Heskey and Carson keep on howlin'

Manchester United enjoyed the perfect week, as they beat Stoke, before hearing of all of their closest rivals dropping points, including Manchester City and Arsenal drawing with each other. The tabloids have stoked the flames of animosity against four Premier League managers; Avram Grant, Roy Hodgson, Gerard Houllier and Carlo Ancelotti; all apparently clinging to their jobs by thin margins.

Manchester United dispatched Stoke in a surprisingly narrow victory at Old Trafford. Javier Hernandez started in place of the injured Wayne Rooney, while Chris Smalling stood in for Rio Ferdinand. The former opened the scoring with a typical finish of unorthodox brilliance; backheeling Nani’s driven cross inside the near post under extreme pressure from Ryan Shawcross. The latter, meanwhile, may have felt slightly disappointed at standing so far off Tuncay, who used the occasion to demonstrate the flair and vision Stoke need so badly at times; sending in a perfect cross for the astonishingly unmarked Dean Whitehead to nod into the corner of Kuszczak’s net. United regained the lead when Hernandez twisted and turned on the edge of a packed Stoke box, before sliding it into Nani, who took a touch outside his man and rattled into Begovic’s net with a left-foot rocket. Despite another mediocre performance, United now sit two points ahead of the chasing pack with games in hand.

How Arsenal managed to draw a blank at home to Mancitti only the goal-frames will know. Robin Van Persie just failed to connect with a low cross from Jack Wilshere after a move that cut swathes through the City defence. Van Persie then followed that with a splendid effort that crashed off the foot of the post, before Jack Wilshere was set away by Cesc Fabregas but could only hit his effort at Hart. City’s rare counterstrikes all seemed to fall to Carlos Tevez, and he miscued the first chance which fell to him on the volley at the back post. Another sublime Arsenal move saw Samir Nasri craftily nudge the ball back to Fabregas, only to once again watch an effort come back off the City goal-frame. Walcott then arrived to complete the hilarity by battering the other post, but he had been flagged offside. Tevez had another chance wasted before Arsenal claimed what would have been a hugely harsh handball against Vincent Kompany. Robin Van Persie later fired a shot wide from an impossible angle, and had a speculative long-ranger brilliantly saved by Joe Hart, and the game ended with two extremely harsh red cards. Baccary Sagna seemed to be the aggressor towards Pablo Zabaleta after the Argentine objected to a challenge, with Sagna even thrusting his head towards him, yet Mike Jones deemed a red card for both to be appropriate punishment.

Roy Hodgson suffered yet another day to add to his collection of humiliations as Liverpool manager. Losing narrowly to Wolves is one thing, but being comprehensively beaten by Blackburn, who have a completely unqualified manager in charge, is quite another. The consolation goal, and brief recovery at the death led by Steven Gerrard could not disguise the fact that they were 3-0 down within the hour. After Joe Cole briefly threatened to influence the game in the opening minutes, Mame Biryam Diouf combined with Benjani Mwaruwari, with the former sending his strike over the bar. After a fairly tepid opening half-hour, a marvellous reverse ball between defenders by Mame Diouf sent Martin Olsson bounding through to finish through Reina’s challenge. Sotiris Kygriakos then shamed himself, allowing Benjani to receive a ball with his back to goal, before turning the Greek defender effortlessly and smashing the ball into the roof of the net while the dozy centre-back was still turning. Despite Blackburn’s midfield comprising of David Dunn, Martin Olsson, Morten Gamst Pedersen and Junior Hoilett, Liverpool could not outbattle them, and Martin Skrtel and Glenn Johnson were culpable as Hoilett wriggled to the byline and squared to Benjani for a tap-in and 3-0 just before the hour mark. Liverpool’s away following has shrunken considerably recently, and even the fans left must have mostly left by the time Liverpool showed any signs of life. Dirk Kuyt dinked in a cross which Torres attempted to volley home. As his effort came back off a defender, Steven Gerrard adjusted consummately to crash it in. Minutes later and the one-man comeback was truly on, when Michel Salgado lunged in to take down a surging Gerrard, but when he picked himself up his penalty found the upper stand, to leave Liverpool fans disconsolate and Hodgson on borrowed time.

