Goals 'n' Ghosts

A couple of huge derby games kept us all thrilled on that most chilling of days: All Hallow’s Eve. The Black Cats will be lamenting the many black cats that must have crossed all of their paths, while the Magpies were more like ravenous ravens, or perhaps crows of vengeance, as they took morbid gratification from humiliating their fiercest rivals. Meanwhile, the Second City suffered from cautionary tactics, as both managers reverted to hiding under the bed rather than going for the jugular and risking the horror of defeat.

Fitting perhaps that hungry Wolves came back from the dead on this macabre weekend, scenting blood and howling at the Blue Moon. In the midst of a shocking run of fixtures, incorporating Chelsea, Arsenal, Mancitti and Man United twice, Mick McCarthy’s big bad Wolves blew down the Sky Blue house to give them a welcome respite from recent maulings. With talismanic Dutch destroyer Nigel De Jong ironically injured, we were not treated to the spectacle of him and fellow Clog of War Karl Henry attempting to dismember each other, but it was still a game that had plenty of thrills and the odd chill.

Mancitti, shorn of pocket dynamo Carlos Tevez, started with grinning target man Emmanuel Adebayor up front, ably supported by the diminutive craft of David Silva and the precocious but volatile ability of Mario Balotelli. City started like bats out of hell, and Balotelli almost steered a superb early Milner cross in, beating Hahnemann to the ball but finding the wrong side of the post. Adebayor was a witch’s eyelash from making goalworthy contact with a Barry cross delivered into the ‘corridor of uncertainty’. Balotelli then showed us more of his repertoire when he exchanged sharp passes with Adebayor, but flashed his effort over the crossbar. In the 23^rd minute, the culmination of City’s dominance was a penalty, earned when Silva performed a lovely drag-back on the goal-line, only to have his feet whipped out from under him by a bemused Stearman. Emmanuel stepped up to stroke home the penalty, and many felt this was the cue for an onslaught. Instead, it was Wolves who took the game by the throat, with David Edwards looping a header narrowly over via the fingertips of Hart, then crashing the resulting corner against the post. Just seven minutes after falling behind, Wolves were level, when some sweet football led to Matt Jarvis’ deflected cross falling to Milijas, who guided a left-foot effort into the net. Mancitti were like Dracula with their hatred of crosses, and another dangerous delivery from Jarvis was missed fractionally by both Doyle at the near post and Hunt at the far, while at the other end Emmanuel Adebayor brilliantly won a header under heavy pressure, but the ball dropped a bat’s wingspan wide with Hahnemann nowhere. Wolves finally made their asserted authority count when Foley hooked the ball across goal for Kolo Toure to make a real mess of clearing, only nudging the ball out to Kevin Doyle. Toure proved an obstacle to Doyle’s shot, but David Edwards was on hand to plunder the rebound. Kolo’s brother almost got him out of the proverbial excrement when he strode forward as Wolves nipped at his heels, and fed the ball inside the full-back for Adam Johnson to move on to and cross low. Unfortunately for City, Adebayor could not be the wolfsbane they were seeking; blazing his chance way into the stands for a howler of a miss. Quite how Mancini felt he was getting his team back in the game by bringing on defender Pablo Zabaleta for Adebayor remains to be seen, and it proved a real creepshow for City fans.

Chelski made sure the beasts of Blackburn weren’t about to strike, by recovering their composure to kill them off at the death. Amid much talk that Big Sam fancies an Indian takeover as much as he clearly fancies an Indian takeaway, Blackburn tore into their illustrious visitors. Didier Drogba uncharacteristically made poor contact on an Ivanovic cross, but after this Blackburn were impressive, with the two Dioufs and Benjani running Alex and Terry ragged. Mame Biram Diouf flicked a crafty lob over Cech, who lost his footing but used every inch of his stature to claw the ball over the crossbar, while Benjani cut swathes through Chelsea’s backline, only to prod straight at Cech. After a period of sustained pressure around the Chelsea box, El-Hadji Diouf’s fine cross was just missed by Terry, and converted excellently by the head of Benjani Mwaruwari. A great counter-attack from Rovers then culminated in another dangerous delivery by El-Hadji Diouf, but Cech once again came to his team-mates’ rescue, clawing the ball away from the incoming Mame Biram Diouf. As Chelsea tend to do, they struck back without necessarily earning it, and through a move Big Sam would have been proud of. Petr Cech proved Paul Robinson isn’t the only goalkeeper who can mule-kick the ball the length of the pitch, when he belted it up to Malouda, about 35 yards from goal on the left. Malouda almost instantly sent in a peach of a cross, which Drogba nodded down for the predatory Anelka to finish sublimely, minutes before half-time.

