Sparklers and rockets

After some pretty uninspiring weekends, the Premier League set the pulses racing again with a programme stuffed with enough firepower to impress Guy Fawkes himself, except perhaps that the players were far more clinical in their executions. It was a weekend where the woodwork was rattled almost more than the nets were bulged, while the odds you would have got on the only three teams not scoring including Arsenal and Chelsea would have been ludicrous.

Manchester United rediscovered their valuable trait of finding a late winner to knock the stuffing out of Wolves, who had produced another cracking performance against one of the new ‘Big Four’. The hero was the often peripheral South Korean dynamo Park Ji-Sung, while another event of note, on the 24^th anniversary of Sir Alex Ferguson’s reign at Old Trafford, was the long-awaited return of Owen Hargreaves, a man as much missed by England as United. Unfortunately for all concerned, the midfielder’s appearance lasted all of five minutes before he limped off, though the good news is that it seemed to be a muscle strain rather than a recurrence of his troublesome knee issues. It was also intriguing to see Portuguese prospect Bebe coming on for the stricken Canadian-Englishman. He didn’t waste much time in testing the Wolves backline, with Richard Stearman called into action to block a decent effort. Nemanja Vidic must have thanked Lady Luck for taking his wild deflection from Milijas wide of the post, after some slack play from Rio Ferdinand. Matt Jarvis was up to his usual tricks on the left flank, and his devious cross into the ‘corridor of uncertainty’ should have been capitalised on by Stephen Hunt. On the stroke of half time, with Wolves having had the best of it, Darren Fletcher found his head while all around were losing theirs, and threaded a magnificent ball through defenders to find Park Ji-Sung, who had typically found a small pocket of space where there seemed to be none. The South Korean took a flawless first touch, before disguising his shot to slot inside Hahnemann’s near post as the goalkeeper flew out, with the aid of a slight nick from a defender.

Wolves managed to successfully dust themselves down for the second half, and after an early scare when Hahnemann spilled a Bebe effort with noone following in, Matt Jarvis laid a short pass across the box to Nenad Milijas, who scuffed a shot in that fortunately found Manchester United old boy Sylvain Ebanks-Blake. With Vidic making a sluggish attempt at an interception, Ebanks-Blake took one touch to turn the off-balance Serbian, and another to fire through Edwin Van Der Sar’s legs for a great equaliser. Stephen Fletcher then wasted a chance presented to him by another slack piece of play from the normally dominant Vidic, firing well over. United were lacklustre yet again, and Hernandez made an embarrassing attempt to win a penalty, which earned him a booking. When the ball was fed into Park in the middle of Wolves’ penalty box, it looked like a potential late winner, but Karl Henry lunged in with a perfect tackle in the most precarious of areas, which provoked Mick McCarthy into making a bit of a tit of himself in ‘celebration’. Hubris coming before a fall and all that…Park Ji-Sung was fed by Fletcher out on the right wing, where he dribbled purposefully across the box, dummying once before brilliantly scuffing a shot through a block of lunging defenders and tucked neatly inside Hahnemann’s near post, and Mick’s triumphant chest-beating turned into frustrated fist-pounding.

