Gunners shoot selves in feet

Arsene Wenger cut a disconsolate figure as his Arsenal team surrendered their slender chances of a title win at the Reebok, while West Ham’s renaissance is well and truly over, as they sink back to the bottom of the league.

‘Chicharito’ was the late hero as Manchester United took a step closer to clinching their record nineteenth top-flight Championship crown by seeing off a resilient Everton at Old Trafford. Hernandez had already tested Tim Howard’s reflexes, first with a snapshot turned aside low down at the American’s near post, the second brilliantly parried after Rooney had found him deftly lurking with intent just outside the six yard box. He then inadvertently ruined Nani’s chances of opening the scoring, after Luis Antonio Valencia had outmuscled Leighton Baines and sent in a low cross. Hernandez slipped at the crucial time as Nani dispatched a shot towards the far corner of the net, only to see it strike the Mexican on the ground, and send it wide. Victor Anichebe and Rio Ferdinand went arm to arm in the box, and the Everton striker went down in a heap, though the fact his final touch had practically taken the ball into Van Der Sar’s arms probably negated the chance of a spot-kick. Jack Rodwell gave United a taste of what they may try to buy, he executed a smart turn and shot from the edge of the box, which called Van Der Sar’s agility into question. The Dutchman responded with an outstanding tip round the post at full stretch. Michael Owen was surprisingly brought on, but responded with a typical poacher’s movement across the front post for a Fabio cross, and his effort deflected off Sylvain Distin and onto the outside of the Everton post. United continued to lay siege to the Toffees’ goal as the game progressed into its latter stages. Patrice Evra bombed forward and found Valencia with a thunderous volley which cannoned back off Jagielka, and was returned with a dinked cross by the Ecuadorian winger, which Hernandez brilliantly climbed to meet, but Howard even more brilliantly tipped over. Everton’s centre-backs were immense, but they were to be undone in the 84^th minute, when Distin slipped, and from the resulting loss of possession was faced by a wily Valencia, who left him for dead as he delivered a cross which nicked off the Frenchman and looped up invitingly at the back post, where Hernandez had peeled off to with some fantastic movement and nodded down and in with Howard helpless. This win set a new club record for United: 13 home victories in a row. Not bad for a side even their own fans have rated as mediocre for much of the season.

Chelsea confirmed they are now the only credible challengers to United, as they spanked West Ham at Stamford Bridge. With Drogba, Malouda and Kalou starting as the attacking trident, the pattern of the game was dictated very early. A Drogba flick let in Florent Malouda, who forced a manic Green to fly out and block, after just two minutes. West Ham did hit back though, through some great work from Freddie Sears, who nudged the ball past Cashley Cole, and incredibly did him for pace, before cutting back and delivering a cross which Spector was caught in two minds about. Eventually the American stooped to head, and Cech turned it round the post. Sears then almost topped this with an audacious backheel volley as the corner missed everyone else, but Cashley was covering his goal line superbly. The game approached the break in soaking conditions, after some torrential rain, and the Hammers may have had one eye on the dressing room as Chelsea launched a late attack in the half, with Drogba sliding a fabulous ball between defenders to release Cashley on the left. The full-back then cut back for Frank Lampard to nearly take the net off with a magnificent drive. The second half saw Chelsea seek to kill the game off, and a Lampard shot was well parried, with Malouda extremely wasteful later on in the same passage; hitting only the side netting when so much more was on. Prolific Brazilian centre-back David Luis then thundered the crossbar from all of 25 yards, while the Hammers launched an immediate counter-attack which culminated in a Ba effort being parried, and Keane shot being gathered by Cech. West Ham began to seize the initiative, but Carlton Cole made a pig’s ear out of a sow’s purse as he declined to fire a great low cross in first time, instead taking myriad touches to try and elude the attentions of three Chelsea defenders and eventually crashing to the deck without the ball. Robbie Keane then confirmed why he has gone from playing for English and Scottish Champions’ League teams to relegation battlers, when a lovely slide-rule pass found him ten yards from goal with space, only for him to inexplicably knock the ball wide of the post, to the general astonishment of the away players and fans. Finally, the much maligned man came on for Drogba, with most fans rolling their eyes at the introduction of Fernando Torres, who has even been missing his banjo these days. However, Torres seemed to take to the watery conditions like a duck to…water. He received a cute pass from Lampard and slid it across early to put Nicolas Anelka clean through. The Frenchman beat Green with his shot, but not Gabbidon, who had manned the line adeptly. Finally, the roof came off of Stamford Bridge, as Anelka returned the favour and found a delightful through-ball to release the Spaniard. As Torres burst into the box he looked as if he would round Green, but the ball held up in a puddle. The crowd prepared to groan, but Torres simply turned in a flash and buried it with his left foot. Cue ten-man pile-on. After Torres recovered from that crushing, he inadvertently continued his good form, as his strange pass found not its target, but Florent Malouda, arriving on cue to unleash the fury all the way into the roof of the West Ham net. Game, set and match.

