Argie bargie leads the chargie at Eastlands

And then there were two. Unbeaten teams that is, on another weekend of high drama and farce in the Premier League. Chelsea failed their first real test of the season, while Arsenal proved the critics who suggested they needed Mark Schwarzer right once more. West Ham finally picked up an unlikely win, leaving the slowest of starters Everton rock bottom.

Manchester United preserved their unbeaten record, but will be less-than-impressed that they have already squandered six points away from home, though these days Bolton are a more imaginative threat than they were under Allardyce’s or Megson’s stewardship. The Trotters turned it on in front of their own fans, and a Bulgarian was the name on everyone’s lips, though not derby hat-trick hero Berbatov but forgotten winger Martin Petrov. His early corner was nodded home by Zat Knight, with Patrice Evra copying Paul Konchesky last week by deserting his post, when staying put would have meant an easy clearance. The returning Jaaskelainen pulled off good close-range saves from Giggs and Fletcher before a typical Kevin Davies flick was lunged at and missed by Johan Elmander, with Van Der Sar reading it adroitly. United seemed to be carelessly giving away possession, but could relax when Nani did his accurate impersonation of Cristiano Ronaldo; picking the ball up on the halfway line and motoring past four players with the greatest of ease, squeezing a perfect finish away just as he was scythed down on the edge of the box.

Federicho Macheda came on for United in the second half, and a lovely interchange of passes and flicks between him and Berbatov led to another decent chance saved, but Bolton then took the lead, after Petrov started and finished a move which went through Chung-Yong Lee and Elmander before finding him in the box, cutting inside and launching a right-footed effort heavily deflected past the prone Van Der Sar. Johan Elmander wriggled through and blazed over a glorious chance, and it looked as if Bolton may kill the game off, before perennial substitute Michael Owen stepped up to a Nani free-kick and flicked a back-header in off the post, for his 200^th goal in English football. Nani cut inside Lee and cracked a chance just wide, and Elmander missed another great chance to consign the game to a frustrating draw.

After five comfortable fixtures, Chelsea’s first difficult game pitted them against title pretenders Mancitti at Eastlands. Boasting a treatment table filled with defenders, Roberto Mancini underpinned his midfield with stoppers Yaya Toure, Gareth Barry and Nigel De Jong, despite being at home. This led to most of the first period being yawn-inducing. Alex nodded back a deep cross for Branislav Ivanovic to hit the crossbar, while James Milner fired in a low cross which John Terry cleared deep into own-goal territory. The half ended with defences very much on top.

Joe Hart saved well from Anelka, and Essien headed a corner well over in the second period, unable to repeat his performance from a couple of weeks back. City hit back with De Jong feeding David Silva who smartly turned and forced a save at Cech’s near post. Just before the hour mark the breakthrough came. James Milner snapped into new Chelsea signing Ramirez and Yaya Toure took up the slack, feeding Tevez on halfway, who advanced with intent. Silva made a vital decoy run to draw John Terry away, and Cashley Cole backed off and off until Tevez shifted the ball outside on the edge of the 18, forcing him to lunge to block. The shot flew through his legs and bounced in off the far post for a brilliant goal. Chelsea battled to force a way back, but more often than not found their route blocked by the titanic Vincent Kompany, who didn’t put a foot wrong. When Yuri Zhirkov was clattered by Boyata, Alex made a mess of a great chance from the free-kick, while a tame Essien long-ranger was comfortably dealt with. Eyebrows were raised as Didier Drogba came off on 75 minutes, the bemused reaction of the Chelsea fans somewhat drowned out by the cacophony of boos for Mancitti old boy Daniel Sturridge.

This result left Arsenal rubbing their hands together at the prospect of clawing back some of the points deficit, but their unbeaten run was about to be dismantled too. If you’d have asked a thousand people, you’d have struggled to find one person to bet on West Brom taking a 3-0 lead at the Emirates, but that is exactly what transpired. It seems that without the dynamism of Walcott, the left foot of Van Persie, the leadership of Vermaelen and the craft and general brilliance of Fabregas, this Arsenal team is a rudderless ship. Though you always have a chance with players like Andrei Arshavin, who dived in to squeeze a cross against the post, then stab the rebound against the same post. Signing of the season so far Peter Odemwingie also hit the outside of the post via the hand of Almunia to display West Brom’s attacking intentions, and when that same man bolted onto an excellent Chris Brunt through-ball, he was toppled by Almunia. Chris Brunt then found Almunia to be more resilient than usual in saving his placed penalty. Anyone who thought this was the signal for Arsenal to wake up at half time was shaken by the sight of the Baggies breaking their resistance on 50 minutes. Former Arsenal man Jerome Thomas had proved a constant thorn in their side, and it was he who brilliantly beat Baccary Sagna right on the touchline, before firing in a low cross which Odemwingie superbly adjusted to in opening the scoring. West Brom then played Arsenal at their own game, Chris Brunt casually nutmegging the always-dozy Clichy with a back-heel on the right hand touchline to send Chilean Gonzalo Jara scampering away. As he got to the edge of the box he unleashed an effort at Amunia, who hung his head as he only managed to shovel the regulation save into the corner of the net.

