s team too, which was nice. James Milner was forced to clear a Kenwyne Jones touch off the line, and for the most part City looked like they didn’t fancy a bit of rough ‘n’ tumble on a freezing cold day in the Potteries. That was, until the 81^st minute, when Milner slid a short pass to Micah Richards, with his back to goal and a defender breathing down his neck. Suddenly, the whole stadium erupted, as Richards let the ball roll through his legs, dropped his shoulder, turned and lashed the ball in for what everyone thought was a fabulous winner. When Robert Huth missed a glorious chance in the dying minutes they thought it was all over, but they reckoned without Stoke’s secret weapon: flair, in the form of Tuncay, whose sublime backheel bamboozled three Mancitti defenders and let in Matty Etherington to score a last-gasp equaliser.

Tottenham completed their perfect week with a late comeback victory against Liverpool, who lost Jamie Carragher for a few weeks with a dislocated shoulder. The game proved a curious game of pairs: Fernando Torres galloped through, only to be superbly tackled by Sebastien Bassong in the first and second half, Jose Reina spilled one chance that was blocked on the line by Carragher, then repeated the trick in the second half, with Meireles coming to his rescue. And of course the most obvious pair was the Evil Egg himself; Martin Skrtel, who scored an incredibly lucky goal, before sliding a low cross into his own net in the second half. It was as if a mirror had been held up to each half with the way patterns repeated. Maxi screwed up two glorious chances, and was joined on the roll of shame by David N’Gog, who should be deducted wages for the most appalling miss, followed by giving away a penalty for handling a Bale free-kick, which Jermain Defoe proceeded to drag wide. Defoe was then denied a goal by the linesman’s flag, while Heurelho Gomes vitally punched a cross floating straight into the head of Torres. In the last minute, Spurs were in delirium, as Crouch flicked a high ball on, and Lennon beat a dozy Konchesky to the punch, robbing and outpacing him before finishing coolly. The same player burst through just afterwards, but his glorious run was let down by a finish that went just wide. Titanic comeback at the Emirates; Champion’s League progress; comeback win against Liverpool: a dream week to be a Spurs fan.

Fulham dug deep despite their injury problems, to grab a much-needed point against Birmingham. An early corner was bundled off the line by Brum, but when Alexander Hleb sparked into life and beat two men, he cut inside to find Sebastian Larsson free inside the box, and the Dane drove the ball in across Schwarzer. Fulham got back on level terms early in the second half, with a cross nodded back across to Dempsey, whose bravery flinging himself in paid off when he got his head to the ball and guided it across the line. Scott Dann struck the crossbar with a great header, and at the other end Eddie Johnson broke clear but was smothered by Ben Foster. The result keeps Fulham precariously above the relegation zone, with 15 points from 15 games.

Until next time my ravenous goal perverts…

Tough at the top

A weekend of shocks as the already-compressed Premier League table became even more so. To say Birmingham rode their luck is putting it mildly, while it will take a miracle, or three world class players in January, to save West Ham from relegation now.

Possibly the most ludicrous North London derby in Premier League history saw an unfathomable second half comeback from Spurs, clinching a 3-2 victory against all the odds away to their neighbours for the first time since 1993. Unlike the 4-4 draw a couple of seasons back, this wasn’t built on furious attacking football, but just an incredible collapse from Arsenal. A curious footnote was the fact that 6 of the 8 defenders in the starting line-ups were French, including all of Arsenal’s. One Frenchman who was treated to a hostile return by fans and Samir Nasri was William Gallas, who then proceeded to have a man-of-the-match day. The Gunners started as dominant as you would expect, and by the eighth minute they were ahead, after a majestic 40 yard through-ball from Cesc Fabregas was seized upon by Samir Nasri, only for Heurelho Gomes to fly out and present the opposite of an immovable object, allowing Nasri to plough through his pitiful challenge, then squeeze the ball in from an excruciating angle, despite the dithering Benoit Assou-Ekotto giving chase and being able to clear if he had swung at the ball first time instead of allowing it to bounce apologetically over the line. Spurs were architects of their own downfall for Arsenal’s second, when Alan Hutton injured himself helping to launch an attack, and before he could pick himself up, Roman Pavlyuchenko went to great lengths to hook the ball back in play as it was drifting out for a goal kick, only to allow Arsenal to launch a lightning counter-attack, where the ball was eventually fed wide to Andrei Arshavin, with Hutton limping pathetically in an attempt to block the Russian’s cross, which found Marouane Chamakh’s lunge in the centre, stabbing the ball in from close range.

