We Three Kings

A week which saw the most unjust sacking in Premier League history, and Newcastle owner Mike Arsehole, ummm, Ashley further drag the club’s name through the mud, while Blackburn soon followed suit, also saw a new leader at the Premier League summit.

Manchester United are the new unbeaten leaders of the Premier League, after a hard-fought but deserving win against challengers Arsenal. Arsene Wenger complained about the pitch, but in truth Arsenal offered very little offensively, and went down to a superb piece of improvisation from perennial big-game deliverer Park Ji-Sung, when Nani sent over a deflected cross that the South Korean adjusted to perfectly to glance into the corner of Premier League debutant Wojciech Szczesny’s net via the post. United had two penalty claims for handball; the first from Chamakh denied, the second from Clichy awarded, only for Wayne Rooney to belt it way over the crossbar. Szczesny generally impressed for the Gunners with a confident display, the pick of which was a ‘starfish’ save from Anderson, patented of course by former United great Peter Schmeichel. Arsenal came closest when man-of-the-moment Samir Nasri brought the best out of Edwin Van Der Sar, who had Nemanja Vidic to thank for sliding across to prevent Chamakh from turning the rebound in. Yet another defeat to a fellow title-challenger for the Gunners.

Chelsea still can’t buy a win, though a draw away at Spurs these days is not considered a bad result. Frank Lampard finally made a comeback from the longest spell of injury in his career, pretty much coinciding with the time I put him in my fantasy football team. After just fifteen minutes, Chelsea were once again feeling sorry for themselves, when Jermain Defoe, suspiciously offside, received a long pass and backtracked across the box before feeding a cute ball into the feet of Roman Pavlyuchenko, who took one touch away from John Terry and Jon Obi Mikel and smashed inside Petr Cech’s near post. Salomon Kalou then conspired to miss a host of chances, before Nicolas Anelka netted, only to be denied by a linesman’s flag. Anelka then conspired to give the ball away in a dangerous area, leading to Pavlyuchenko sending Defoe cantering through, only for Cech to read it well and slide it off his toes. Heurelho Gomes’ notorious eccentricity hadn’t shown itself yet, and his plunging save denied Didier Drogba, before he brilliantly tipped over a certain own goal from Wilson Palacios. Unfortunately for Tottenham it couldn’t last, and when Drogba outmuscled Michael Dawson, with more than a hint of handball, the Brazilian goalkeeper made a real hash of dealing with the Ivorian’s bullet drive, leading to an apologetic equaliser. Gomes must have thought all his nightmares were coming true when he was penalised for barging into Ramires in the very last minute to give away a spot-kick from which there would be no recovery, but the Brazilian partially redeemed himself with a point-saving penalty save from Drogba to leave Chelsea with just two wins from the last six games.

In the Lancashire Derby, the Premier League’s new artisans took on the team managed by their most prominent manager of recent times. Big Sam, who hoped to be flush with a transfer kitty to splurge on more cloggers and target men, saw the new-look Bolton be cheeky enough to snatch the points with a couple of goals right out of his own playbook, and later found out his huge ego was not enough to save him from the sack as the new owners decided they would rather watch good football than put up with percentage play week after week. After Zat Knight was rescued from a red card by his fellow defender, and Gael Givet made the most hilarious hash of converting a simple rebound, the first half was over.

The second half contained no little acrimony. After Paul Robinson had made a good save from a deflected Stuart Holden free-kick, Mark Davies stupidly led with his arm in an aerial tussle with Phil Jones, leaving the youngster needing treatment and Davies needing an early bath for a second yellow that could have been a straight red. Jussi Jaaskelainen was shakey on another free-kick, and Kevin Davies of all people brilliantly cleared a towering Christopher Samba header off his own goal-line; leaving most Trotters fans fearing the worst. After all their tidy approach play, Bolton then proceeded to shock Rovers by taking the lead from a set-piece. After Holden dinked a free-kick into a congested box, Ryan Nelsen’s header did not have enough purchase, and substitute Fabrice Muamba, who had started every game before this without scoring, took it down quickly, dragged back to avoid Nelsen’s recovery lunge, and fired inside Robinson’s near post. Bolton managed to hold the lead until late in the game, but just when they were imagining a ten-man victory against the odds, a tackle won in central midfield led to a break, where Jason Roberts flicked the ball through to Mame Biryam Diouf, who, despite heavy pressure from Gary Cahill, dinked superbly over the advancing Jaaskelainen for a cracking equaliser. Pride came before a fall though, and straight from kick-off, the ball was played back to Gary Cahill, who launched an old Bolton style long-ball forward for Kevin Davies to flick on, finding Stuart Holden scampering between defenders to nick the ball forward and crash home; less than a full minute after Blackburn had hit the net. Blackburn had little time to respond, and ten-man Bolton walked away triumphant, having beaten their old boss at his own game.