There were more tricks from Jerome Thomas, who slid the ball through to Chris Brunt, sending him wide of goal. Almunia dashed out, but then inexplicably got cold feet and backed away, leaving Brunt with time and space to fire back across goal, where Thomas was waiting to cash in at the back post on 72 minutes. The game then become the Samir Nasri show, as the Frenchman took it by the scruff of the neck, first striking the crossbar with a great effort, before weaving like a figure skater between four players inside the box and scoring. The Baggies strapped on their tin hats and managed to hold out until injury time, when Nasri coolly finished a cool pass from Arshavin, but it proved too little too late for the hapless Gunners.

The Arsenal result left only two unbeaten teams in the Premiership, the second and more surprising being Mark Hughes’ Fulham, who are building on the great work done by Roy Hodgson, whilst Roy Hodgson is cursing the ‘work’ done by Rafael Benitez. Fulham-Everton was the most predictable nil-nil draw of the weekend. While ‘Everton’ and ‘clinical’ have not been bedfellows for some time, Fulham were without both Bobby Zamora and new star Moussa Dembele, victim of a Stoke injury time tackle described as ‘ridiculous’ by Mark Hughes.

Mikel Arteta forced Schwarzer into a fine fingertip save just before half-time, while in the second period Howard beat away a Dempsey effort. A tantalising Seamus Coleman cross was missed by everyone at the near post, and Yakubu contrived to miss a hat-trick of glorious chances, finding Schwarzer in unbeatable form. How Arsenal must rue their penny-pinching. The result left Fulham one of only two sides without a defeat, and Everton the only side without a victory.

West Ham, the other side who hadn’t won managed to finally win, with the most unlikely three points against a Spurs team usually packed with goals. The Hammers, spurred on (pun very much intended) no doubt by their midweek League Cup win, took the game to Tottenham, creating a few early chances before Rafael Van Der Vaart forced Green into action and fired just wide. Kieron Dyer made a rare appearance and was causing problems for a weakened Tottenham backline, missing lynchpins King, Woodgate and Dawson. He won the corner which Mark Noble delivered and reborn buffoon Frederic Piquionne scored with a looping header. Robert Green finally showed us why he is a Premier League goalkeeper with a magnificent hand to tip Luka Modric’s effort onto the crossbar, while Tom Huddlestone baffled everyone in the ground by rounding Green in the second half, only to lose his head and blaze into the stand when the goal was open and Crouch was waiting. Carlo Cudicini matched Green with a top corner save from a Mark Noble strike, and in the dying minutes Boa Morte was just shy of converting from a goalmouth scramble by some last ditch Spurs defending. The Hammers are restoring some East End pride it seems.

Stuart Attwell continued his love affair with tabloid injunction king Steven Gerrard at Anfield. The referee who missed Gerrard’s forearm smash on Michael Brown last season decided that sticking his elbow into Danny Wellbeck’s face was only worthy of a caution, perhaps followed by some wine and a movie. Gerrard, such an inspiration in seasons past, has recently plummeted in the eyes of non-Liverpool fans, following his attacking of a local DJ, getting away with on-pitch assaults time and again, and screwing up the morale in the England World Cup camp with his notorious tabloid injunction scandal, which may or may not have involved getting a 16 year-old family friend/relative pregnant. In contrast to his hero, Stuart Attwell’s fledgling career has only been defined by farce so far, and he continued in the same vein here. After awarding Sunderland a strange free-kick deep in their own half, he then ordered a retake, after he judged they had taken it in too advanced a position. Michael Turner responded by nudging it back to his goalkeeper, who seemed a bit lax in responding. After turning away, it was obvious to everyone in the ground that the ball was dead, but Fernando Torres responded by bursting through, hoping to convince everyone the ball was in fact live. He must have thought it was worth a potential yellow card to try his luck, and ninety-nine times out of a hundred he would have been booked for his cheek. But this time, despite Attwell not even watching until late, play was continued, with Dirk Kuyt netting past a furious Mignolet. Attwell looked like a rabbit in headlights at the deluge of protest from Sunderland players, and fleed to his assistant to ask if Steven preferred a Pinot Noir or a Merlot.

Liverpool before this had scored a disallowed goal through Torres, though the offside decision was borderline. Any injustice that Sunderland felt was almost relieved when Gerrard nodded a comically short header back to Reina for Bent to almost retrieve, and they indeed had a route back into the game when Poulsen couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Bent thrashed the penalty through Reina, and they went in at half-time level. The second half saw another awful Attwell decision, or non-decision, as Wellbeck surged through only to be bodychecked by Reina as he charged onto his heavy touch. No penalty. Sunderland again had the character to respond to this injustice a few moments later, when Nedim Onuoha sent in a divine cross for main man Darren Bent to bury with a diving header. Once again, Liverpool were rescued by that familiar double-act; Torres skinning Titus Bramble and crossing for Michael Turner to flick on for the onrushing Gerrard to nod in the equaliser. Liverpool piled on some late pressure, with Mignolet parrying an N’Gog effort back into the danger area with no punishment, Turner defending well from N’Gog, and a final incredible injury-time sitter miss from Daniel Agger leaving the score at two each.