Arsenal fans have come to expect a disastrous dénouement to a title challenge, and more often than not at the Reebok Stadium. Once again, their fragile grip on a potential title was wrenched away by Bolton Wanderers. The Gunners set the tempo early, with Theo Walcott, once again having a season of unfulfilled potential, seeing a cross-shot saved then cleared. The England winger then claimed a penalty under a dubious challenge from Matt Taylor, and replays showed it should have been awarded. Cesc Fabregas took the initiative and ran purposefully through the heart of the Trotters before firing just wide. Bolton were gutted they didn’t deliver a sucker-punch, when Chung-Yong Lee burst clear, but inexplicably attempted a backheel across to Taylor, who was guarded, and the chance was gone. Johann Djorou’s error let in Matt Taylor; an omen of things to come. Szceszny produced a great save from Lee as Daniel Sturridge crossed, but Bolton did take the lead when a corner was headed over the line before Nasri could clear by Gary Cahill. The referee hadn’t signalled and linesmen hadn’t flagged however, so it was necessary that Sturridge forced in the rebound. Arsenal responded quickly, with Fabregas striking the post from twenty yards, but they were almost out of it, when another naïve error from Djorou saw him concede a soft penalty, as Sturridge got goal side of him and went down. Fortunately for the Gunners, Kevin Davies produced an inept spot-kick and they equalised rapidly, with Robin Van Persie exchanging passes with Fabregas and drilling the return home. Samir Nasri could have swung the game Arsenal’s way, but was foiled first by Jaaskelainen and then Cahill. Marouane Chamakh then bizarrely attempted to head across to Nasri rather than head towards goal. Some karma returned to haunt Paul Robinson; whose appalling challenge had crocked Abou Diaby in their last meeting; when Chamakh slipped and accidentally upended him painfully. Sczeszny made a late save from Elmander, and most fans were hoping Arsenal could snatch a late winner, but disaster struck when substitute Tamir Cohen darted to the front post to head in a corner in the closing stages, with Nasri miserably ineffective on the post. Cohen then emotionally stripped off his shirt to reveal a t-shirt paying tribute to his dead father Avi. Arsenal were finished, while Bolton continue to hold their own in the top eight.

Wigan were dropped straight back into the relegation zone, as Sunderland ensured their safety with a four-goal blitz, despite losing all of their remaining strikers through injury during this game. The Stadium of Light saw a nightmare scenario staring them in the face, as Phil Bardsley and Danny Wellbeck were stretchered off within twenty minutes. The first half only saw one decent chance, when Lee Cattermole’s ponderance almost cost him, but Rodallega’s thumping drive was beaten out by Mignolet. The second half saw things go from bad to worse for the Mackems, as Mohammed Diame turned brilliantly on the edge of the box, and unleashed a super strike past Mignolet to put Wigan a goal to the good. This lead lasted just over two minutes, as a free-kick not cleared properly saw Steed Malbranque deliver a fine cross which Asamoah Gyan rose to head in above the crowd. Just as Sunderland saw a route back, their star striker Gyan pulled up from a chase with a hamstring pull, and Sunderland were strikerless. Sulley Muntari came on, and he was involved with the second goal, as Jordan Henderson brilliantly chested his teased return across the box past two defenders, and rattled in at Al-Habsi’s near post. Stephane Sessegnon was then clattered by Wigan captain Antonin Alcaraz for a blatant penalty; duly dispatched by the aggrieved. The fourth goal caught Wigan cold with a lightning counter-attack, though there was an incredible lack of responsibility in their defence, as players ambled back in no particular hurry, leaving Sessegnon to pick out two Sunderland men in ten yards of space inside the Wigan box. Henderson once again took responsibility, and finished crisply. Wigan only got a consolation in the last minute, as a lovely pass set Moses away into the box, and his cross was drilled low through a defender’s legs for Franco Di Santo to poach at the back post, incredibly only his second goal in 67 appearances in the English game.