In the second period, Cashley sliced a decent chance wide, and Yuri Zhirkov, playing in an advanced midfield role, had a powerful drive beaten out by Robinson. A delicious Pedersen cross was flicked towards goal by substitute Jason Roberts, bouncing a fraction wide, with Mame Diouf arriving just too late to guide inside the post, and later Roberts ruined Blackburn’s chances of a deserved victory. A glorious crossfield ball by M. Diouf was controlled and nudged past Cashley Cole, but after his hard work, Roberts slotted wide of the post to leave Rovers wallowing in their own profligacy. Chelski gratefully robbed salt into their festering wounds when they applied late pressure, culminating in Yuri Zhirkov brilliantly finding calm in the penalty box pandemonium to dink a sumptuous cross that was made for Ivanovic to attack, which he did, netting with aplomb for a Chelski winner, sending them 5 points clear once more.

The Gunners almost blew their chance of staying in touch, but their patience was finally rewarded with a breakthrough in the 87^th minute, much to the chagrin of the horrified Hammers. Avram Grant’s dour expression was so nearly lifted slightly, but the pressure of holding all the other Premiership teams up still weighs heavily on the Israeli. Despite apparently suffering from tight hamstrings, Francesc Fabregas continues to illustrate that he is almost at Thierry Henry’s Arsenal level, strolling about the pitch like Lord of the Manor, spraying deft and delightful passes wherever he chooses, most of them resulting in an assist. To describe some of the Arsenal approach play as majestic would be an understatement. Alexandre Song had another one of those games where you think he can dominate games more than Patrick Vieira did, Theo Walcott looks like he has been watching many hours of his own games and corrected the faults, while Nasri has been the new Robert Pires this season. Two of the most maligned goalkeepers in the Premiership lined up at either end, and both were flawless. Fabianksi had no outstanding moments, he merely did the simple things well, which is a huge improvement on last season. Robert Green on the other hand had one of those games he is capable of when he is humble, admits he is not as good as he thinks he is, and focuses completely on his performance rather than feeling sorry for himself. Some gorgeous passing and movement created a great chance for Sagna to find Fabregas in the middle of goal, but Green flew across his goal to keep it out brilliantly. Mark Noble replied by effortlessly cutting through Arsenal’s backline, only to thud it at Fabianski’s chest. Green alertly tipped over a Squillaci header, but was helpless when Samir Nasri once again announced himself on proceedings by clattering the crossbar with a scud missile of a free-kick from all of nearly 40 yards. Referee Michael Jones must have felt eyes burning into him when he failed to stop the game after a bullet of a Fabregas shot caught Scott Parker flush in the jaw and pole-axed him, despite Parker trying and failing to get up, but fortunately for justice, Arsenal did not profit.

Theo Walcott was introduced for Denilson on 67 minutes, and pretty much immediately lit up the game. After being sent sent clear of Ilunga by an imperious Fabregas through-ball, Walcott steadied himself and drove across Robert Green; feeling desperately unlucky to see his effort strike the inside of the post. When Manuel Da Costa nodded unmarked into Fabianksi’s gloves from a corner, you felt West Ham were destined not to win the game, but they must have been confident of at least a draw when Robert Green saved a deflected Walcott effort and made another fabulous stop from Fabregas. Still, the Gunners relentlessly pressed on, and when Song bent the ball to Clichy with the outside of his boot, the French full-back stepped inside a labouring Faubert and whipped in a cross with his weaker foot so good it should have resulted in two goals. Green could not come, Bendtner just missed it and Song didn’t; his diving header securing the points and second place for Arsenal, while keeping the unhappy Hammers weighted to the Premier League seabed.

The Toon ran away with spoon, or at least the bragging rights, in the Tyne-Wear derby, whilst the only Brucey bonus Steve got was a last minute consolation to soften the blow of conceding five. It was a day when everything that could go wrong did go wrong for Sunderland, a real horror show on a day for horror. Newcastle had all the tricks, and snaffled all the treats. Sunderland had some early jousts, with Darren Bent fuming at Danny Wellbeck, after the youngster had raced clear, only to be caught in two minds with Bent free in the middle; taking on a difficult shot deflected wide. Andy Carroll then gave the Sunderland defence a run for their money, bounding surprisingly gracefully past three men before finally being toppled by a brilliant last-ditch tackle from Phil Bardsley. Local lad Shola Ameobi then had a Heskey moment, when he let a corner hit him in the crotch, missing the target when it seemed easier to score. Joey Barton was once again menacing for all the right reasons, and his cracking low effort was well saved by Mignolet. Sunderland were finally undone from a corner, when a cluster of defenders failed to prevent a flick on, and Kevin Nolan cleverly improvised, hitting the deck quickly to arc his foot over his head and guide the loose ball in. A few minutes later, with Sunderland still reeling, it was 2-0. Kevin Nolan played a nice one-two with Jonas Gutierrez, and the Argentine’s cross found Carroll, whose comical attempt at a scissor kick bounced unpredictably at Kevin Nolan in yards of space. Despite an awkward first touch, Nolan had time to adjust his feet as Mignolet charged out, adeptly finding the net for his second. Sunderland couldn’t hold out the half, with Nedim Onuoha bundling Gutierrez over in stoppage time for a penalty which Shola Ameobi dispatched clinically into the very corner of Mignolet’s net for a three-goal lead at the break.