Liverpool continued their resurgence with a fantastic victory against a Chelski side who finally succumbed to defeat without Drogba, Essien and Lampard, though the Ivorian came on in the second half to help batter the Scousers, who held out resolutely, even with recent star man Stelios Kyrgiakos missing through illness. Drogba, intriguingly, was also benched for similar reasons. Dirk Kuyt returned to an ambitious-looking Liverpool line-up, and they started dynamically, being in the ascendancy when Kuyt found a lovely pass just evading Cole and Terry to find Torres on their shoulder; killing the ball with his first touch, holding off Terry and guiding the ball across Cech for a classic goal straight from the Torres playbook. Chelsea responded only with a tame Salomon Kalou header, before John Terry’s poor clearance was kicked up onto the arm of Yuri Zhirkov, fortunate perhaps to escape censure. Liverpool, with young Martin Kelly excelling at right-back, were still looking forward, and just before half-time they killed the game off, when Raul Meireles craftily slid the ball out to the far edge of the penalty area, where Torres picked it up and cut outside his man, before unleashing a venomous shot into the corner of Cech’s net; another Torres classic. The second half was mostly one-way-traffic, heralded by the introduction of that familiar horsey powerhouse Drogba. A superb Cashley cross was headed over by a wasteful Ramires, and Yuri Zhirkov tested Reina at his near post, before Drogba battered his way through and crossed low for Malouda to slide in and find Reina making an unbelievable instinctive save from point-blank range. At the other end, Dirk Kuyt took down an awkward ball, spun and shot, only for Cech’s big leg to come to Chelsea’s rescue. It wasn’t so much a Chelsea ascendancy as an onslaught after this. When Nicolas Anelka carved a path clean through the heart of Liverpool’s defence, his drilled shot seemed to squirm under Reina, but the Spaniard got enough contact to send it bouncing up and against the underside of the crossbar, while own-goal king Jamie Carragher prevented a certain one this time, sliding in to form a barrier against the lurking Drogba. There were more hairy moments for Liverpool when Reina seemed to bizarrely miss a long through-ball, but recovered before any damage could be done, and in the dying embers of the game, Maxi Rodriguez managed to put paid to the old adage about players wanting to score more than win penalties, when he brilliantly beat the last man, rounded Cech and left himself with an empty net, only to decide after he’d passed the goalkeeper’s body to fall dramatically, earning himself a yellow card and hopefully a stern rebuke in the dressing room for preferring to get a player sent off than actually score to sew up the game.

Following their malice in Sunderland, the Geordies turned up at the Emirates, looking to earn more kudos for Chris Hughton, but even the most optimistic Toon fan must have been doubting a win at the Emirates, especially with a clean sheet. When Francesc Fabregas struck the crossbar with an early free-kick, a home win seemed on the cards. Samir Nasri and Fabregas exchanged the ball in two moves, first culminating in Fabregas hitting the side netting, then Nasri meeting a fine save from Tim Krul. The Gunners were firing blanks on Bonfire weekend, and on half-time, Joey Barton continued his reputation for excellent deliveries with a deep free-kick, which Fabianski suicidally stopped to catch, not realising that Andy Carroll had a ten yard run-up to his leap. By the time the hulking Geordie had slammed his header into the net, Fabianski was salvaging fragments of his pride strewn across the Emirates turf.

The second half saw the Gunners seize the initiative. The lithe and nimble Jack Wilshere glided across the pitch like he was wearing glass slippers, before sliding a deft pass between defenders. Theo Walcott stormed through, stole the ball off Chamakh’s toes and crashed a belting effort against the crossbar from close range. Later, an Alexandre Song low cross was superbly intercepted from off of Chamakh’s toes by Danny Simpson. When Fabregas dived to head an Arshavin cross straight into Krul’s hands, Arsenal seemed to have run out of ideas. Their defeat was compounded when the young Newcastle forward who sounds like he should be exploring the mightiest of Egyptian rivers; Nile Ranger, was yanked to the ground as he bore down on the penalty area by a beleaguered Koscielny, earning the 81^st red card of Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal reign. The shock victory leaves Newcastle three points behind Arsenal, in fifth place.

Mancitti eased a bit of the pressure on Roberto Mancini by avoiding a fourth straight defeat against a team managed by one of the Premier League’s other Robertos. The game was characterised by the maverick potential of Mario Balotelli, who won the game for City, before ensuring he wouldn’t get picked next week by managing to get both a booking and a straight red card. First joust to the Baggies as an early chance seized upon by Chris Brunt led to Kolo Toure very nearly scoring an own goal. The Balotelli show began early on, with the temperamental Italian hurling himself to the ground under an innocuous challenge from Marek Cech inside the penalty area, to no avail. With the mercurial Carlos Tevez back, and David Silva looking a class act, City looked consistently threatening. After full-back Pablo Zabaleta had sent a long-range strike whistling over the crossbar, City cut open the Baggies with a beautiful reverse pass from Silva finding Tevez bustling to the byline. The Argentinian then squeezed an inviting low cross across the box, where Super Mario was waiting to slide the ball in past two desperate defenders and Carson. In riposte, Marc-Antoine Fortune narrowly missed making connection with a tempting Chris Brunt cross, but within a few minutes West Brom’s task was doubled. The diminutive playmaker Silva glided across the park before pinging a sumptuous lofted ball perfectly into Balotelli, on the last man’s shoulder. Despite a bizarre first touch, Balotelli’s unorthodox combination of strength and trickery saw him turn Tamas and find the corner of Scott Carson’s net for 2-0.