The derby between the Lancashire Blacks, ‘pool and ‘burn ended, predictably with ‘burn landing a late sucker punch. An early Blackpool corner was headed towards goal by Ian Evatt, but veteran Michel Salgado nodded against his own bar to keep it out. On 20 minutes ‘pool captain Charlie Adam wished the ground would open up, after he casually nodded a backpass from a Diouf cross into his own net from far too close. A ‘burn free-kick was later flicked deftly against the post by Christopher Samba, and Gilks pulled off a good save from an Emerton chance. As the second half wore on, a lengthy run and great cross from El-Hadji Diouf produced a sparkling Gilks save from a Jones effort. Blackpool were swashbuckling in their attacks, and a low Campbell cross found Ormerod slightly too wide to convert. Sheffield Wednesday reject Luke Varney set up Neal Eardley for a superb cross, which Charlie Adam, riding on the back of Salgado, somehow headed right across the face of goal from five yards, not as clinical at the opponents end apparently. Paul Robinson saved well from a Taylor-Fletcher curler, and Charlie Adam nearly made amends from a scramble, only to be thwarted by Robinson again. Matt Phillips came on for his Blackpool debut, and managed to score a lovely goal with his first touches to send the ‘pool fans into raptures on 84 minutes, but the delirium was quashed in injury time; a scramble seeing three last-ditch blocks falling to Emerton, who found a cool head amidst the madness to net. There was still time for one more chance. Unfortunately for the home faithful, it fell to Emerton again, whose shot was well saved.

The West Midlands derby saw another late winner, with Gerard Houllier saluting his new charges, though whether Stephen Warnock should have still been on the pitch to cross for the winner remains to be seen. He had already seen one yellow for a rash challenge on 18 minutes, and committed at least one other cautionable offence. One massive positive from the sale of James Milner has been the emergence of young winger Marc Albrighton, and he sent in a range of crosses in the first half, the best being around his man for Stewart Downing to convert at the far post. Both balding American goalkeepers had to be at their best, with Friedel saving from Fletcher and Doyle in the first half, Hahnemann having already denied Collins from an early corner.

The second half saw the Wolves tear into the Villans, with a game of head tennis seeing Friedel save from Berra, but he was left in no-man’s-land when a swinging Matt Jarvis centre was lunged at and missed by Edwards, leaving it to bounce into the corner of the Villa net. Wolves were good value for their equaliser, but seemed to lose momentum somewhat as time ticked by, a draw being a valuable result. They were made to pay when that man Warnock stood up a decent cross for Emile Heskey to power in a classic header for a glorious winner.

Unpredictable Newcastle lined up against a revitalised Stoke City at St James’ Park, looking to follow their excellent win at Goodison Park. Hatem Ben Arfa looked menacing, and Jose Enrique had sent in some noteworthy crosses from the left, and just before half-time one of these led to Robert Huth barging Andy Carroll over for a penalty which captain Kevin Nolan converted, though questions were asked when Joey Barton appeared to even more blatantly barge over Matthew Etherington in the opposite penalty area. Tony Pulis’ half-time bluster must have worked, for Stoke went for the throat in the second period. Kenwyne Jones woke up and nodded a header onto the post, then battered the bar with an even better one from Dean Whitehead’s free-kick. A bizarre injury to beefcake Ricardo Fuller broke up the West Indian front two, but Jones’ mission was complete when Huth nodded back a deep free-kick for the Trinidadian to find the unguarded net.

Andy Carroll missed a good chance, whilst young James Perch threatened late in the game. Despite both teams relying on big men up front, it was the more diminutive figure of Perch who bagged the winner, attempting a heroic intervention at a corner, only to see his splendid diving header find his own net. In the dying embers Newcastle attempted to salvage the game, with Nolan missing a fantastic chance, and a James Perch shot producing pinball in Stoke’s box, but it was the Potters who left with the points.

Wigan Athletic continue to astound with their newfound resilience, keeping a clean sheet at a ground Birmingham are now unbeaten at for a calendar year. Despite Alexander Hleb threatening to recapture his Arsenal form, the Latics held fast. The persistently booed Charles N’Zogbia nearly made the breakthrough, Roger Johnson once again tried to start a fight, this time with Rodallega, and Craig Gardner was harshly sent off for a mistimed lunge at Franco Di Santo, who had lost control of the ball. Other than that there wasn’t much to get excited about at St Andrews, besides Brum fans cheering their record and Wigan fans praising their apparently stouter defence.

Another weekend of thrills, spills and a few chills in the Barclays Premier League. Stay tuned my friends.