Dead men rising

In a weekend which saw Laurent Koscielny make a real dummy out of himself by dummying a last minute clearance to hand Birmingham their first trophy since the same trophy in 1963, Manchester United increased their lead at the top of the Premier League, while it was all change at the bottom between the four ‘W’s.

Wigan tend to lose heavily home or away against Manchester United because they play predominantly ‘laissez-faire’ football. As at Swansea, Roberto Martinez likes to play attractive football along the ground even in tight areas. The problem is he lacks defenders with nous, or strikers with a clinical edge. The main talk unfortunately after the game was an incident where James McCarthy stepped into Wayne Rooney’s path to deliberately block him off, which Wayne Rooney responded to with a well-placed elbow to McCarthy’s temple; a pretty serious assault which clearly should have led to a red card. It didn’t, and United responded by taking the Latics apart. Victor Moses was presented with a glorious chance by Paul Scholes of all people, but was foiled by the timeless class of Edwin Van Der Sar. Javier Hernandez was then smothered out by a combination of Caldwell and Figueroa before a lovely move saw Rooney combining with Nani to send the Portuguese winger wide, with his low cross flying through the lunging Caldwell’s legs and being tucked in at the near post by the predatory Hernandez. Wigan almost equalised through a chance set up by a cute backheel from N’Zogbia, but McCarthy was foiled by Van Der Sar. Nani then crashed the inside of the post with a magnificent effort, while Al-Habsi saved from Nani, then Nani and Fletcher. Hernandez brilliantly controlled a Wayne Rooney return pass and ran clear to finish expertly for 2-0, while Dimitar Berbatov ran onto a long ball past a ridiculous attempt by Wigan to play offside in United’s half, and eventually squared to bad boy Rooney, who tapped in. The game was made complete by substitute Fabio, who received a long cross and coolly converted.

After the tragic news of Dean Richards’ death, one of his former sides; Wolves, brought Blackpool crashing back to earth after their midweek win over Spurs. The Tangerines were as bad as they have been all season in the absence of talisman Charlie Adam, while Wolves were finally as clinical as their approach play deserved. A very nice move led to Adam Hammill taking three players out of play on the edge of the box with a deft pass to Ryan Jarvis, who finished with aplomb. A deadly David Vaughan cross narrowly avoided going in for Blackpool, and was missed by an eyelash at the back post by oncoming attackers. Richard Kingson brilliantly turned aside a neat Edwards half-volley, but the game was essentially finished as a contest when DJ Campbell responded to being pushed with both hands thrice by Richard Stearman by pushing him back. The fact that his hands were six inches higher made all the difference, and Campbell was red-carded. Kingson made another cracking stop before Wolves finally increased their lead. Blackpool tried to be too clever on the edge of their own area and gave the ball away to Jamie O’Hara, who advanced before finding the corner of the net expertly. Sylvain Ebanks-Blake gratefully gobbled up a lovely cross from Kevin Doyle, and later grabbed a brace from the bench, after controlling a Ward long pass superbly and guiding a cute shot into the net.

Gerard Houllier appears to finally by gaining the trust of his long-suffering fans, after guiding his Villa side to a resounding win over Blackburn. Robert Pires was finally given a start, and put in a great show as he tested Paul Robinson twice early on, on one occasion bringing out the best in the erstwhile England goalkeeper as he recovered in a flash to tip the loose ball away from a lurking Darren Bent. Keith Andrews made an absolute prat of himself when he dithered on the ball and gave away a penalty to Ashley Young, who converted with relish, and Rovers youngster Grant Hanley had been horribly unlucky to see a low Albrighton cross miss three players in front of him and cannon into the net off his shins. When Stewart Downing raced away on a counter-attack to curl his shot into the net, the game was well and truly over for hapless Rovers. Nikola Kalinic scored a heavily deflected consolation with ten minutes to play, but within two minutes the deficit was three once again, as some lovely approach play from Ashley Young saw him feed Stewart Downing, before racing unchallenged into the box to rattle the return ball into the net. Villa finally looked potent in attack once more, while Ryan Nelsen had his traumatic week made slightly worse by earning a second yellow card late on.

Jermaine Beckford started to demonstrate his potential worth to the Toffees by scoring a brace as they comfortably saw off Sunderland, who have now lost four consecutive games. The opening goal came after just eight minutes, as Leon Osman produced a deft short ball through to Beckford, who stepped off a typically sleeping Titus Bramble, rounded Mignolet and scored. New Mackems’ signing Stefan Sessegnon almost got his Sunderland career off to the ideal start, but his rocket was tipped onto the underside of the crossbar and away by Tim Howard. Sunderland offered little in resistance before Mikel Arteta won a long ball in the air, and beat John Mensah with some trickery; sending in a low cross which Beckford backtracked to guide into the corner of the net for 2-0. Beckford fired a half-volley chance over for his hat-trick, while Simon Mignolet made an excellent double save from Luis Saha and then Seamus Coleman. A Coleman cross-shot was then parried away at the near post, and Everton thought they had made it three when the industrious Osman rounded Mignolet, but his powerful shot was somehow headed off the line by Ahmed Elmohamedy.