Wolves were left galled, as a telling double substitution saw Fulham snatch a draw with just ten minutes remaining. Fulham began the brightest, with Mexican left-back Carlos Salcido cutting onto his right foot and belting an effort in from outside the box which required an excellent save from Hennessey. Salcido then sent in a delicious cross, but his American team-mate Clint Dempsey missed a sitter in the middle of the box, as he skied the chance. Stephen Fletcher got the reward for his endeavour, as he headed in a cross at the back post to leave the Molineux fans dreaming of salvation. Jamie O’Hara almost improved the picture with a spin and shot which went narrowly wide. Wayne Hennessey inexplicably failed to cut out a low cross, but Karl Henry proved the hero as he dived in front of Moussa Dembele to leave his net intact. Guedioura sent in a cracker which was saved at full stretch by Schwarzer, and it looked as if Fulham were finished. That is, until their three inspired substitutions. Zamora and Kakuta were sent on after 69 minutes, but the breakthrough came ten minutes later, with the introduction of livewire Andy Johnson. A long clip forward saw Zamora knock the ball down in the box under heavy pressure, and Johnson took a deft touch to control before readjusting his feet and burying the chance. Kakuta then almost turned the game completely on its head, but his lovely dribble and shot was kept out at his near post by Hennessey, to leave both teams somewhat satisified with their afternoon’s work.

Despite the history of this fixture suggesting a draw, Liverpool conspired to humiliate Birmingham City at Anfield, with the most unlikely of hat-trick scorers. Well, other than maybe Jamie Carragher! Maxi Rodriguez, the Argie with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp, gobbled up a rebound after a shot from Jay Spearing; the man with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasps nest that fell from the ugly tree before the ugly tree fell on his face, was spilled by Ben Foster. Some superb work from Luis Suarez then found Dirk Kuyt in the box, and despite his first effort being saved, the Dutchman with a face like a butch tranny in a blond ringlet wig spun to fire in the rebound expertly. Things then went from bad to worse for Brum, when Foster was carried off, following an injury attained in the collision with his own man Carr in a bid to stop the second goal. Kuyt headed a free-kick across goal and wide to leave it 2-0 at the break. Luis Suarez delivered a great cross for Maxi to volley in his second, and Liverpool’s third, from close range. When Luis Suarez played in Rodriguez again, substitute goalkeeper Doyle beat his effort out, but Jiranek, in his panic to clear, only succeeded in sliding the ball straight back to the Argentine, who gleefully dispatched his hat-trick. The rout was complete when Colin Doyle made a prat of himself, fumbling substitute Joe Cole’s cheeky near post drive embarrassingly into the net for 5-0.

Spurs were crestfallen at giving away a priceless lead to resurgent West Brom, as Roy Hodgson continues to navigate the good ship Albion safely into the Premier League docks for next season. Peter Odemwingie; who has been a revelation in his debut season in the Premier League and would surely have been a strong contender for Player of the Year had he not experienced injury and a bit of a slump mid-season; superbly took down a deep cross, outmuscled Benoit Assou-Ekotto, and switched feet to expertly steer the ball across Gomes for the opener just five minutes in. Spurs almost equalised quickly, but William Gallas missed a sitter when he sent a close-range header over from a Rafael Van Der Vaart free-kick. The Lilywhites did get back on level terms before half-time, through a moment of pure class from Roman Pavlyuchenko. The Russian received a short pass on the edge of the box, deftly switched feet and cracked a left-foot drive in low via the post. Minutes later, the Russian proved he is mortal when he blazed a rebound over after a crafty effort from Van Der Vaart had been parried to him. An Odemwingie header was brilliantly saved, and then Jermain Defoe’s moment of immortality came. Searching for his 100^th goal for Tottenham and his 100^th goal in the Premier League, he took on Youssouf Mulumbu before firing a left-foot bullet into the corner of Albion’s net; reaching not only those two landmarks, but also scoring Tottenham’s 1000^th Premier League goal at the same time. Tottenham perhaps got caught up in the glory of the moment, but this bubble of contentment was burst crudely in the 81^st minute, when Simon Cox received the ball at the corner of the 18-yard box, skipped outside Gallas and whipped a lovely effort over Sandro’s head and into the top corner to earn a crucial point which probably sees the Baggies safe, whilst simultaneously crushing Spurs’ hopes of usurping Mancitti into that precious Champions’ League berth.