The second half saw West Brom fly out in search of a foothold in the game, and they were left bemoaning their luck as Simon Cox launched a swerving shot against the inside of the post from distance. Balotelli once again demanded attention when another cringeworthy dive inside the box was reprimanded with a yellow card, much to his fist-pounding bemusement. Within minutes of this transgression, the 20 year-old kicked Nicky Shorey in an attempt to win a bouncing ball, then compounded it by booting the challenging Youssouf Mulumbu to the ground in frustration, leading to a somewhat acrimonious departure from the field of play. The Baggies almost took full advantage of their extra man when Mancitti profited from some outrageous fortune late on, with Jerome Boateng nodding a corner back towards his own goal and forcing Joe Hart into frantic action; with David Silva in the right place to hook the goalbound effort against his own crossbar and away. A comedy of errors at the other end was nearly capitalised on by City, and the Baggies resistance was officially ended when Youssouf Mulumbu got himself a second caution for a reckless lunge; a moment that Balotelli must have secretly smirked at.

After comprehensively beating the champions of Europe in midweek, it was somehow inevitable that Tottenham would come crashing back to Earth with a comprehensive defeat to Bolton, at a ground they have never won at in the Premier League. The first half was dire by anyone’s standards, with Tottenham particularly playing so one-paced it was yawn-inducing. Without Lennon and Van Der Vaart they did not look inspired. The game woke up finally on the half-hour, when a dithering Sandro was robbed of possession just outside his own penalty area by Fabrice Muamba, who found Kevin Davies loitering with intent on the edge of Spurs’ box. After controlling, Davies surprised everyone by swiping his weaker left foot at it, catching Heurelho Gomes by surprise, which was surely the only excuse he could have offered for not tipping the weak effort around his post. Inter Milan nemesis Gareth Bale then made claim on the proceedings, first delivering a delicious cross which the sluggish Crouch failed to convert, before the chimp-a-like struck the outside of the angle with a whipped free-kick.

One hoped that ‘Arry’s inevitable half-time rollicking would inspire a more adept Spurs performance in the second period, but again they seemed lethargic, before Trotters’ full-back Gretar Steinsson got in on the action inside a packed box, receiving a somewhat fortunate pass from Elmander, before taking one touch and swivelling like a seasoned striker to bury the chance across Gomes. Even at 2-0 you felt Spurs could work their way back should they find another gear, and when Alan Hutton sent in a superb cross between the last man and goalkeeper, clumsy Brazilian Sandro again let Spurs down when he bizarrely tried to stab a volley in with his studs and missed, when a diving header would have produced a certain goal. Matt Taylor, who had been woeful with his shooting, amongst other things, coaxed a volley against the post to almost seal the game, before his incisive pass found Chung-Yong Lee in the middle of Spurs’ box, being barged over by the inept Benoit Assou-Ekotto, for a penalty which Davies gleefully converted against the team he loves to score against. 3-0 seemed to be the killer blow as the game seemingly petered out, but in the 79^th minute the Lilywhites were shaken into action by their second most-improved player; Alan Hutton, who drove at the Trotters’ defence, then across, before curling a left foot effort into the corner of Jaaskelainen’s net. This triggered a Spurs resurgence, and the Wanderers were forced to stay put and defend their territory as ‘Arry’s boys laid siege to them. David Bentley came on and sent in an inviting cross that was missed by all, but when a dangerous Gareth Bale free-kick was only nodded up in the air by the Bolton backline, classy Russian Roman Pavlyuchenko caught it flush on the volley to lash in Spurs’ second, and suddenly a grandstand finish was on the cards. Finally, the decisive moments came in injury time. Tottenham poured forward, and sent a through-ball, bizarrely, to an onrushing William Gallas, who failed miserably to outpace Stuart Holden, before the Trotters launched an instant counter-attack, with Gary Cahill clouting a long ball to Kevin Davies, who nodded deftly to Bulgarian speedster Martin Petrov, running clean through the middle before flicking past Gomes one-on-one for the clincher.

