Great comebacks, bad comebacks and a deluge of goals

In quite possibly the most exciting and madcap weekend in Premier League history, a new record was set for goals scored on a single Saturday, a team recovered from 4 goals down to gain a point for the first time in Premier League history, and the top team lost their unbeaten run to the bottom team. The lowest scorers in all four divisions scored four, Luis Saha scored that many by himself, while Carlos Tevez celebrated his 27^th birthday with a hat-trick.

Where else to start but St James’ Park, where the comeback of all comebacks ensued in a contender for the Premier League’s finest game. You would struggle to find a game anywhere that sees all four goals scored by one team in the first 25 minutes, and all four goals in reply scored in the last 25. An incredible game started with both teams deploying something of a diamond formation. Many observers worried where Newcastle’s goals would now come from. When Andrei Arshavin flicked a great pass through to Theo Walcott, racing goal-side of the sluggish Coloccini, the England winger finished expertly: all within forty-five seconds. Before the home fans had settled into their seats Arsenal had gone two goals up, when a cutely delivered Arshavin free-kick was headed in off the crossbar by Johann Djorou. Newcastle did not learn any lessons, and their defence was statuesque and completely lacking responsibility when Walcott practically walked between admiring black-and-white shirts into the box, before pulling the ball back for a slackly-marked Robin Van Persie to slot home from close-range after just ten minutes. It took slightly longer for the fourth to arrive, but when Baccary Sagna’s delicious cross was headed in expertly by Van Persie, a sizeable proportion of the St James’ Park faithful decided they had seen enough. How must they now feel?

It almost got worse for Toon when a gorgeous Fabregas long pass sent Van Persie away, but his lob just cleared the crossbar. The second half began with most expecting a continuation of the Gunners’ execution squad, but things changed irrevocably when Abou Diaby completely lost his head when Joey Barton won a loose ball with a hard tackle. Diaby clearly wasn’t expecting it and got clattered; responding by throwing Barton to the ground, and then pushing Kevin Nolan away when he tried to offer his machismo. The red card that accompanied his lunacy altered the course of a game that Arsenal had dead and buried. After the red card, the onus was on Arsenal’s defence to stand strong, but as usual they failed the test miserably. Laurent Koscielny was first to crack, when he attempted to poke at the ball through Leon Best, who went down for an inevitable penalty award. Joey Barton notched the penalty brilliantly, before goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny decided to play silly buggers. Joey Barton played along for a bit before big bad Kevin Nolan decided he didn’t much like this game and hauled the goalkeeper to the ground by the neck. An offence which, ironically, Nolan only got a yellow card for when it seemed on the same level as Diaby’s offence. Tomas Rosicky came on a minute after the goal, and soon the Arsenal fans were wishing he hadn’t. His first influence of note was to lazily give the ball away on the very edge of his own penalty area; reacting with slumped shoulders and not moving in any way to rectify his error as Barton played in Leon Best, who scored expertly as Rosicky’s utter lack of responsibility had left him playing the big striker onside. Luckily for Rosicky, the linesman had a nightmare too, and called it incorrectly offside. A decent cross then found Best at the back post, and after his header had fell at his own feet via Clichy, the striker made no mistake in stabbing in a goal that did count, and reduced the arrears to just the two. Youngster Nile Ranger forced an excellent save from Szczesny as Newcastle laid siege to the Arsenal goal. Their third came on 83 minutes, when Mike Williamson leapt for a header and crashed over as Rosicky once again left the Gunners fans ruing his introduction; clearly making an attempt to push Williamson as he jumped, though eventual contact was minimal. Joey Barton saw this penalty go in fortunately, but the Toon faithful did not care one iota. They roared their heroes on, and were treated to the pick of the bunch with three minutes to play. Tomas Rosicky completed his abysmal display by giving away a dangerous free-kick that was only cleared to Chekh Tiote on the edge of the box, and the powerful Ivorian brought the house down when he struck a pearler of a left-footed volley into the corner of Szczesny’s net to complete the most unlikely of comebacks. There could have still been a sting in the tail even after this, as first Nolan fired a fraction wide at one end, before Van Persie scored a superb goal which was judged offside by the narrowest of margins.