Mancitti’s £27million boy Edin Dzeko joined Fernando Torres in the ranks of the relieved, as he finally began paying back his huge price tag with a crucial winner against Blackburn at Ewood Park. Rovers are crumbling, as this was their tenth match in a row without victory, and they sit just one point above the relegation zone. Despite re-signing talisman Roque Santa Cruz, Rovers have suffered from a chronic lack of firepower, and many would say they have the most to fear of all the relegation-threatened teams, having no Sam Allardyce to turn to when you need percentage play to drag you out of the mire. Mancitti carved them open in just the third minute, when David Silva struck the post, and Gareth Barry saw his header cleared off the line by Michel Salgado before Blackburn offered some resistance in the form through Samba and later Olsson hitting the side netting. David Silva just missed the target with a curling effort, before Adam Johnson was replaced by that man Dzeko, and within three minutes he had struck the decisive goal; smashing a poor Phil Jones clearance from a Silva cross into the net in an instant. Still Rovers had a chance of salvation, but Jones’ night got worse as he headed a great chance over, and Hart denied Olsson.

Blackpool are still alive and kicking, after picking up a crucial point at home to Newcastle, but will be kicking themselves that they couldn’t rediscover their early season cutting edge. Martin Atkinson did the Seasiders no favours when he turned down a blatant penalty, as DJ Campbell nicked the ball away from Mike Williamson, who swiped and missed the ball totally, sending Campbell down. Gary Taylor-Fletcher then sent a shot narrowly wide and agonisingly missed a cross, before Charlie Adam lazily gave the ball away, leading to Lovenkrands receiving it and driving it home from the edge of the box. Blackpool were seething that they were denied another penalty claim through a moment of farce. An incredibly moronic backpass across his own area by Jose Enrique saw Tim Krul scrambling to reach it. DJ Campbell got to the ball first and went down under Krul’s challenge, though replays show the striker actually poked at goal a split second before going down, and Krul turned the shot away before their collision. Blackpool got themselves level just after the half-hour, when DJ Campbell flicked a corner in at the near post. Jose Enrique, having one of those games, was clearly standing a couple of yards behind the line when he attempted to head it clear, thus the goal was awarded. Matty Phillips had a good effort saved and then claimed Danny Simpson had handled his return, while a scramble ensued later on in the Toon penalty box. A Charlie Adam cross was nodded back across goal by Ian Evatt; a centre-back who spends more time in the opponent’s area than his own; and an Alex Baptiste volley was cleared off the line. A magnificent Phillips cross was then only directed into the side netting by Campbell, before Taylor-Fletcher headed a glorious chance over. The chance for a win ended with a thud, when Charlie Adam picked the ball up and drove a crisp shot through Simpson’s legs which came back off the post and away. If Blackpool go down it will be a tragedy for the Premier League.

Surprise FA Cup finalists Stoke City grabbed a surprise away point, as Aston Villa edged further clear of danger in the absence of their convalescing manager. Brad Friedel produced a couple of outstanding saves from first Huth and then even better from Jones, but a long, flat throw from Rory Delap saw Jones outjump Richard Dunne to give the Potters the lead. The equaliser was clinical in its execution, as a Walker cross saw Darren Bent run across the ball and glance it in off the post superbly. Ricardo Fuller had the ball in the net late on, but it was disallowed for a clear offside, and both sides were reasonably happy at the end; looking forward to at least another season of this fixture.