At St Andrews, bottom club West Ham scampered into a two goal lead before surrendering two points yet again, though the officials must take some share of the responsibility for a shocking late decision that denied the Hammers a penalty. After the sprinklers had come on during the game, not much else happened in the first half, bar a contender for ‘save of the season’ from Ben Foster. Livewire Victor Obinna worked some space and sent in a decent cross, which Valon Behrami flicked on, finding an onrushing Carlton Cole, who kung-fu kicked the ball towards the corner of the net from point-blank range, only to meet with Foster’s outrageous reflexes in flinging himself full length to tip the effort onto the inside of the post and along the goal-line, before being cleared.

The second half action started early, with Luis Boa Morte taking three men out of the game with a stupendous through ball, leaving Frederic ‘Coolio’ Piquionne to apply the finish it deserved. Ten minutes later, normally reliable Scott Dann sent an awful pass to Scott Parker, who advanced and found Carlton Cole on the box edge, who then laid it across for the arriving Behrami to crash home. When Obinna later danced through only to hit the crossbar, the Hammers fans must have been pinching themselves to see their team so dominant. Only, the Clarets did what they always do; that is conceding when they need most to stay tight. Within 6 minutes of being two goals ahead, a cross was sent in for giant Serbian Nikola Zigic to knock down for the predatory Cameron Jerome to halve the deficit. The boos from the ungrateful home support had died down, and Birmingham seized the initiative, penning West Ham back for most of the rest of the game. When a good free-kick came in, Robert Green reverted to type by pushing it back into the danger zone, where Liam Ridgewell lurked to pounce for the equaliser. From then on, the Hammers were just desperate to hold on to what little they had, and were chewing their fingers to the knuckles when Cameron Jerome burst through one-on-one and lifted the ball nicely over Green, only to find defender Danny Gabbidon alert enough to knee it onto his own crossbar and away. After all this trauma, West Ham created one more great chance, when Jacobsen burst into the box, only to be halted by the clearest shirt yank from Beausejour you will ever see. If he was attached by bungee cord to the goal-post it could not have been clearer, but somehow the linesman, five yards or so away, saw nothing untoward, and the Hammers left with just a point to hardly aid their cause.

Sunderland rediscovered a morsel of their shattered pride by comfortably beating Stoke, who will again be bleating about a bizarre lack of decision by the referee to an integral moment in the match. After the crushing loss to rivals Newcastle, and missing top scorer Darren Bent, Steve Bruce introduced the only other regular Sunderland scorer this season: Asamoah Gyan. The World Cup star took just nine minutes to have an impact, when some lovely one and two-touch passing saw the Mackems cut through Stoke, and when Nedim Onuoha’s effort was well saved, Gyan gobbled up the rebound. Simon Mignolet preserved the lead when he saved well from Sunderland old boy Kenwyne Jones, and when Gyan was tugged back inside the box by Walters, the home faithful must have thought the game was theirs. Unfortunately, Bent was away, but so was penalty specialist Thomas Sorensen. Still, his deputy and hot prospect Asmir Begovic plunged to his left to keep out Steed Malbranque’s placed effort. Malbranque then saw a later goalbound effort deflected wide, while the moment of the match came with 19 minutes to go, when old boy Jones outmuscled Mignolet to send a looping header goalward, only for Lee Cattermole to leap up with his eyes closed and just about prevent it from crossing the line by heading and handling the ball not once but twice. Astonishingly, no wrongdoing was spotted, and the serial red-card merchant escaped with no admonishment. Almost immediately Jones battered another header goalwards, only to see it scrambled off the line, fairly this time. Ryan Shawcross then received a yellow card for a mindless lunge on Danny Wellbeck, before getting his marching orders eight minutes from time: there was to be no Shawcross redemption. After substitute Boudewijn Zenden sent a daisy-cutter narrowly wide, Sunderland wrapped up the game on 86 minutes, with the lively Gyan flicking wide to Richardson, whose cross was weakly stabbed away by Huth, with the loose ball rattled in by the Ghanaian.

