With the first bloody international break coming up already, the Premier League threw up a couple more pint-dropping results this weekend. Only Stoke and West Ham have lost all three opening games, and yet noone seemed to plump for Stoke as 'drop' candidates pre-season, perhaps because Ricardo Fuller and Mamady Sidibe were bound to intimidate the (trap)doormen.
Chelsea are navigating the fixture list from Heaven immaculately, though Stoke did put up sterner resistance than they managed at the tail-end of last season. You can imagine unusual betting patterns on a third 6-0 in 3 games, but Chelsea had to make do with just a third of those goals, though had Fun Time Frankie stuck his first-half penalty away rather than sliding it into penalty specialist Thomas Sorensen's grateful arms it may have turned into that kind of rout; the penalty being conceded from the kind of mindless Ryan Shawcross swipe that Capello was not seduced by in the summer. John Terry of all people proved he can do more than just get in the way of shots and sleep with other people's wives, when he was given the freedom of Stoke's half to stroll forward and stab a nice through ball to Florent Malouda, who finished with composite ease one-on-one. After Cashley Cole had belted the crossbar with a volley, Glenn Whelan did likewise with a brutal long-ranger, but the futile resistance was ended in the second half when Sorensen came second in a race to the ball, chopping down France's favourite son Nicholas Anelka for a penalty, which Didier Drogbarrr gratefully crashed in. 14 goals scored, none conceded for Chelski.
The result of the weekend was surely 2010's Kings of Unpredictability Wigan Athletic beating Tottenham Hotspur 1-0 at their own ground. The form guide was lovingly flushed down the crapper as the North West cannon-fodder finally scored a goal, and more staggeringly, kept a clean sheet, their first since about 2006. They had conceded 18 in their previous 3 league games, conceded 9 last time at the Lane, while Spurs had just launched a thousand joke-ships by humiliating Young Boys. But not even everyone's favourite chimpanzee-a-like Gareth Bale could lift a shocking Spurs team. Wigan were good value, with Hendry Thomas looking like a Premier League midfielder, and Emerson Boyce shoring up the backline. They may have thought their chance for victory had gone late on when Rodallega fired a deadly cross to Antonin Alcaraz, who contrived to knee the ball over with an open net gaping from four yards. Jordi Gomez missed another glorious chance before Tottenham took slackness to new levels, casually surrendering possession deep in their own half to Hendry Thomas, whose first time lofted ball over Spurs' defence was buried by Hugo Rodallega, past the utterly inept dive of forgotten man Carlo Cudicini. As a contrast, Wigan's new number one was outstanding. The Omanian Ali Al-Habsi from Bolton made a number of crucial saves, and earned his luck when his flap gave Younes Kaboul the chance to head wide of an open goal at the death. If there's one thing we've learnt from last season though, it's that Wigan will not win their next game!
Another shock result was Arsenal actually winning at Ewood Park! After an early goal-line clearance from Barcelona harlot Cesc Fibreglass set the tone for what we assumed would be a 'death from above' assault from Blackburn, Arsenal actually took the lead with a typical superbly engineered goal, Robin Van Persie stabbing sublimely between two defenders for the still-in-form Theo Walcott to actually break the net with a drive inside the far post. What nobody was expecting was for Blackburn to get back in the game with a lovely footballing passage of play. Man-mountain Christopher Samba strode past a couple of Arsenal midfielders on the halfway line, before releasing El-Hadji Diouf to skin a flat-footed Vermaelen, and actually pick his head up from his bootlaces to slide across for his namesake Mame to notch. Rather than crumble, Arsenal decided to stay strong and work their way back into the game. Even Manuel (Almunia) decided to drop his Fawlty Towers routine and handle everything properly. When Bacary Lasagna fired in a low cross which Fibreglass drilled into Walcott, Andrei proved he doesn't need no Arshavin, as he was streamlined enough to arrive on cue to sweep home the rebound. As the game's embers faded, Blackburn decided to resort to lumping it into the box and collapsing theatrically, the most comical coming from Samba, whom you'd suspect you'd need a sledgehammer to take down.