Manchester United were finally beaten, just as they were about to claim 30 games unbeaten. It was no surprise that they lost to the bottom team in the division, as their only other domestic defeat came to a team who were bottom of the league at the time: West Ham in the Carling Cup. United have rarely been formidable this season, and some would say are fortunate to have made it this far, but it was still something of a surprise that they lost after taking an early lead. Wolves had beaten Mancitti and Chelski at Molineux this season, while United had lost defensive lynchpin Rio Ferdinand in the warm-up, so the omens were not good. These were forgotten however, when Nani was sent down the line and marauded into the box, shadowed by two defenders. With very little to aim for, the Portuguese star shimmied and cut outside George Elokobi, before squeezing a left foot drive neatly inside Wayne Hennessey’s near post. Wolves overturned this lead, typically, from a set-piece. United went to sleep from a short corner, and Matt Jarvis delivered a great cross for George Elokobi to make amends for Nani’s goal and head in. The Red Devils’ defence was again statuesque when Dimitar Berbatov was forced to close down O’Hara, as he forced Van Der Sar to block his near post effort with his legs. The second Wolves goal came just before half-time, when Rooney and Vidic made a pig’s ear out of clearing their lines, and gave away a dangerous free-kick. Nenad Milijas swung it in, and Kevin Doyle stooped to get a flick at the same time as Elokobi, sending it past a helpless Van Der Sar. The second half siege saw Hernandez beat Hennessey in a challenge, but Rooney’s follow-up was blocked, while Nani headed a very good chance over, and Paul Scholes was booked for palming an effort goalward. In the end it was one of United’s strengths: defending set-pieces; that proved to be their undoing here.

Everton came out triumphant in a stonking game at Goodison against the team we all love to love: Blackpool. Ian Holloway; thankfully not having resigned after the Premier League’s farcical decision to fine his side for fielding what they deemed an ‘under-strength’ team, despite it being made up from the pool of 25 players he nominated to the Premier League; is a national treasure, though even he now admits his side is conceding a ridiculous amount of goals that will see them relegated if they continue. Luis Saha is a striker capable of brilliance on his day; though, as observers tend to point out, his ‘day’ comes around all too rarely, usually due to his inordinate frequency of injury. This was definitely one of his days, and he plundered four superb goals to give Everton a clinical edge that could have seen them in the higher echelons of the division had it come sooner in the season. Diniyar Bilayetdinov’s brilliant work provided his poacher’s opener, before the Tangerines equalised, as a corner was flicked against the near post and along the goal-line by Ian Evatt. It was cleared perhaps too late, but Alex Baptiste followed it in to make sure. Everton were aggrieved when denied a second goal. Seamus Coleman was clearly tugged down as he delivered a brilliant cross that Saha guided in. Kevin Friend had already blown his whistle apparently, so the goal was disallowed for a free-kick best described as abysmal from Leighton Baines. Incredibly, this was the end of the first half scoring. The second half was just two minutes old when Jack Rodwell sent Leighton Baines down the left flank, and the full-back’s cross was guided in expertly by Saha. Just after the hour mark, Blackpool fought back again, when Eliot Grandin won a crucial 50-50 on the edge of the box with Johnny Heitinga, and sent new signing James Beattie into the box. Beattie’s low cross was finished at the back post by an ecstatic Jason Puncheon. Everton almost retook the lead again when Fellaini took down a corner and struck a shot that Neal Eardley had to clear off the line, but within three minutes ‘Ollie was cavorting in delight, as Sylvain Distin lost the ball in a terrible area. The resulting counter-attack found DJ Campbell on the edge of the box striking a pummelling shot against the crossbar which Charlie Adam stooped to head into the empty net. Blackpool then contrived to surrender the initiative. Goalkeeper Paul Rachubka lost his head and careered out of his box; losing a challenge with Jack Rodwell, who chipped the ball beautifully towards a gaping net, only to see Ian Evatt race back and make a maginificent clearance just before the ball crossed the line. The manner of Everton’s third goal left Blackpool seething, as Jermaine Beckford had left Charlie Adam receiving treatment after a boot to the face. A man short at a corner, Blackpool allowed Saha to nip in unchecked and nod in for his hat-trick, after somehow a cluster of bodies all missed the ball at the near post. The fourth goal was nothing short of majestic, as the erratic Beckford ran onto a long pass from Leighton Baines and volleyed into the net without breaking his stride. The breathless scoring finally concluded in the 84^th minute, when Blackpool were throwing the kitchen sink at Everton. An unlucky bounce saw the ball cleared, and Fellaini played a cracking through-ball to Luis Saha, who put on the afterburners to leave Adam in the dust before drawing the goalkeeper and stabbing into the corner of the net. Thus a truly incredible game ended; a joy for all who had the privilege to attend.