In the second half, Sunderland’s riposte was brief; a Henderson corner hitting Darren Bent and going wide. Their chances of resurrection were extinguished when Newcastle worked the ball on the edge of the box, and Carroll rampaged onto the loose ball, catching Titus Bramble on his heels. The whole stadium knew what was about to happen, and sure enough, Titus lunged in and cleaned out Carroll as he flicked the ball past him for the most obvious red card you’re ever likely to see short of decking the referee. To Steve Bruce’s credit, he kept Asamoah Gyan on with Darren Bent in a salvage attempt, and a Phil Bardsley snapshot was kept out by Krul. But Sunderland’s salvage was savaged by a fourth Newcastle goal in the 70^th minute. Andy Carroll dived like a bullet to crash a header against the crossbar, and with a quick feet adjustment, the rebound was fired home like a cannon by Shola Ameobi, who scores more often than not against Sunderland. With two men on hat-tricks, Newcastle were unrelenting in their pursuits of a fifth. What Geordie Ameobi would have given for a hat-trick, but instead his header from a corner found Nolan, lurking with intent to net from a few yards for him to write his name into the record books; the first hat-trick scorer for Newcastle against Sunderland since Peter Beardsley 25 years ago. Credit to the Mackems, who cheered their fans a little in the dying embers, when Asamoah Gyan flicked a corner to Bent, who controlled and swivelled to net as Krul lunged.

A moment of farce finally decided the game for the Red Devils on Devil’s Night at Old Trafford. The oft-quoted about Spurs not beating United at Old Trafford since Gary Lineker scored the winner in 1989 proved to be a hoodoo once more, though Spurs are a far more dangerous proposition these days. Park Ji-Sung followed his midweek goal by hitting the post from distance, and Spurs main man Rafael Van Der Vaart duly did the same for Tottenham. After these exchanges United began to seize the game, with Park and Carrick close, before Nani’s box of tricks nearly led to the treat of an opener, but Hernandez’s layback to Fletcher found its way into Gomes’ hands. Just after the half hour, the Red Devils made their superiority count. The on-fire Nani fired over a glorious cross from a free-kick, and Serbian battle-tank Nemanja Vidic rose to nod it perfectly into the corner of the net. Before half-time, Spurs nearly made it all-square, when the quick-thinking Van Der Vaart coaxed a corner out to Luka Modric on the edge of the ‘D’, who chested it down and drilled a shot goalbound, only for Edwin Van Der Sar to palm it away with both hands.

The second period saw Gareth Bale reimagining his San Siro slalom, before cutting a shot across goal wide with his weaker right foot. Roman Pavlyuchenko shot narrowly wide with the intervention of Vidic, and Spurs fans were gutted to see Van Der Vaart going off with a hamstring strain. With the clock ticking down, Spurs fans were left thinking it was April Fools rather than Devil’s Night, when Nani went down theatrically under a questionable challenge from Younes Kaboul, and took it upon himself to lay his hands on the ball, perhaps to convince the referee of the penalty award. Mark Clattenburg signalled to play on and did not blow his whistle, but this must have been lost in translation for Heurelho Gomes, who tried to con everyone into thinking it was actually a free-kick, despite rolling the ball ten yards further forward then where the infringement happened. Nani saw through this bluff and cheekily scored, with Gomes playing the blundering victim as adeptly as ever, forgetting the old adage about playing to the whistle. The linesman had bizarrely flagged, for what we don’t know, but Clattenburg over-ruled him to award a truly farcical goal. There was still time for Nani to hit the crossbar after some audacious skill to beat Modric, but 2-0 it ended.

Liverpool eased the undue pressure on Uncle Roy with the best kind of win: a late late win. Once again the Scousers had flattered to deceive, until a delightful flick from the previously-anonymous Torres had set up the goal.

The Spaniard had an early sight of goal when Zat Knight gave the ball away and Gerrard fed him, but Torres seemed to think he had acres to run into and ran out of room before making up his mind. Bolton had a cracking Holden volley well saved by Reina, before they were seething at Martin Atkinson for not giving a penalty, when Jamie Carragher clearly handled Stuart Holden’s cross from not-so-close range. Gerrard was at the heart of a four-man move at the other end, but dragged a very presentable chance hopelessly wide, and a better effort had the sting taken out of it by stout centre-back Paul Robinson. The Greek almost bore gifts for Liverpool again when Kyrgiakos headed just over from a corner, but then was fortunate to get away with a sly shove in the box on Kevin Davies, whose flamboyant fall did not do him any favours.