The first half had been comprehensive, and there was nothing to suggest more wouldn’t follow in the second, but Arsenal were curiously docile, and Spurs halved the deficit quickly. Harry Redknapp had brought on livewire Jermain Defoe, which changed the focal point of Spurs’ attacks. Somehow, the little Englishman beat defender Sebastien Squillaci in the air, and when Rafael Van Der Vaart got the ball under control and slid in Gareth Bale under pressure in the box, the Welshman finished superbly across Fabianski with the outside of his boot. Luka Modric sent a rising drive just over, and it was clear the impetus of the game had swung in the Lilywhites’ favour. Tottenham won a free-kick just outside the box on 67 minutes, and Fabregas decided to lift his, and team-mate Marouane Chamakh’s arms to provide an obstacle, which Rafael Van Der Vaart found. Seconds later, the Dutchman found the corner of the net with his penalty for an unlikely equaliser. This seemed to rouse the dozing Gunners, and they carved out numerous chances in an attempt to claim back their victory. Fabregas nodded a flicked free-kick across for Squillaci to nod into an empty net, but both men were clearly offside. Fabregas then fired a volley over, and ended a weaving run with a curling effort, which Gomes tipped the wrong side of the post. Laurent Koscielny then added to his growing collection of close-range sitter misses, when a Van Persie cross found him completely free, six yards out, but the defender somehow contrived to head over. The French wastrel then compounded his error by wiping out Gareth Bale for a free-kick which Van Der Vaart bent in dangerously, with Younes Kaboul rising above Koscielny and Squillaci to flick into the bottom corner for an incredible winner. Despite sending on Van Persie , Walcott and Rosicky, Wenger was left to throw the water bottle out of the pram, as his side threw away a chance to go top of the table, though with Arsenal dominating possession, and Spurs scoring with their only three shots on target, he was entitled to question just how that turnaround came about.

Birmingham supplied the second big shock of the day, and again it was built from far less possession and chances than their imperious visitors, who once again could not find a route to goal without Lampard and Essien, while Birmingham’s goal seemed like the kind that John Terry may have been more alert to. Amazingly, another Birmingham victory was built on the fact that master of caution McLeish once again played two up front. It’s a strange coincidence that most of their wins come from this ambition, and most draws and defeats come from flooding the midfield. Clearly the midfield was not flooded enough to keep much possession, but in any league you are rewarded for goals, not touching the ball. Ben Foster produced the kind of outrageous display that makes you wonder why he couldn’t provide it for Manchester United or England, but there wasn’t much sign of what was to come early on, when Didier Drogba brilliantly chested the ball to put Kalou in, prompting Foster to race out and get nutmegged by the Ivorian, whose shot bounced the wrong side of the post for Chelsea. Salomon Kalou then returned the favour, putting Drogba clean through, but Foster raced out decisively and forced Drogba to strike early, saving his effort. Birmingham then shocked even their own fans by scoring with their first notable attack. A long cross from Sebastian Larsson drew both centre-backs to the ball, only for Cameron Jerome to win it and knock the ball down into the centre, where the scandalously untracked Lee Bowyer galloped through to finish past a bewildered Cech. It’s no exaggeration to say that Ben Foster then had a ‘Gordon Banks moment’, when a cross was met from no more than eight yards by Drogba, powering his header down, only to see Foster’s incredible reflexes get him down to the bottom corner in a flash and turn it away one-handed. Even the woodwork seemed to be on Birmingham’s side when another excellent Drogba header crashed off the crossbar. More Foster excellence followed, keeping out a sneaky Drogba free-kick, a superb Ivanovic header late on, and getting Liam Ridgewell out of the mess he created with a moronic backpass, by tackling Kalou with his feet, then palming the ball out from the loose ball as Kalou looked set to regain control. Birmingham clung on for a famous win, despite Chelsea having nearly 25 shots to their 2.