Mancitti followed the Carlos Tevez bombshell with a convincing win against the hopeless Hammers. From one prima donna to the next: Mario Balotelli took centre stage, flicking an early Jo cross wide when it looked easier to score. Yaya Toure showed us why he may be worth most of his obscene wages when he drove through the Hammers midfield and across the defence like a knife through butter, but could only poke a weak effort at Green. He made up for it on the half hour, giving the ball to Barry before belting the return into the roof of the West Ham net. Balotelli then had a header cleared off the line and looked a real threat, before getting a yellow card for a tantrum at a decision that didn’t go his way and being taken off for his own sake. Yaya Toure continued to be heavily involved, getting away with an accidental handball before racing onto a lost cause and charging into the box, beating Tomkins and scuffing a shot onto the post, which hit the hapless Green and went in. Eight minutes later David Silva worked his magic, sending a cunning disguised ball through to Adam Johnson, who expertly rounded Green to score. After this, City let their foot off the gas, allowing James Tomkins to head in via a deflection from a corner, but the game was already well over.

It was nice to see Stoke applying the usual dubious tactics and failing miserably, despite DJ Campbell doing his best to cock everything up. The Blackpool striker contrived to miss an open goal from a yard out, though Danny Collins did affect a great tackle. Ricardo Fuller worked a bit of his unorthodox cocktail of muscle and magic, clipping a wonderful strike against the crossbar. Pulis’ favoured tactic of deploying Robert Huth to jump into the goalkeeper while someone else bundles the ball over the line has mercifully been seen through by referees, and another ‘goal’ was disallowed. Ricardo Fuller’s quick feet nearly created another chance, but he was smothered out by defenders. Just after the second half got underway, Sheffield Wednesday reject Luke Varney fed Charlie Adam, who fed a ball first time towards goal which DJ Campbell got to before Collins to guide in. Gary Taylor-Fletcher nodded a deep cross onto the top of the crossbar, and Stoke responded with Matty Etherington striking the bar with a free-kick. Blackpool then proved they possess more than a gung-ho flair, when they held out from the kinds of titanic goalmouth scrambles Stoke are renowned for, with Kingson’s reflexes keeping out Robert Huth’s header before the loose ball was booted off the line, then later Huth heading down to Delap, whose effort from two yards was brilliantly cleared on the line by Neil Eardley. Another superb away day victory for ‘Ollie’s Tangerine army.

After Mike Ashley decided once again to dispense with loyalty and sack Chris Hughton, who had got a shambolic Newcastle promoted and holding their own in the division on the cheap, the appointment of Alan Pardew was greeted with chiefly derision by the Toon faithful. This is a man whose career has mainly been defined by failure. He had overseen a decline in West Ham fortunes, failed to save Charlton from their plummet down two divisions, and failed to get Southampton out of League One despite the largest budget in the division, though they did have a points deduction to contend with. His two relative successes were the Football League Trophy for Southampton and an FA Cup final defeat to Liverpool with West Ham. To suggest Pardew was a stronger or ‘more experienced’ candidate than Hughton was spurious in the extreme. Pardew has only managed in the Premier League for two seasons, and Hughton has been around the Premier League for decades as a coach at Spurs. What is a more likely explanation is the one about Pardew meeting Derek Llambias in a casino. It’s the ‘old boys act’, and Toon fans have every right to be outraged. The future of their club is mortgaged on the whims of a man who employs his buddies; who wants to make a quick buck when it’s clearly not going to happen; who has no understanding of top-level football.