West Ham confounded the experts by pulling off a remarkable win over a resurgent Liverpool, thus lifting themselves briefly out of the relegation zone. The Hammers, who had produced one of the Premier League’s most abysmal displays of all time in this away fixture, opened the scoring on 21 minutes, when talisman Scott Parker played a one-two with the now-fit Thomas Hitzlsperger, before poking into the net from the edge of the box superbly with the outside of his boot. Hitzlsperger had reminded everyone present of his specialities early on, when he sent a 40-yard volley into Reina’s arms. Dirk Kuyt hit the side netting when he should have done better, while Demba Ba was so close to converting a Piquionne low ball across the box. Luis Suarez was struggling to make an impact against James Tomkins of all people. When Demba Ba powered home an unmarked header from a Gary O’Neil cross on the stroke of half-time, West Ham were in dreamland. Although Liverpool were better in the second half, Demba Ba drilled fractions wide and Piquionne failed to get a corner on target. Robert Green was forced to tip a dipping Gerrard volley over, while Scott Parker blocked a goalbound Gerrard effort. Jose Reina almost ended up with egg on his face, but he recovered just in time after almost spilling a Piquionne effort into the net. Liverpool cut the deficit late on when Glen Johnson steamed forward to tap in a Suarez cross, but West Ham finished the game after Carlton Cole came on, fending off Skrtel before rattling inside Reina’s near post. Kenny was more dour than ever, while Avram almost smiled.

Daniel Sturridge proved his worth once more by netting his fourth goal in as many games, whilst Newcastle accrued another point which leaves them looking almost safe from the spectre of relegation. Jussi Jaaskelainen made a cracking near post save from Leon Best, but Chekh Tiote celebrated his lengthy new contract by teeing up Kevin Nolan to head in against his old club. Clumsy thug Paul Robinson was then grateful for a late offside call, as the last man brought Leon Best crashing down in the box. A magnificent Jose Enrique cross was then missed at the near post by Lovenkrands, but bundled out to Leon Best, whose follow-up cannoned back of David Wheater’s backside…or was it his face? Newcastle surrendered their lead when they failed to clear adequately, and Johan Elmander fed Daniel Sturridge, who got the ball out of his feet rapidly and poked a perfect left-foot shot wide of Harper’s grasp. Ryan Taylor marked his comeback to regular action by impersonating Joey Barton; launching at familiar Newcastle scapegoat Johan Elmander with both feet and earning himself an early bath. Both teams made late jousts for a victory, with Petrov’s effort cleared off the line by Nolan, and Nile Ranger’s late effort being ruled out for infringement of the offside laws.

Mancitti finally seem to have relinquished their fragile chance of a dream title by once again failing to hold onto a lead; or perhaps just for not being ambitious enough. He who dares wins, and Mancini dares not. Fulham set the tone, with a Danny Murphy long-ranger whistling over, and some easy-on-the-eye approach play culminating in a Dembele effort into Hart’s body. The opener against the run of play came from the unorthodox genius of Mario Balotelli, who sidestepped Danny Murphy and unleashed a cruise missile into the bottom corner from 20 yards. Fulham’s equaliser was just as glorious, with Brede Hangeland languidly spraying the ball out to the scampering Andy Johnson, who turned on the afterburners and smashed in a low cross which was crashed into the net on the run by the arriving Damien Duff at the back post. Mario Balotelli was the main City threat in the second half, first miskicking a fantastic opportunity following a rare Hangeland howler, then being smothered out of a one-on-one chance by Aaron Hughes. City piles on late pressure when Tevez forced the best out of Schwarzer, and Kolarov threatened the crossbar, but it was to end all square.

The usual blend of well-paid pub league football was witnessed at the Britannia; near-millionaires playing the good old up-and-under let-em-ave-it tin-hat second-ball percentage play tedium. In between West Brom having to defend like Trojans at every set-piece, and John Carew ‘accidentally’ clocking Paul Scharner on the side of the head in two separate incidents, Jermaine Pennant clipped the crossbar with a free-kick, and West Brom finally relented in their dogged resistance; allowing Rory Delap to nip in at the front post form a corner to nod in unchallenged. Tony Pulis was suitably smug, but his hubris was to prove short-lived, as substitute Carlos Vela once again grabbed a crucial equaliser at the death, though he was standing a yard offside when he first received the ball; a point Pulis was very keen to labour post-match, conveniently forgetting Stoke grabbed a hugely lucky win over Sunderland a few weeks back at this stadium through two goals that were offside and laden with other offences. Vela then had two more gilt-edged opportunities in injury time, but the game ended all square, with Roy Hodgson humble and Pulis humbled.