With both potential table-toppers losing, Manchester United had a chance to seize the title initiative at home to a newly-defensively-sound Wigan team. The Latics could have profited early on when Nemanja Vidic made a right mess of clearing, but Jordi Gomes blazed over. At the other end, Nani stung Ali Al-Habsi’s fingertips, and Gabriel Obertan was scythed down by Wigan captain Antonin Alcaraz, to earn the defender an obvious booking he would later regret. Wigan’s man-of-the-moment Charles N’Zogbia nearly made another headline for himself when he slalomed through 4 United shirts, only to be foiled by Edwin Van Der Sar. The first half proved pretty even, but on the stroke of half-time the home fans were in raptures, when Park Ji-Sung delivered banquet of a cross to the back post, and Patrice Evra was the first to gorge, cashing in on Al-Habsi’s hesitancy, perhaps believing mistakenly his defenders would actually do their jobs, rather than leave the Frenchman free as a bird to swoop in and nod across the Omanian goalkeeper and into the net.

Wigan, who had held their own, then pressed the self-destruct button in the second half, with captain Alcaraz lunging in needlessly to take down Darren Fletcher for a second yellow card, before his replacement as captain; Hugo Rodallega, leapt into a two-footed assault on Rafael Da Silva to leave Wigan with nine men. Roberto Martinez criticised the referee, and Nemanja Vidic did get away with a clear tug on Charles N’Zogbia right on the edge of the box, but aside from this Wigan only had themselves to blame for losing their heads. Javier Hernandez made the game safe with another unorthodox manipulation to dive and head Rafael’s cross in from six yards, though this time the lack of Wigan marking could be explained by their dearth of numbers. The prodigal son; Wayne Rooney entered the fold to a mixed reception on 56 minutes, and he had a good header saved, while missing a close-range chance that fell to him quickly. Though his first touch was not assured, he looked a lot more applied than before his little injury, infidelity and greed issues. United fans will hope the best is yet to come. Still United pressed, and Evra missed a glorious chance in the dying minutes, but 2-0 against nine men is against not convincing at all, despite United’s still-unbeaten opening to the season, though the result moves them level on points with Chelsea.

Bolton Wanderers continue to impress, especially at the Reebok, where they destroyed away day warriors Newcastle United with an inspired display from the formerly-maligned Johan Elmander. Former Trotter Kevin Nolan returned to his old home for the first time, and began like a man on a mission, harrying and robbing Paul Robinson trying to usher the ball out on the touchline, only to blunder with his finish. His eagerness counted against him minutes later, when the ball skipped up off his thigh and he instinctively nudged the ball away with his elbow, for a blatant penalty that Kevin Davies calmly stroked home. Newcastle’s response came in the form of a low Jose Enrique cross missed by everyone, while a more debatable response came in the form of persistent rough treatment dished out to Johan Elmander, particularly a headbutt from Mike Willamson, though this was all in vain when they couldn’t get clearances right. One particularly bad one fell to Chung-Yong Lee, who made them pay with a second Bolton goal. The second half saw Newcastle continue their braindead tactic of simply targeting Elmander, while leaving Kevin Davies free to dominate them, and when the big man received a ball inside from Lee, he slipped a perfect ball between defenders to their nemesis Elmander, who collected and rounded Krul before netting.

Newcastle finally made an impression in the right way through a Bolton error, with midfield dynamo Stuart Holden’s tackle on Ameobi inadvertently rebounding to Andy Carroll, galloping through to beat Jaaskelainen expertly. Gary Cahill of all people then came close for Bolton before a teasing Gutierrez cross was missed by both Nolan and Carroll in the centre. A long ball upfield was dithered upon by Fabricio Colocinni, perhaps caught in two minds about whether to kick the ball or Elmander. In the end he did neither, as the Swede rounded and then outmuscled him, before finishing superbly past the onrushing Krul. When the same situation presented itself on the opposite flank, the Argentine remembered his instructions and smashed his arm into Elmander’s face, pole-axing the Swede and receiving a few extra minutes to wash his lustrous mane. At the other end, the main resistance came from a man who mainly throws his fists off the pitch; Andy Carroll, whose snapshot crashed off the bar, with no Toon attacker following in effectively. In stoppage time, Bolton rubbed salt into Newcastle’s festering wounds, when another neat move saw Moreno feed Davies inside the box, where Jose Enrique barged in from behind, giving away a second penalty, which in the absence of the substituted Elmander, who surely would loved to have bagged a hat-trick in light of his constant harassment, Davies tucked away superbly well.