Some deft Liverpool approach play saw Maxi Rodriguez backheel to Gerrard, then get on the end of the knockdown from Torres, but his scissor-kick sailed narrowly over. For Bolton, Zat Knight headed a corner over, and a Matt Taylor free-kick was agonisingly missed by Kevin Davies. The Trotters were made to rue those misses when Torres had the guile to backheel the ball through Gary Cahill’s legs to set up the onrushing Rodriguez who fired through Jaaskelainen for a priceless winner. Liverpool thus became the first side this season to conquer at the Reebok, while Uncle Roy’s woeful away record that stretched from his Fulham reign was finally laid to rest.

The Halloween Second City derby was pretty horrific. The ghosts of goalkeeping howlers haunt this fixture, while Birmingham’s six straight losses in it were the stuff of their nightmares. It was entirely predictable that when two notoriously cautious managers, who both packed their midfield, met, it would end in a dour goalless draw. Ashley Young was as ambitious as Villa got; his lovely disguised pass seeing Heskey fail to make the contact that would have led to a goal. Nigel Reo-Coker then charged down a Ben Foster clearance, but this time the goalkeeper wasn’t left with head in hands as the ball flew wide. This was the beginning of a busy period of involvement for Reo-Coker, who then survived a handball shout in his own penalty area to seize on a Larsson error at the other end, pulling the best out of Ben Foster in the process. Foster again threatened to join the Midlands Derby goalkeeping graveyard when he dropped the ball at a striker’s feet. Fortunately for him, that striker was Emile Heskey, and he was surrounded by four Brum defenders, who bailed him out. At the other end, Cameron Jerome somehow levered Richard Dunne off the ball; driving into the box and crossing low for an unmarked Zigic. Unfortunately for Jerome, he telegraphed his intentions, making a real Halloween pumpkin out of himself as Friedel caught him out. Young substitute Barry Bannan came on and forced a fabulous save from Foster, but once again the Birmingham goalkeeper followed the sublime with the ridiculous, when he flew out to clear a dangerous cross, only to deck Ciaran Clark, whose header dropped just wide. Ashley Young again looked the most threatening towards the end, teasing Ridgewell before thumping the outside of the angle.

Fulham claimed their first win in seven games, while Wigan suffered their first defeat in seven games. Since Zamora was injured, the Cottagers have not fared well, losing their unbeaten start and not winning, but this was an impressive victory, fashioned in North America. Mark Hughes deserves an award for replacing Paul Konchesky, now the weak link at Liverpool, with swashbuckling Mexican left-back Carlos Salcido, who provides constant thrust, and a steady stream of excellent crosses. It was his pinpoint effort which led to the opener, headed in clinically by American goal-machine Clint Dempsey, now surely replacing former Yank favourite Brian McBride in Fulham fans’ hearts. Fulham played all the incisive football; easy on the eye and sharp on the ground. Simon Davies set up Moussa Dembele to lay back for Zoltan Gera, who shot just wide. Another fine move led to Salcido sending in another tempting cross to Dempsey, whose effort was tipped up in the air by Al-Habsi, only to fall to Gera, who nodded over from 6 yards, to widespread despair. A minute before half-time the game was sewn up, when a low cross from the opposite full-back; Chris Baird, was dispatched equally clinically with his foot by Dempsey. Wigan were appalling, bar perhaps N’Zogbia, illustrating once again their Jekyll and Hyde nature. Dembele came close in the second half; following in a saved Gera effort, and the Fulham faithful raised the roof for the return of Andy Johnson, who couldn’t mark the occasion with a goal, but will be chuffed nonetheless to be off the treatment table and back on the pitch.

Speaking of comebacks, Yakubu finally looks as if he is getting back to top form, with a bustling display against Stoke. Tony Pulis finally decided to start with some flair, with Tuncay starting and desperately unlucky not to score, after a terrible refereeing error denied him a legitimate goal.

After a forgettable first half, Ryan Shawcross missed a good chance, and Tuncay was alert enough to bundle in a dangerous cross at the back post, with Leighton Baines collapsing through his own clumsiness, but getting out of jail when Lee Probert decided, incorrectly, that Tuncay had pushed him. Maybe Stoke are getting a reputation, after Robert Huth’s antics over the last few weeks. Everton’s winner came in the 66^th minute. Abdoulaye Faye fatally dithered over a cross, letting it bounce off his shins for Yakubu to poach, hold him off and set up Cahill on the edge of the box for a shot, which struck the post. Yakubu was alert enough to collect the rebound, cut outside the defender and lash into the roof of the net from close range; a priceless winner for the Toffees, who have climbed to 8^th after their dreadful start.

Until next time…(try to imagine a creepy Vincent Price voice and cackle)