Wolves delighted their fans and humbled European Cup winner Carlo Ancelotti, as they stole a priceless victory against the team with the worst form in the country right now. With all of their big guns back, many expected Chelsea to kick back into top gear in this match, but once again their confidence seemed to be bereft. They fell foul of a corner bundled into his own net by the luckless Jose Bosingwa; under heavy pressure from Chelsea bogeyman Stephen Hunt, in just the fourth minute. Wayne Hennessey preserved their lead with a remarkable reaction save as he was going the wrong way; sticking a toe out to deflect Kalou’s certain goal wide of the post. Didier Drogba turned his man and hit the post, while Stephen Hunt also clipped the Chelsea goal-frame with a free-kick. It was by no means all one-way traffic, and Chelsea fans must be asking themselves where they go from here.

Avram Grant seemed to have earned himself a reprieve with two wins and two draws from his last four matches, but they came at a time when all of the teams around West Ham were also picking up points. Defeat was probably expected at St James’ Park, but a 5-0 thrashing would appear to be another nail in his Premier League coffin. The game was a game to remember for young Leon Best. With just fourteen minutes and much injury so far in his Newcastle career, the big striker seized his opportunity in the absence of Andy Carroll to plunder an impressive hat-trick, though the West Ham defence may as well have dropped their shorts and mooned him for all the resistance they offered. A hoof upfield was won in the air against a weak Tomkins challenge by Best, who raced into the box to receive the dinked return from Peter Lovenkrands; guiding the ball away from the static Green and into the corner. The second goal saw Danny Gabbidon use his opportunity to clear to lay the ball off for Leon Best to belt in his; and Newcastle’s, second. The third saw West Ham waste myriad opportunities to close the delivery down at source; allowing Jonas Gutierrez to send in a poor cross, which led to James Tomkins copying Gabbidon in laying the ball off for an opponent to rattle it in; this time Kevin Nolan the recipient. In the second half, Nolan slid in Leon Best to beat a non-existent Hammers offside trap and lash in his hat-trick with aplomb. Peter Lovenkrands stole in front of his man and guided Joey Barton’s low cross inside the near post for 5-0, and there was even time for a little comic relief; a lovely Newcastle move carving West Ham apart, culminating in a square ball for Nile Ranger to tap into an empty net, only to see the youngster unbelievably turn the ball back to its source, which looked remarkably like playing a one-two with someone who had ran out of play rather than scoring.

Just when Tottenham had the chance to put daylight between them and rivals Chelsea, they slipped up to a more clinical Everton at Goodison Park. Just 3 minutes had elapsed when Saha blew away the cobwebs with a direct run and fine finish inside Gomes’ near post. Rafael Van Der Vaart then almost lobbed Tim Howard from 30 yards, contrasted to Peter Crouch missing a headed sitter put on a plate for him by the Dutchman. Spurs’ relentless attacking finally paid off when Crouch nodded a Hutton cross across goal for Van Der Vaart to finish, though replays suggested Crouch may have given his man a good shove in the process. Luis Saha was breathing a sigh of relief at the linesman flagging when Crouch finished a Bale move, as he gave the ball away needlessly in a dangerous area. Seamus Coleman fired a glorious chance into Gomes’ hands, while Howard saved well from Van Der Vaart. Saha then vollied a Coleman cross a fraction wide to the agony of the Goodison faithful, and they thought it was all over when Van Der Vaart ghosted between centre-backs, but their goalkeeper did brilliantly again to deny the classy Dutchman. The Toffees’ fans were treated to what they most wanted in the 75^th minute though, when Jermaine Beckford held off his man and fed Luis Saha, who sent in a thundering drive too hot for Gomes to handle, and Seamus Coleman arrived to finish and sent the Goodison faithful into raptures. Back to the drawing board for Harry.