After the West Brom debacle, Blackpool were once again involved in a goal-fest, this time holding a resurgent Everton to a draw at Bloomfield Road. With Charlie Adam bizarrely standing down from it, Neal Eardley cracked a blistering free-kick around the wall and in on 9 minutes, but within five minutes the in-form Yakubu had stood a lovely ball up for Tim Cahill to plant a header in the top corner of Gilks’ net. The same two players combined soon after, with Cahill’s effort hitting Yakubu and going into the grateful hands of Gilks, and the goalkeeper dealt with a Seamus Coleman volley equally adeptly.

The second period saw a mad goalmouth scramble inside the Everton box, with both teams accused of handball before David Vaughan cracked a shot into the body of a defender, then reacted to smash the rebound in. But the Tangerines suffered déjà vu, when within five minutes they had once again surrendered their impetus, with ex-Blackpool loanee Coleman spinning off Creaney and driving under the body of Gilks for an equaliser. Everton thought they may have claimed the win when an off-balance Pienaar stabbed a great ball through to Saha, but the Frenchman uncharacteristically sent the one-on-one wide of the target. Charlie Adam had a good effort tipped over, before Blackpool thought they had snatched a late win. Leighton Baines, who you may remember got a perfectly good Tuncay goal for Stoke chalked off by collapsing like a deck of cards under minimal contact, was up to his old tricks in going down under the slightest pressure from Marlon Harewood, who strode on to score, before being made aware of his supposed infringement. Could this be a new wave of cheating inspired by Baines? Defenders diving in order to get goals disallowed?

Aston Villa travelled to Craven Cottage craving a victory, despite missing strikers Emile Heskey, Gabriel Agbonlahor and John Carew. They started with youngster Nathan Delfouneso up front, and also included fellow youngsters Barry Bannan and Marc Albrighton, as well as, ironically the two Youngs: Luke and Ashley. Fulham had welcomed back most of their strikers, but had struggled lately, with just one win in their last six games. Predictably, Villa’s fresh faces were dynamic and inventive but not at all composed or clinical. Delfouneso headed a good chance wide before Friedel was called into action, saving from a typically industrious Clint Dempsey. Zoltan Gera then knocked down for Moussa Dembele to blaze over. Luke Young forced a save at the other end, with Delfouneso once again wasting a good chance from the rebound. Right before the half-time whistle, Carlos Salcido was caught out by a long ball over his shoulder, and Marc Albrighton seized upon it, before cutting inside and providing a delightful finish.

In the second half, substitute Andy Johnson was sent through by Dempsey, but Johnson’s lookalike Friedel smothered the one-on-one chance. Ashley Young then did the opposite of leading by example by missing a glorious headed chance and dragging a great opportunity wide. This slack profligacy was punished to the full in the last minute, when Albrighton gave away a free-kick, which Danny Murphy delivered to the back post. Towering centre-back Brede Hangeland planted a header inside the near post for a last-gasp equaliser.

The Lancashire derby went the way of Rovers, with Big Sam’s agricultural cloggers getting one over on Martinez’s cultivated architects. Ali Al-Habsi saved an early one-on-one from Mame Diouf, while at the other end Spanish playmaker Jordi Gomes fed Rodallega, whose rocket was well kept out by Robinson. The normally-peripheral and slightly tubby Aussie Brett Emerton stepped up with a superb display, first finding Morten Gamst Pedersen with a centre, which required a flying tip-over from Al-Habsi. Wigan’s Diame charged through and produced a superb save from Paul Robinson, but in the 58^th minute Blackburn took the lead after they earned a free-kick near the touchline about 20 yards from goal. Though normally a crossing position, Morten Gamst Pedersen stepped up to launch a firecracker straight over Al-Habsi’s head and into the top corner for a glorious opener. Benjani had come off in the first half for Jason Roberts, apparently injured but suspiciously sulky, and the big man made the game safe when he shinned in another great Emerton cross via the post. If the crowd were impressed by Pedersen’s free-kick, they must have been pinching themselves when maverick talent Charles N’Zogbia belted a 30 yard free-kick in off the post for another fabulous set-piece goal. Wigan had a further chance to recover when Rodallega was blocked out in the box, but Rovers should have made the game safe when David Dunn’s trickery sent Chimbonda scampering into the box, finding Dunn with the return, who somehow made a complete mess of a fantastic chance for a third.

Until next time amigos.