Mancitti took the opportunity to oust Bolton from, and barge back into, the VIP lounge of the Premiership by demolishing a pitiful Fulham at Craven Cottage. Former City boss Mark Hughes must have found it galling that his normally composed and efficient team chose the return of his old side to turn in their worst performance of the season. Surely the watchword from the start would have been a pressing game to unsettle City’s big-hitters, but instead Fulham stood yards off of every player, allowing the likes of Tevez and Silva to run riot at their leisure. Within 6 minutes, Gareth Barry found Tevez, loitering on the edge of the ‘18’, with an unexceptional pass, but Carlos Salcido saw fit to make a ridiculous attempt to intercept through the bullish Argentinian, collapsing to leave Tevez spinning and finding the corner of Schwarzer’s net. The Australian goalkeeper earned his wages with a great low save from Kolorov, but just after the half-hour he was once again picking the ball from his net. Jo fed the ball wide to David Silva, whose cross saw a godawful clearance from Damien Duff turn into a lovely lay-off for Argentinian full-back Pablo Zabaleta to drive the ball in, via Duff’s heels. City then won the ball back from Fulham’s kick-off, and kept it for an unfeasibly long time unbothered, culminating in Carlos Tevez running at a static backline and laying a telegraphed ball wide to Yaya Toure, which nevertheless found Salcido on his heels and Toure finding the opposite corner of the net. Tevez almost added to his tally, but failed in a one-on-one with Schwarzer, before he extended the lead on 56 minutes; with a corner scramble leading to another lousy clearance, this time by ex-City man Dickson Etuhu, and once again finding that man Zabaleta, whose drilled shot was backheeled up and into the net by the poaching Tevez: a goal made in Argentina to no doubt delight Argentine legend/cheat/cokehead/angry man Diego Maradona in the stands. Fulham actually created a meaningful attack when Salcido found substitute Diomansy Kamara, whose low cross to Andy Johnson was met with a superb tackle from Vincent Kompany. City were clearly bored of toying with Fulham, and the Cottagers gave the score a shred of respectability with a consolation in the 69^th minute, with yet another corner scramble finding Zoltan Gera, whose drive was deflected in most likely by Yaya’s brother Kolo.

What can we say about Liverpool’s pasting of West Ham? The Hammers have a stinking record at Anfield, but even accounting for that this performance had relegation written all over it. Roy Hodgson delighted the Anfield faithful by starting with 2 up front, even if one of those was the usually useless David N’Gog. The two strikers combined early on, with the Spaniard Torres firing narrowly wide, while a long-range Meireles effort was tipped over by Rob Green. On 17 minutes the paper-thin resistance was broken, when ex-Hammer Glen Johnson was quick to rattle the loose ball home from a corner. Ten minutes later the score was doubled, when Torres pressurised Danny Gabbidon into a handball, for a penalty which Dirk Kuyt converted straight down the middle, with Rob Green obligingly diving out of the way. Another ten minutes passed, and Liverpool were three up. Jonathan Obinna calamitously lost possession just outside his own box, Maxi Rodriguez fed Torres, whose effort was saved, only for another ex-Hammer; Paul Konchesky, to deliver a quick cross for Rodriguez to glance home from point-blank range. The main highlight of a predictable second half was a spin and thunderous shot from Torres magnificently tipped onto the crossbar by Green, and when the loose ball was crossed to Poulsen, the Hammers stopper found his way to the opposite side of his net to tip the effort wide. Green then tipped a long-range Fabio Aurelio effort over, while the Hammers’ dismal resistance ended with an appalling headed sitter miss from Frederic Piquionne, after Barrera’s cross found him six yards out in the middle of goal.

The two oranges lined up at Bloomfield Road, with the Tangerines of Blackpool; worst home record in the division, taking on the all-golds of Wolverhampton Wanderers; worst away record in the division. An interesting prelude to the match had come with Ian Holloway’s threat to resign in the wake of potential sanctions from the FA over his ten changes to the Blackpool team against Aston Villa, while Mick McCarthy had already been stupidly fined for the same thing. Perhaps the big difference in the two cases was that Mick’s rhetoric was apologetically defeatist, whilst Ian Holloway believed his side could get a result, which they very nearly did. As ‘Ollie said: if the Premier League requires a 25-man squad to be named, then surely all of those players are then registered to be played any time the manager wishes. Unless the Premier League is in the pockets of the tabloid media, which wouldn’t be surprising.