Gerard Houllier was once again not flavour of the month, after his Villa side lost to Sunderland at home. It could have all been so different, had Emile Heskey not conjured up one of the misses of the season early on. Bolo Zenden made a rare cock-up in failing to shepherd the ball out of play from Stewart Downing, who robbed the Dutchman and sent in a low cross which Heskey managed to turn onto the crossbar from just four yards out. Sunderland survived that scare to offer some thrusts of their own. After beating James Collins to the ball, Darren Bent rounded the goalkeeper and shot, only to see Collins recover to slide it off the line. Emile Heskey then compounded his bad afternoon by being sent off, after reacting to Jordan Henderson’s anger at Villa not putting the ball out of play for an injured Gyan by pushing the Sunderland man in the face. Wise old head indeed. Sunderland stuck the blade deep into Villa hearts with ten minutes to go, when a blocked Zenden free-kick was controlled by Phil Bardsley, before being unleashed into the bottom corner with flames on it from the edge of the box. Bolo Zenden was then also red-carded for a very soft second yellow card, but Sunderland’s day could not be spoiled.

Chris Kirkland had the kind of luck he has come to expect from his football career to date at the Reebok Stadium. Having lost his place for his calamitous form this season to Ali Al-Habsi, he finally regained his place for the game against Al-Habsi’s ‘parent’ club Bolton, only to be carried off on a stretcher. The game was nothing short of dire in the first half bar a thumping Rodallega free-kick parried well by Jaaskelainen, but the second period saw Bolton come closer and closer to breaking the deadlock, with Gary Cahill nodding a corner over from close range after Kirkland had came and missed. A cute move saw the Trotter ease ahead. Kevin Davies gave the ball to his namesake Mark in the middle of the park, and the midfielder advanced before sliding a glorious ball between defenders which Rodrigo Moreno raced onto before lobbing the ball deftly over the advancing Kirkland. Kirkland’s afternoon then got a lot worse, when his bravery saw him collide heavily in a 50-50 with Johan Elmander and be carried off with concussion. 38 year-old Mike Pollitt stepped between the sticks and produced two blockbusting saves from Johan Elmander, one either side of the well-worked equaliser. After feeding Hugo Rodallega, Ronnie Stam sensed an opportunity and raced into the box. His gamble paid off when Rodallega spotted Steven Gohouri overlapping in yards of space. The Ivorian then made up for his awful mistake against Newcastle by providing a beautifully-judged low cross that Stam could not miss at the back post. After Pollitt denied Elmander for a second time, Fabrice Muamba had one last chance to grab the glory, but skied it wastefully to leave it a point apiece.

Another gloriously open game involving Blackpool saw a team that usually hate open affairs take the points home. Ben Foster had to be at his best to deny Matty Phillips, but Blackpool were undone when Stephen Crainey had a meltdown; giving the ball unforgivably to Alexander Hleb, who, despite Kingson’s best attempts, finished excellently. Foster then had to pull out another great stop from a Charlie Adam dipper, while Birmingham were gutted to see first Cameron Jerome hit the post after chipping the onrushing Kingson, then Sebastian Larsson with a belting free-kick. Blackpool ignored these threats to continue to pile forward, and got their just desserts when a cross was nodded down by Gary Taylor-Fletcher for DJ Campbell to volley in brilliantly. The woodwork then felt Charlie Adam’s fury, as the pendulum swung one way then the next. Tangerine hearts were broken with two minutes remaining though, when Birmingham caught the ambition bug and threw both centre-backs up, with Roger Johnson nodding a deep cross down for central defensive partner Scott Dann to control and sidefoot in from close range. Another defeat in the grandest manner that left all neutrals with a big smile on their faces.

Fulham ignored the negativity from the press to destroy a West Brom side struggling to field a defence. John Pantsil made the situation worse when he got away with an ugly and reckless stamp on Marek Cech’s knee which saw the defender crocked. Fulham took the lead thanks to the kind of howler you know Scott Carson always has up his sleeve, on the half-time whistle. After Dickson Etuhu had won the ball, Simon Davies picked it up and struck a speculative effort from distance. Carson then got both hands to it with the strength of someone swatting a fly, and it flew through him and into the net. If that took the wind out of the Baggies’ sails, worse was to follow, as Fulham increased their lead to three with two identikit corner routines; the first converted by Clint Dempsey; the second by Brede Hangeland. With their lack of defenders, it was a clear West Brom weakness that the Cottagers exploited brilliantly, and surely now the press needs to stop the ludicrous hyperbole involving Mark Hughes’ future.

Until after the FA Cup break….