Wigan Athletic lined up for a Lancashire derby against Blackburn Rovers as the lowest scoring team in all four divisions, yet proved anyone expecting a dull contest thoroughly wrong, despite the pudding of a pitch. Ben Watson had an early free-kick saved, but it was Rovers who took the lead, when Hoilett’s cross was turned in from close range by Jason Roberts. Charles N’Zogbia turned on his finesse when his weaving run saw the ball laid off to Emerson Boyce, and when Robinson parried his effort, James McCarthy arrived to dink into the net from a tight angle. Like the Everton match, half-time saw a 1-1 scoreline, and like that game the second half hit the heights. Victor Moses’ clever flick evaded Christopher Samba and sent Hugo Rodallega scampering behind and around Robinson, before slotting into the empty net. The third Wigan goal was a joy to behold; with James McCarthy and Charles N’Zogbia conspiring to keep ball in the tightest of niches inside the Rovers box. When N’Zogbia dinked a short pass back to McCarthy, the midfielder flicked the ball up before juggling it to his opposite foot and volleying sublimely into the bottom corner. Blackburn pulled a goal back through a familiar source, when a Pedersen corner was powered into the net by Samba, despite Al-Habsi’s protestations. The Omanian goalkeeper for once did not have a good day. But rather than typically concede a lead, Wigan just powered two goals ahead once more, with Watson drilling in the penalty that came after Salgado had clearly tripped Diame a fraction inside the box. Mame Biryam Diouf produced an awful finish late on with a comeback beckoning, but Blackburn did pull one more back, when David Dunn was tripped on the run just inside the box by Diame, though Dunn had flicked the ball almost out for a throw in the process. The victim got up to convert the spot-kick, but Rovers were beaten; a result that briefly lifted the Latics’ heads above water, before Birmingham’s result dropped them once more below the waterline.

How Liverpool fans must have gloated, after the Fernando Torres bandwagon was crudely derailed; at Stamford Bridge too. Despite an attempt at a gentleman’s agreement, Chelsea insisted on getting full value for their gargantuan outlay, by playing a ‘dream team’ attacking trident of Drogba, Anelka and Torres. Unfortunately for Ancelotti, he was outmanoeuvred in tactical terms when Kenny Dalglish played three centre-backs to cope, while allowing Kelly and Johnson to bomb forward and provide width, whilst also limiting Bosingwa and Cashley’s danger. Torres endured a pretty impotent afternoon, blazing his first good opportunity well over, catching an ‘accidental’ forearm smash from former team-mate Daniel Agger, and having Jamie Carragher slide to block his only decent effort at goal before being substituted. Maxi Rodriguez had a pretty embarrassing afternoon too. After giving the ball to Torres for his first chance, Maxi then managed to hit the crossbar with an open goal from all of five yards. Liverpool grabbed a winner in the 68^th minute, when Gerrard burst down the flank to offer a cross which Cech bizarrely allowed to bounce past him at the near post, perhaps mindful of Ivanovic clattering him as he had done minutes earlier in another misunderstanding. The ball was begging to be tucked away, and Raul Meireles arrived to readjust superbly and guide it in. Chelsea just did not possess any width, though were incensed that a late penalty wasn’t awarded, when the strapping Ivanovic crashed to the ground when Glen Johnson seemed to charge into him. So Chelsea ended the day £50million and 3 points poorer, as Liverpool could afford to leave out both their big signings and still win.

Carlos Tevez once again proved his enduring worth to Mancitti by plundering a hat-trick. With £27million Edin Dzeko a substitute, Tevez was under pressure to deliver, and he didn’t disappoint. Alexsander Kolarov crossed for Tevez to volley against the post, before Joe Hart was called into action to push a Chris Brunt free-kick away. Kolarov then continued to exert influence on the game, when he was brought to earth by Stephen Reid inside the West Brom penalty box. Tevez converted the penalty and then scored a sublime second, when he exchanged passes in no space at all with David Silva, before sidestepping and skipping over the challenge of Jonas Olsson and slotting past Myhill. Kolarov once again impressed when he strode forward to thunder a 35 yarder against the crossbar with Myhill’s fingertips stung. Jerome Thomas conceded a horribly unlucky second spot-kick when the ball skipped up onto his prone arm, and Tevez gleefully completed his birthday hat-trick. Incredible news of Roberto Di Matteo’s sacking broke after this game, despite him taking West Brom up and into the higher echelons of the Premier League for a time, and still being well in touch with the teams around them. The Baggies board have clearly followed in the footsteps of Newcastle and Blackburn to truly begin an era where managers are no longer sacked after the tabloids mount a campaign, but are sacked out of the blue, for reasons that seem no more logical than thinking the grass is always greener. Even if West Brom do go down, Di Matteo has proved astute enough to bring them back up, and surely it will cost them double to be relegated now, with Di Matteo’s pay-off added to it.