Wolves, who had turned in a string of fine performances for very little reward, were stung yet again by an early goal, with Sheffield Wednesday reject Luke Varney clobbering an audacious effort from the outside corner of the 18-yard box into Hahnemann’s top corner in just the third minute. Minutes later, Ian Evatt bounded forward unchecked and had his looping effort saved. Wolves showed very little attacking prowess, and were undone again just before half-time, when Varney once again made an impact, taking advantage of Hahnemann missing a David Vaughan corner by nodding the ball down, where Marlon Harewood was waiting four yards out to bundle the ball over the line. The second half saw a much better response from Wolves, with Matt Jarvis cutting across the box and unleashing a shot which Richard Kingson tipped onto the post. The Ghanian then pulled off a great reflex save from Ebanks-Blake, while a low cross later left Ebanks-Blake to tap into an open net, before Ian Evatt magnificently slid across his man to intercept off his toes. Prince William finally saw Wolves make inroads in the 86^th minute, when muscular full-back Elokobi looped a cross into a packed penalty box, and Kevin Doyle ended his long drought by guiding a header into the net. DJ Campbell responded by attempting to lob Hahnemann from the halfway line, but as usual his shooting only troubled the ball-boys. With injury time ticking away, Kingson relieved the remaining pressure by taking no chances with a dangerous cross, tipping it over the bar.

West Bromwich Albion’s poor run of form continued, as they were comfortably beaten by a confident Stoke team at the Hawthorns. Albion greatly missed the influence of Chris Brunt, while Tony Pulis might have to stop with the officiating excuses for defeats, after his side received more penalties in this game than the whole of last season. As the only side who hadn’t conceded a header, you felt West Brom were up against it, against the team who love headers more than any other goal form, other than perhaps bundling the ball scrappily in on the goal-line while Robert Huth fouls the goalkeeper. Jermaine Pennant was injured early on, which didn’t bother Stoke in the end, especially as Tuncay; a far better player, came on. Youssouf Mulumbu sent a long-ranger narrowly over for the Baggies, while everyone missed a dangerous Giles Barnes cross. West Brom seemed to have the better of the first half without being clinical, but in the 55^th minute, Kenwyne Jones bought a penalty, after theatrically throwing himself over Scott Carson. Matthew Etherington found the absolute corner with his spot-kick.  West Brom responded with some pressure of their own, but Tchoyi and Cech saw their efforts fail, and their spirit was killed with five minutes left, when Simon Cox barged Dean Whitehead over as he ran onto a Tuncay pass. This time it was the moustachioed Jonathan Walters who converted the penalty, and the same man got Stoke’s third in the last minute, after Kenwyne Jones had managed to backheel between three defenders giving him close attention on the touchline. Walters’ first effort was saved, but he rattled the rebound in for an impressive away victory.

A pretty poor game at Ewood Park, in a fixture which yields an average of four goals a time, but only two this. The new Indian owners of Blackburn were in town, and they saw Morten Gamst Pedersen continue his personal renaissance, as he scored a whipped free-kick that ex-Rover Brad Friedel failed miserably to palm out on the half-time whistle, and touched in a Ryan Nelsen drive after 65 minutes to make the game safe. In between, Stewart Downing and Ashley Young terrorised the Rovers’ backline, but Paul Robinson and the crossbar spared Blackburn. 37 year old Premiership legend Robert Pires made a welcome return for Aston Villa, showing he still has the guile but no longer the legs. El-Hadji Diouf had a couple of excellent opportunities, but saw Richard Dunne make a superb tackle, and somehow nod a simple header over the crossbar, to leave the score at 2-0, as Gerard Houllier ponders how he can make his side more clinical, and not rely solely on pacy counter-attacks, but actually seizing the initiative sometimes.

Sunderland came close to building on their fabulous Stamford Bridge win, but were denied late on by a deflected Arteta equaliser. Everton had taken the lead in the 5^th minute, when Pienaar and Baines combined down the left, with Baines delivering for Cahill to do what he does best: plant a header into the net. Sunderland lined up without the explosive Asamoah Gyan available, so it was the returning Darren Bent alongside Danny Wellbeck, and it was the youngster who this time seized the headlines, first equalising and then putting the Mackems ahead with a looping header. Lee Cattermole and later Michael Turner were forced into last-ditch clearances for Sunderland, and both Wellbeck and Jermaine Beckford missed glaring opportunities at the end of the game, but in the end both managers admitted a draw was a decent result.

Until we meet again, keep it Premier.