That said, new pariah Pardew got off to the perfect start, when on 15 minutes, Andy Carroll nodded down a free-kick for Kevin Nolan to opportunistically stab in ahead of the dozy Konchesky. Liverpool were unlucky not equalise when a Raul Meireles effort cannoned off Stephen Taylor and hit Jose Enrique on the goal-line. Shola Ameobi had an effort deflected wide and Kygriakos nodded just wide before the half was over. Not long after half-time the Reds found their way back into the game, when Sol Campbell and Stephen Taylor pressed the panic button and conspired to allow Dirk Kuyt an inch to get a shot away that was deflected in by Taylor. The Toon had Tim Krul to thank for foiling a free Fernando Torres minutes later, while Carroll nodded a Barton cross over when he should have tested Reina. A direct club forward that Carroll flicked on found gangly youngster Nile Ranger beating a clumsy Skrtel but firing agonisingly wide, and Torres went close at the other end. The angry egg Skrtel then did a Sol Campbell and got his legs and head tangled from a long ball; letting a brave Joey Barton nip in and score a second before being flattened by Glen Johnson. This second goal came with just ten minutes left, and knocked the stuffing out of Liverpool. Andy Carroll then put gloss on the result and proved he is not all close-range poaching and headers; picking the ball up from Barton 25 yards out and drilling a crisp left-foot effort into the corner of the net for 3-1.

Wolves finally ground out another stoical win against a typically resolute and unambitious Birmingham. Alex McLeish really needs to let the leash off and instil some creativity into his side before they sleepwalk back to the Championship. Birmingham had Ben Foster to thank again for keeping out Ebanks-Blake, Hunt and Milijas countless times, but he could not keep out Stephen Hunt; gambling at the front post to meet Sylvain Ebanks-Blake’s low cross on the stroke of half-time. David Edwards missed a glorious headed chance in the second period, while Christophe Berra also missed a sitter by taking his eye off the ball and onto the oncoming post, yet still managed to smash himself into it. Birmingham only truly mounted meaningful attacks in the later stages, when Cameron Jerome missed making contact with a dangerous Beausejour cross, while it all looked set up for substitute Kevin Phillips to grab another goal against a side he loves scoring against, with Craig Gardner dinking in for a close-range meat-and-drink header, but somehow the diminutive marksman headed badly wide to leave Mick McCarthy smiling for once.

Gerard Houllier won back some of the Villa faithful when his side did just about enough to see off West Brom at Villa Park. It was all Baggies early on, and a lovely run from Somen Tchoyi saw him hit the crossbar, but on 24 minutes Marc Albrighton won a fifty-fifty and nutmegged a defender, before delivering a tantalising cross that was converted at the back post by the onrushing Stewart Downing. James Morrison missed a glorious chance for the Baggies, and they were made to pay with ten minutes to go; Albrighton once again bending a peach of a cross in which three players missed or got minimal contact on, leaving the ball to hit Heskey in the head and divert in for an incredibly lucky goal. The game seemed to be over, but Paul Scharner set up a grandstand finish by powering a header in from a corner which a Villa defender could not keep out on the line. As Villa fans’ fingernails were eroding, Jerome Thomas had a chance to grab an equaliser at the death, but blew his opportunity, to leave Houllier a slightly more popular figure than last week.

Two teams with excellent owners and good structures met at Goodison, and, true to recent Wigan form, it was a tight affair, with some nice football but no end product. Omanian goalkeeper Ali Al-Habsi once again sparkled for the Latics, keeping out Saha and Coleman brilliantly, while breathing a sigh of relief at seeing a tremendous Tim Cahill header crack the foot of the post and bounce out. Wigan only threatened to a great degree late on, with Hendry Thomas  bounding through but getting his legs tangled under pressure and bungling the chance, while Tim Howard earned his wages, after an incisive Wigan move saw Ronnie Stam free at the back post to drive across goal, but the American spread himself enough to get a firm hand to it and divert it narrowly wide.

Fulham-Sunderland was a pretty drab affair as you might expect. Darren Bent spurned a couple of chances you might expect him to bury, while Sunderland twice had to clear off their goal-line as Fulham looked to break their frustrating draw habit. Clint Dempsey threatened without scoring, while even the introduction of explosive substitute Asamoah Gyan could not lift this game out of the doldrums. Better best forgotten.