A thrilling game at the Britannia, but only in terms of the scoreline and the atmosphere, because Stoke’s football has gone back to the pre-Neanderthal Wimbledon heyday kick and rush. To describe just how appalling (and illegal) the first two goals particularly were could not be accomplished with mere words. Sunderland had taken the lead very early, when Kieran Richardson found the roof of the net after Asamoah Gyan had miskicked in the box. Stoke’s first equaliser came courtesy of the old ‘up ‘n’ under’. Delap launched a throw deep into the box, and the ball was flicked high into the air. With Gordon weak, Huth challenged and the ball squirmed loose for Carew to stab in practically on the goal-line. Replays showed Carew to be standing a yard offside when the ball was played, but to be fair to the linesman it was near impossible to spot with the naked eye. Sunderland regained the lead in the second half when new loan signing Sulley Muntari played a fantastic ball to Asamoah Gyan; goal-side of Robert Huth. As he reached the box Huth caught up, but the Ghanaian outmuscled the German defender before cutting outside him and drilling a low shot into the net past goalkeeper and defender. A brilliant goal which was to be sadly overshadowed. Craig Gordon had later spilled a corner and been bailed out, but there was no bailing out when he was beaten to the punch; fairly literally, by John Carew. The galling fact that the second equalising goal should have been ruled out for three different offences will stick in Steve Bruce’s craw long after this game. As another excellent Pennant delivery swung in towards Gordon, a marginally offside John Carew leapt in front of him; bundling the ball goalward with his arm, which was then touched by the also-offside Robert Huth before it eventually crossed the Sunderland goal-line. If there was such a thing as the ‘worst goal you’ll ever see’, this would be right up there. Kids, please don’t try this at home. With their magnificent fans roaring them on, it was inevitable that Stoke would get the winner in injury time, when Kieran Richardson stupidly conceded a free-kick 35 yards out. Pennant again earned his wages with a stupendous inswinger that Titus Bramble watched like he was pointing at a plane, before watching Robert Huth meet it with a timely lunge to send the Britannia into raptures.

Aston Villa and Fulham played out an entertaining draw down at Villa Park which saw Andrew Johnson looking like he has regained his old form. Darren Bent had an early effort ruled out for offside, but Villa took the lead as familiar Fulham own goal scorer John Pantsil added to his impressive collection with a corkscrew header that Richard Dunne couldn’t have managed even in his younger days. Johnson notched his goal in the second half, as he lunged in bravely with his head to guide in the rebound, after new boy Steve Sidwell’s thunderous drive was parried. Youngster Kyle Walker then had a moment to remember, when he beat Sidwell to the ball on halfway and advanced, before striking the crispest of low drives into the bottom corner from some 35 yards. Fulham regained parity through a towering header from Clint Dempsey at a corner; beating his compatriot Friedel to the ball brilliantly, though Friedel denied Johnson a winner late on. A decent point for both sides.

‘Arry was smiling eventually, as classy Croat Nico Krancjar staked his claim for more regular football with a magnificent last minute winner at

White Hart Lane

. Spurs’ opener came early, as a free-kick produced a melee culminating in Corluka’s attempt to find a partially unguarded net thwarted by the arm of Kevin Davies. Rafael Van Der Vaart converted the spot-kick brilliantly. The game became more interesting when Aaron Lennon jinked and weaved inside the box before being scythed down for a second penalty. Bolton were livid, and thought they were two behind when Van Der Vaart tucked the second kick into the same corner. Mark Clattenburg, however, deemed it illegal, citing encroachment from Defoe particularly. Unfortunately for Van Der Vaart, he couldn’t find the same corner thrice, and his retaken spot-kick went wide; much to Redknapp’s consternation. The Trotters began to display some ambition of their own when a superb Elmander header thudded against the Spurs’ crossbar, while Defoe scored a goal ruled offside. On 55 minutes Daniel Sturridge proved he is well worth a loan spell, when he fired a Mark Davies pass beyond a pretty poor Gomes. Bolton felt cheated when Gary Cahill was sandwiched and went down in the box, only to be booked for ‘simulation’. Jermaine Jenas later struck the post with a free-kick, and in the same passage of play Stephen Pienaar wriggled through and was denied by a sterling Jaaskelainen save. But just when Bolton thought they had held on, substitute Krancjar jinked and cut outside a challenge on the edge of the box before leathering the ball into the roof of the net with his left foot to lift the roof of

White Hart Lane

.

An absolutely dire spectacle at Upton Park, where West Ham succumbed to a typical Nikola Zigic header from a set-piece. The only other noteworthy mention goes to Demba Ba, who cracked the outside of the post late on with a ferocious effort. In between these moments, fans were treated to a theatre of tedium, with mundane passages of play leading to mediocre finishes. Birmingham are far and away the dullest side in the Premier League, and they look as if they will be boring us all the way to survival.