Blackpool celebrated their very first game at the recently-developed Bloomfield Road with a draw against the usually lightweight travellers Fulham, despite having two goals disallowed. So we were treated to more skin-tight shirts by the seaside, with Fulham neat and tidy as ever, taking the lead with a classic cross and header from Bobby Zamora, despite a dubious challenge from Dembele in the build-up. It wasn't until the second half that the Tangerines had something to cheer, and it was magnificent in its execution, John Pantsil brilliantly finishing off the move he started by giving the ball away deep in his own half. Pantsil has often been derided by Fulham fans as their weak link, but it's hard to stay mad at the clumsy bugger for long. The goodwill was severely tested later though, when Pantsil played everyone onside for the culmination of a superb one and two-touch passing move between half of Blackpool's team; Sheffield Wednesday reject Luke Varney finishing in the blink of an eye as the ball was laid through. Blackpool weren't to be triumphant though, as a lovely through-ball was lifted over the goalkeeper by the rampaging Dickson Etuhu for a late leveller.
Manchester United continued the task of clinging to Chelsea's coat-tails at this early stage with a convincing win over a dismal West Ham. A brilliant early Nani effort crashed against the bar, and from then on it was all one-way traffic. Former United player Jonathan Spector gave away a penalty for Wayne Rooney to finally break his duck since the end of last season, and Nani continued his masterclass, his mesmerising dribbling leaving Danny Gabbidon on his arse and the ball in West Ham's net. The ageless class of Giggs and Scholes was once again dictating the game, and a classic Berbatov swivel volley from a lofted Nani cross completed the victory, leaving West Ham rock bottom.
Bolton and Birmingham served up a tasty mid-table encounter, with Roger Johnson proving a pivotal figure, as he opened the scoring with a scrambled lunge, then got Bolton's Jussi Jaaskelainen red-carded by striking the goalkeeper's glove with his chin. When a dubious offside call led to Birmingham's second from Craig Gardner, it looked like lacey blue curtains for Bolton, but inexplicably they roared back into the game. Kevin Davies did his familiar trick of backing into defenders, while Johnson's arm first leaned on Davies, then handled the ball on his way down. Probably a worthy penalty, which Davies himself slid into the top corner. There was still time for classy veteran Robbie Blake to come on and prove his worth with a majestic free-kick, which Ben Foster completely misjudged.
In the Black Country, Newcastle were forced to change from their black-and-white stripes to....all-white. Quite how this constitutes an away kit, nor how black-and-white clashes with gold, remains to be seen. Two teams renowned for their robust approach proceeded to be very robust, with serial sinner and former moustache devotee Joey Barton clattered more than a few times, while Sylvain Ebanks-Blake clattered the post with a header. He soon made amends though when he superbly controlled a Van Damme cross with the outside of his boot, before cracking the ball home. Newcastle held their nerve to equalise in the second half, a Barton free-kick guided in at the near post by the head of Andy Carroll. There was an interesting penalty claim denied from a foul on Matt Jarvis, though the fact he had punted the ball practically out of play before he went down probably counted against him.
How Everton failed to beat Villa is beyond most people who saw the onslaught, but the truth is that only Villa found the killer instinct when it mattered. Luke Young flicked a hopeful pass forward which Marouane Fellaini made a dog's breakfast of, then raced forward to receive a lovely weighted return from namesake Ashley, coaxing the ball home without breaking his stride. Though Everton could not break Friedel's line of resistance, a huge positive could be gleamed from the performance of Seamus Coleman, who looks a class act on the right hand side.
Merseyside neighbours Liverpool were on the better end of a 1-0 scoreline at Anfield. Despite looking very much like a team in transition, Liverpool ground down a decent West Brom side through a crisp Fernando Torres volley just after the hour, the striker finally shrugging off his own Samson effect. Portuguese midfielder Raul Meireles was unveiled before kick-off, filling the fans with renewed optimism that they can effectively plug the gap left by toothy Argentine Javier Mascherano's transfer to the Barcelona substitute's bench. James Morrison was sent off for two bookable offences late on to remove any vestige of a Baggies boingback.
And the final shock of the weekend came from an unpredictable Sunderland, who beat championship pretenders Mancitti with an injury-time penalty at the Stadium of Light. The story of the game came perhaps after 16 minutes, when Yaya Toure strode through the feeble Sunderland masses to leave a three-on-one situation, before squaring to leave top scorer Carlos Tevez with an open net, though the Argentine striker clearly thought he still had a keeper to chip, clearing the net completely to leave the ground agape. Sunderland clearly learned their lesson as they became far more solid from then on, beside the odd miskick from good old Titus. Yaya Toure missed a sitter himself when he dithered over a one-on-one, and Sunderland goalkeeper Simon Mignolet made a magnificent reflex save from a point-blank Adebayor flick, before a cross at the death saw Micah Richards falling on top of Darren Bent to earn a last gasp penalty, which Bent drilled under the dive of the unfortunate Joe Hart.
Wake me up when September's here!
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